Dolt the Blunder Dog is not acceptable - what name can sneak under the radar?
December 15, 2011 6:49 PM Subscribe
Need a dog name
So, we're going to buy a dog. My criteria would be that the name be something slightly disparaging, but "Dolt" has been ruled out. Even though we could call it, "Dolt the Blunder Dog".
Mrs Wardrobe thinks we should use a human's name, which I think is a *terrible* idea.
In the spirit of compromise, can you come up with an overtly human name for the dog, which I can secretly consider (mildly) disparaging...?
Other discarded names: Thrombus and Drool.
If it helps, it's likely to be a boy golden retriever.
So, we're going to buy a dog. My criteria would be that the name be something slightly disparaging, but "Dolt" has been ruled out. Even though we could call it, "Dolt the Blunder Dog".
Mrs Wardrobe thinks we should use a human's name, which I think is a *terrible* idea.
In the spirit of compromise, can you come up with an overtly human name for the dog, which I can secretly consider (mildly) disparaging...?
Other discarded names: Thrombus and Drool.
If it helps, it's likely to be a boy golden retriever.
(Oh, I also do not understand why people give up the opportunity to name an animal an awesome non-human name.)
posted by shortyJBot at 6:54 PM on December 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by shortyJBot at 6:54 PM on December 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
Fenton
posted by The Whelk at 6:55 PM on December 15, 2011 [5 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 6:55 PM on December 15, 2011 [5 favorites]
You know, I think dogs kind of know when you are making fun of them. Sorry to be a buzzkill, but I probably wouldn't give him a mocking name like Drool or Mr. Farty or anything.
(We make fun of ours, but you know, not within earshot or anything)
posted by randomination at 6:57 PM on December 15, 2011
(We make fun of ours, but you know, not within earshot or anything)
posted by randomination at 6:57 PM on December 15, 2011
My brother wants to get a dog and name it Cheeseburger.
As I've said before, the dog's name (or cat's) is not often used. Dog's name? Cody. What do we call him? Bear. Or Eeyore.
posted by kellyblah at 7:01 PM on December 15, 2011
As I've said before, the dog's name (or cat's) is not often used. Dog's name? Cody. What do we call him? Bear. Or Eeyore.
posted by kellyblah at 7:01 PM on December 15, 2011
Edwin Drood. (Then you'd be all like, "You mean Edwin Drool," and the whole gang would laugh and laugh.)
posted by mittens at 7:02 PM on December 15, 2011
posted by mittens at 7:02 PM on December 15, 2011
Response by poster: @randomination: you know - I think the examples I gave probably *were* too extreme. That's my starting position, because I'm really a cat person. In our household, "Bonaparte" just came up as something that might appeal to all of us - it's a human name (vaguely), yet dog-like enough to be valid.
I'm trying to avoid names like 'Timothy', 'Julian', etc. which seem to be rattling of Mrs Wardrobe and Jr Wardrobe's tongue at the moment.
posted by blue_wardrobe at 7:03 PM on December 15, 2011
I'm trying to avoid names like 'Timothy', 'Julian', etc. which seem to be rattling of Mrs Wardrobe and Jr Wardrobe's tongue at the moment.
posted by blue_wardrobe at 7:03 PM on December 15, 2011
naming your pet after a a historical figure, or a character from a favorite film or novel never gets old. seriously. and there's always the added bonus when the pet has a personality that's either *exactly like* or *exactly opposite* to the character in question, which somehow seems to happen pretty much every single time. hilarity ensues.
posted by messiahwannabe at 7:03 PM on December 15, 2011 [5 favorites]
posted by messiahwannabe at 7:03 PM on December 15, 2011 [5 favorites]
Poindexter
Melvin (What we used to call a bad wedgie)
Harry (Hairy)
Brett (Favre. The guy who likes to show off his penis, actually quite fitting when I think about all the boy dogs I've known.)
posted by TooFewShoes at 7:04 PM on December 15, 2011
Melvin (What we used to call a bad wedgie)
Harry (Hairy)
Brett (Favre. The guy who likes to show off his penis, actually quite fitting when I think about all the boy dogs I've known.)
posted by TooFewShoes at 7:04 PM on December 15, 2011
I got a dog who came with the name Daphne, since getting her I know 2 other people who got dogs already named Daphne. I now think it is the best dog name ever- and that is my suggestion for you. :)
posted by momochan at 7:05 PM on December 15, 2011
posted by momochan at 7:05 PM on December 15, 2011
I'd also like to name a dog Bogart someday.
posted by shortyJBot at 7:06 PM on December 15, 2011
posted by shortyJBot at 7:06 PM on December 15, 2011
A town near where I grew up was known for having its own slang, and being called a "Gerald" was very bad. And there was no kid named Gerald who was being targeted, I think it just has the sound of an insult. "Don't be such a Gerald."
posted by to recite so charmingly at 7:07 PM on December 15, 2011
posted by to recite so charmingly at 7:07 PM on December 15, 2011
I remember "Wally" being a mild term of abuse when I was a child. It might suit your needs.
posted by GreenEyed at 7:09 PM on December 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by GreenEyed at 7:09 PM on December 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
Growing up, we had a cat named Nikki because her full name was Nudnik (Yiddish for "pain in the ass").
Shakespeare is a goldmine for names that might suit your criteria.
posted by elizeh at 7:15 PM on December 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
Shakespeare is a goldmine for names that might suit your criteria.
posted by elizeh at 7:15 PM on December 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
In the spirit of compromise, can you come up with an overtly human name for the dog, which I can secretly consider (mildly) disparaging...?
This is a pretty bizarre request. I can't tell if you are serious. I can't imagine adding a family member you can "disparage," mild or not.
PeeWee.
posted by thinkpiece at 7:15 PM on December 15, 2011
This is a pretty bizarre request. I can't tell if you are serious. I can't imagine adding a family member you can "disparage," mild or not.
PeeWee.
posted by thinkpiece at 7:15 PM on December 15, 2011
Lassie
Bartholomew
God
Fetch
Einstein (or just Albert)
Alexander the Great
posted by Strass at 7:20 PM on December 15, 2011
Bartholomew
God
Fetch
Einstein (or just Albert)
Alexander the Great
posted by Strass at 7:20 PM on December 15, 2011
Abbott. Or Costello. Claude. Alec (as in "smart"). Zorro. Zero.
Barney (as in Fife). Boris (bore us). Brody (ah, grody Brody). Buster. Someday, I intend to have a dog named Yorick.
Or just name him "Good Dog." Think of the fun when he does something you don't like and you get to holler, "No, Good Dog!"
posted by peakcomm at 7:25 PM on December 15, 2011
Barney (as in Fife). Boris (bore us). Brody (ah, grody Brody). Buster. Someday, I intend to have a dog named Yorick.
Or just name him "Good Dog." Think of the fun when he does something you don't like and you get to holler, "No, Good Dog!"
posted by peakcomm at 7:25 PM on December 15, 2011
Benedict. As in Benedict Arnold, the world's most unloyal dog.
posted by cazoo at 7:34 PM on December 15, 2011
posted by cazoo at 7:34 PM on December 15, 2011
Response by poster: @thinkpiece: mildly serious. But then we mildly disparage each other a lot in our family. It oils the wheels if none of us takes ourselves too seriously.
posted by blue_wardrobe at 7:36 PM on December 15, 2011
posted by blue_wardrobe at 7:36 PM on December 15, 2011
Buford and Beauregard are equally good for heroes of the Confederate cavalry or country bumpkin hound dogs. Plus they're fun to holler.
posted by Quietgal at 7:41 PM on December 15, 2011
posted by Quietgal at 7:41 PM on December 15, 2011
Response by poster: @strass: Wesley is the current front runner, with a 66% vote in favor. Jr Wardrobe is not keen, however...
Keep 'em coming!
posted by blue_wardrobe at 7:41 PM on December 15, 2011
Keep 'em coming!
posted by blue_wardrobe at 7:41 PM on December 15, 2011
There was a funny story on This American Life about a dog named BatmanPasta (or was it PastaBatman?) A family with two kids couldn't decide on a name for the new dog: one kid wanted Batman and the other Pasta. The mother heard them arguing over it for weeks until one day she snapped and said "Ok, that's it! The dog's name is BatmanPasta! End of discussion!"
So if you boiled it down to two names, combine them and see what happens. Or just use BatmanPasta.
posted by zardoz at 7:42 PM on December 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
So if you boiled it down to two names, combine them and see what happens. Or just use BatmanPasta.
posted by zardoz at 7:42 PM on December 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
Dug. He was hiding under the porch because he loves you.
posted by peagood at 7:43 PM on December 15, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by peagood at 7:43 PM on December 15, 2011 [2 favorites]
Seymour
Darryl
Ferguson
Bluto
Angus/Gus
Gomer
Gilmour
Henry
Eisenhower
posted by erstwhile at 7:45 PM on December 15, 2011
Darryl
Ferguson
Bluto
Angus/Gus
Gomer
Gilmour
Henry
Eisenhower
posted by erstwhile at 7:45 PM on December 15, 2011
Or Einstein. That would make it sound sarcastic every time you called him. "Hey, Einstein! Stop eating your poop!"
posted by maryr at 7:56 PM on December 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by maryr at 7:56 PM on December 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
Mrs Wardrobe thinks we should use a human's name, which I think is a *terrible* idea.
I'm with her. How about "Robert".
posted by madmethods at 7:59 PM on December 15, 2011
I'm with her. How about "Robert".
posted by madmethods at 7:59 PM on December 15, 2011
Oooh, wait, I like "Richard" even better.
posted by madmethods at 8:00 PM on December 15, 2011
posted by madmethods at 8:00 PM on December 15, 2011
Johnson (Bonus fun: If he ever gets loose you can ask people if they've 'seen your Johnson')
posted by empatterson at 8:01 PM on December 15, 2011
posted by empatterson at 8:01 PM on December 15, 2011
Response by poster: @madmethods: "Richard" is my brother's name. I can't pretend that's disparaging. We've had to avoid calling him "Dick" his entire life...
posted by blue_wardrobe at 8:02 PM on December 15, 2011
posted by blue_wardrobe at 8:02 PM on December 15, 2011
Bumpus, after the Bumpus hounds in A Christmas Story. Since it doesn't look like I'll ever get my dog, I gift unto you this name.
posted by spinturtle at 8:08 PM on December 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by spinturtle at 8:08 PM on December 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
Similar to Pasta Batman.
My (male) SO was 14. His sister was 7.
They got a new cat.
SO wanted to name it Big Bad Leroy Brown.
Lil sis wanted to name it Precious.
Thus, Precious Leroy.
(What is even funnier is 25 years later I asked lil sis about the cat naming procedure and she had no idea there was a compromise.)
posted by k8t at 8:09 PM on December 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
My (male) SO was 14. His sister was 7.
They got a new cat.
SO wanted to name it Big Bad Leroy Brown.
Lil sis wanted to name it Precious.
Thus, Precious Leroy.
(What is even funnier is 25 years later I asked lil sis about the cat naming procedure and she had no idea there was a compromise.)
posted by k8t at 8:09 PM on December 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
I'm not quite sure why you want to give your dog an insulting name from the get-go -- those come along naturally as nicknames as your relationship develops.
I suggest maybe you start with cliche and work from there:
Fido
Spot
Rover
Mutt
Jeff
Bowser
Rug?
posted by trip and a half at 8:19 PM on December 15, 2011
I suggest maybe you start with cliche and work from there:
Fido
Spot
Rover
Mutt
Jeff
Bowser
Rug?
posted by trip and a half at 8:19 PM on December 15, 2011
Best answer: How about Rufus? That sounds like a good doggy name to me.
posted by MelanieL at 8:28 PM on December 15, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by MelanieL at 8:28 PM on December 15, 2011 [2 favorites]
I prefer good old fashioned doggy names - boomer, rover, roofus etc.
But if I HAD to name my dog with a human name I think I would have to go post-war UK middle class: Roger, Clive, Humphrey, Bernard, Nigel etc.
They are only man dog names but I nth daphne above - very good name.
posted by fatmouse at 8:57 PM on December 15, 2011
But if I HAD to name my dog with a human name I think I would have to go post-war UK middle class: Roger, Clive, Humphrey, Bernard, Nigel etc.
They are only man dog names but I nth daphne above - very good name.
posted by fatmouse at 8:57 PM on December 15, 2011
Dartanian, largely because it can be truncated into "Dart", "Darty", and, eventually, "Farty", which IMO is an apt moniker for any and all canines.
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 9:04 PM on December 15, 2011
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 9:04 PM on December 15, 2011
Genghis Kahn
posted by mannequito at 9:25 PM on December 15, 2011
posted by mannequito at 9:25 PM on December 15, 2011
I had a cat named "Dropkick", but he really had the personality to go with it. Also a cat named Einstein that was particularly thick, loveable but dumb as a brick. Either of those would work for a dog. Also how about Defa as in Defa Dog, I always thing that's a teasing name because it's basically just calling a dog . .dog.
posted by wwax at 9:28 PM on December 15, 2011
posted by wwax at 9:28 PM on December 15, 2011
Edsel
posted by Nickel Pickle at 9:36 PM on December 15, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by Nickel Pickle at 9:36 PM on December 15, 2011 [2 favorites]
My next dog's name is going to be Rupert, Stanley, or Boudreaux.
posted by elizardbits at 10:02 PM on December 15, 2011
posted by elizardbits at 10:02 PM on December 15, 2011
Agreeing with Trip and a Half. Nicknames come after you have the dog for some time. She has a regular-old sounding doggie name, but our pup is commonly known as Neener Neener Pumpkin Eater, Sidewinder, Farty McTootypants and any other iteration we can come up with.
As for naming suggestions, I knew a couple of collies who were named Greg and Kevin. I've always loved that.
posted by msali at 10:11 PM on December 15, 2011
As for naming suggestions, I knew a couple of collies who were named Greg and Kevin. I've always loved that.
posted by msali at 10:11 PM on December 15, 2011
You probably live in the wrong country to know the reference, but the first thing I thought of was this:
Charlie the Wonderdog
posted by kjs4 at 11:17 PM on December 15, 2011
Charlie the Wonderdog
posted by kjs4 at 11:17 PM on December 15, 2011
Ned Ryerson
Although it's probably better as a name for a small dog like a dachshund.
posted by Muttoneer at 11:45 PM on December 15, 2011
Although it's probably better as a name for a small dog like a dachshund.
posted by Muttoneer at 11:45 PM on December 15, 2011
We have a tradition of naming pets after cartoon characters, which in the past has resulted in:
Cecil (a garter snake)
Clyde Crashcup (a clumsy kitten, who became a clumsier cat)
Boris & Natasha (male/female mini dachshunds)
Harecules Hare (a rabbit)
and our current mini dachshund, Dexter (after Dexter in "Dexter's Laboratory", of course)
posted by motown missile at 12:38 AM on December 16, 2011
Cecil (a garter snake)
Clyde Crashcup (a clumsy kitten, who became a clumsier cat)
Boris & Natasha (male/female mini dachshunds)
Harecules Hare (a rabbit)
and our current mini dachshund, Dexter (after Dexter in "Dexter's Laboratory", of course)
posted by motown missile at 12:38 AM on December 16, 2011
I don't know, I'm pretty partial to Blunder myself...
posted by titantoppler at 3:51 AM on December 16, 2011
posted by titantoppler at 3:51 AM on December 16, 2011
How about Dubya, or my perennial favorite dog name Diogi.
posted by bricksNmortar at 4:06 AM on December 16, 2011
posted by bricksNmortar at 4:06 AM on December 16, 2011
Named my kitten Gulliver (Gullie for short) since he is a greedy little glutton.
posted by bCat at 4:14 AM on December 16, 2011
posted by bCat at 4:14 AM on December 16, 2011
Just a thought, but what are you going to do if your dog turns out to be staggeringly intelligent, beautifully well-mannered, of cheerful disposition, clean in habit, and so much more than you ever imagined a dog could be? In short, not the least bit blundering, drooling, farting, or doltish? Wouldn't it be better to give it a normal name now, and pin it with a disparaging nickname later on if it feels right?
posted by HotToddy at 9:13 AM on December 16, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by HotToddy at 9:13 AM on December 16, 2011 [1 favorite]
+1 for Stanley. It's a fun person name with the bonus that in college we used this popular home improvement brand as a code nickname for people who were tools.
posted by slmorri at 10:39 AM on December 16, 2011
posted by slmorri at 10:39 AM on December 16, 2011
Dorkus. Although the only person I ever met with that name was my friend's mom. Man, did I ever let him have it for that.
posted by XhaustedProphet at 3:03 AM on December 17, 2011
posted by XhaustedProphet at 3:03 AM on December 17, 2011
Response by poster: We ended up picking "Finley" as a name. No disparagement at all. He's a wonderful doggy.
posted by blue_wardrobe at 9:29 PM on December 22, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by blue_wardrobe at 9:29 PM on December 22, 2011 [2 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by shortyJBot at 6:53 PM on December 15, 2011