Too busy to feel this shitty?
December 14, 2011 10:37 PM Subscribe
I'm too busy to be depressed. How can I truck through this?
I realize this isn't even close to the most ideal option, but the most ideal option - therapy, of course - isn't one for me (freelancer's [unreliable] salary, no health insurance, no time for appointments, not much in the way of savings / stuff to pay for even a sliding scale.)
It's December, the most busy time of the month in my field. We're talking regular "overtime" (not paid overtime, but that sort of thing), multiple assignments, deadlines every day, constantly working, literally every waking hour. I need to be on whatever's above my A-game. The alternative is career death.
Problem is, I just want to curl up in bed and stay there for a long time. Every day, I feel this more. The other day, after finishing a project at 11:30 PM, I spent the next hour in total silence, and all I could think was how just wanted to quit and give up forever. (Instead of thinking about my other projects, naturally.) I don't know whether these are related, but it doesn't matter.
I don't care how upset I get in private - that's for later - but for now, how do I be around people and pretend that everything's OK? I've been told that I complain too much by friends, so this is especially pressing now. What I need is just a way to truck through this month, but my normal strategies aren't working much anymore.
I realize this isn't even close to the most ideal option, but the most ideal option - therapy, of course - isn't one for me (freelancer's [unreliable] salary, no health insurance, no time for appointments, not much in the way of savings / stuff to pay for even a sliding scale.)
It's December, the most busy time of the month in my field. We're talking regular "overtime" (not paid overtime, but that sort of thing), multiple assignments, deadlines every day, constantly working, literally every waking hour. I need to be on whatever's above my A-game. The alternative is career death.
Problem is, I just want to curl up in bed and stay there for a long time. Every day, I feel this more. The other day, after finishing a project at 11:30 PM, I spent the next hour in total silence, and all I could think was how just wanted to quit and give up forever. (Instead of thinking about my other projects, naturally.) I don't know whether these are related, but it doesn't matter.
I don't care how upset I get in private - that's for later - but for now, how do I be around people and pretend that everything's OK? I've been told that I complain too much by friends, so this is especially pressing now. What I need is just a way to truck through this month, but my normal strategies aren't working much anymore.
Depressives want to curl up and be lost in the ruminations of the mind. The more they immmerse in rumination, they more lifeless they appear to the outside world, from which they're receding in favor of an internality where they obsess over some fraught, negative bit of this-or-that.
It's a powerful draw. But if you stay occupied, you won't recede into that shadowy landscape. You may feel annoyed and drained, because the real world pales by comparison. But there are inner urges that are good to indulge, and ones that are not. So, to determine which one this is, ask yourself whether receding into inner rumination has ever yielded good results?
I don't mean brooding over something concrete - some bit of creativity or brainstorming about a tangible issue. I mean just when the world has you fed up and feeling compelled to pull inward and lick wounds. Does that ever work out well? If not, then thank goodness for work. Dive into it, and don't be pulled out of it by these compulsions. And realize that the shittiness isn't from the work. It's from the inner sourness that wants to pull you squarely into its vat. It's a siren.
posted by Quisp Lover at 11:04 PM on December 14, 2011 [18 favorites]
It's a powerful draw. But if you stay occupied, you won't recede into that shadowy landscape. You may feel annoyed and drained, because the real world pales by comparison. But there are inner urges that are good to indulge, and ones that are not. So, to determine which one this is, ask yourself whether receding into inner rumination has ever yielded good results?
I don't mean brooding over something concrete - some bit of creativity or brainstorming about a tangible issue. I mean just when the world has you fed up and feeling compelled to pull inward and lick wounds. Does that ever work out well? If not, then thank goodness for work. Dive into it, and don't be pulled out of it by these compulsions. And realize that the shittiness isn't from the work. It's from the inner sourness that wants to pull you squarely into its vat. It's a siren.
posted by Quisp Lover at 11:04 PM on December 14, 2011 [18 favorites]
I deal with similar issues, and when I'm thinking clearly I agree with alex_skazat. Rest is essental, even when--especially when--you feel you don't have time for it.
When you finish a project at 11:30 PM, that is not the time to be thinking about your other projects.
posted by Superfrankenstein at 11:07 PM on December 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
When you finish a project at 11:30 PM, that is not the time to be thinking about your other projects.
posted by Superfrankenstein at 11:07 PM on December 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
What you need is sleep.
posted by KokuRyu at 11:11 PM on December 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by KokuRyu at 11:11 PM on December 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
hey, we're in a similar boat. you don't need to think about the next project when you're done with your current one (or while you're working on it, even). especially not at 1130p. go for a walk, listen to some music or (my favorite) get some rest!
to put it this way: both you and your clients will be happier if you slow down just a little bit, generate some happiness and then reinvest that generated happiness back into your craft.
you can work harder, smarter and better if you just pay some attention to your mental well-being and not your work.
posted by raihan_ at 11:15 PM on December 14, 2011 [2 favorites]
to put it this way: both you and your clients will be happier if you slow down just a little bit, generate some happiness and then reinvest that generated happiness back into your craft.
you can work harder, smarter and better if you just pay some attention to your mental well-being and not your work.
posted by raihan_ at 11:15 PM on December 14, 2011 [2 favorites]
I have no idea where you are (I mean, if you are affected by a colder darker winter season) but when I hit a crippling depressive low last year around this time and didn't get out of bed for three weeks, I started taking omega-3 supplements (flax oil and DHA from algae because I'm vegetarian, but most people take fish oil), vitamin D (2000 IU), and a B-complex vitamin, daily. I had read this article about how a nutritional deficiency in omega-3s may affect mental health. Having low levels of vitamin D has been linked to depression (I Googled this this up but you can find plenty more). And a deficiency in B-vitamins may affect mood as well.
I saw a difference in a matter of a few days. It didn't make the depression go away, but it was the difference between getting out of bed and functioning, versus - well, not ever getting out of bed and being overwhelmed by dark thoughts that I couldn't shut down. So. There's some anecdata for you. IANAD and this is not medical advice; but you may find it useful to research along these lines yourself.
posted by flex at 11:40 PM on December 14, 2011 [13 favorites]
I saw a difference in a matter of a few days. It didn't make the depression go away, but it was the difference between getting out of bed and functioning, versus - well, not ever getting out of bed and being overwhelmed by dark thoughts that I couldn't shut down. So. There's some anecdata for you. IANAD and this is not medical advice; but you may find it useful to research along these lines yourself.
posted by flex at 11:40 PM on December 14, 2011 [13 favorites]
Take some Sam-e. You can find it in the vitamin section of stores like WalMart, Target, drugstores. It's something your body makes naturally, like vitamin D. The stuff works miracles, and there are no side effects. You can start with 200 mg and take 200 mg more if you need to. Stay away from the Nature Made brand though. I read that testing has shown they don't actually contain the dosage listed.
posted by MexicanYenta at 12:07 AM on December 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by MexicanYenta at 12:07 AM on December 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
I don't know what your normal coping strategies are, but here are a few exercises I learned when I was seeing a cognitive therapist.
1. Give your thought/feeling a
a) shape
b) color
c) size
d) texture
e) voltage
f) speed
and any other quality you can think of
Visualize it before you. Try to feel compassion for it. It wants to be heard, it has nowhere else to go. See if you can allow it to just be. And then try to actually accept it back into yourself.
2. Try to embody an attitude of "Welcome."
Imagine all unwanted thoughts or feelings as visitors. They knock on the door, and you welcome them in, no matter what they are (thoughts of doom, depression, anger, fear of death, and so on), but you let them know that you're quite busy and have to do some work in the other room. You let them know that you won't be able to entertain them, but that there's plenty of food in the fridge, and they can stay as long as they like. You have no limit as to how many guests you can receive, and to each one you explain that you're occupied with other things but they are welcome nonetheless.
3. Rephrase your thoughts and say them aloud in different voices, at different speeds.
Take, for example:
all I could think was how just wanted to quit and give up forever
You could say, "I dream of retiring eternally". Say it in another accent and/or in a silly cartoon voice. Say it very, very slowly.
Try this one with a bunch of different thoughts. It might even make you laugh at yourself, and that always feels great.
...
The first two exercises obviously deal with resistance, which usually increases stress and negative feelings. If you can find a way to allow yourself to feel what you're feeling, and not be so focused on not feeling that way, then you'll probably make it a lot easier for yourself to just focus on your work.
Hope you find these helpful!
Good luck!
posted by seriousmoonlight at 4:27 AM on December 15, 2011 [19 favorites]
1. Give your thought/feeling a
a) shape
b) color
c) size
d) texture
e) voltage
f) speed
and any other quality you can think of
Visualize it before you. Try to feel compassion for it. It wants to be heard, it has nowhere else to go. See if you can allow it to just be. And then try to actually accept it back into yourself.
2. Try to embody an attitude of "Welcome."
Imagine all unwanted thoughts or feelings as visitors. They knock on the door, and you welcome them in, no matter what they are (thoughts of doom, depression, anger, fear of death, and so on), but you let them know that you're quite busy and have to do some work in the other room. You let them know that you won't be able to entertain them, but that there's plenty of food in the fridge, and they can stay as long as they like. You have no limit as to how many guests you can receive, and to each one you explain that you're occupied with other things but they are welcome nonetheless.
3. Rephrase your thoughts and say them aloud in different voices, at different speeds.
Take, for example:
all I could think was how just wanted to quit and give up forever
You could say, "I dream of retiring eternally". Say it in another accent and/or in a silly cartoon voice. Say it very, very slowly.
Try this one with a bunch of different thoughts. It might even make you laugh at yourself, and that always feels great.
...
The first two exercises obviously deal with resistance, which usually increases stress and negative feelings. If you can find a way to allow yourself to feel what you're feeling, and not be so focused on not feeling that way, then you'll probably make it a lot easier for yourself to just focus on your work.
Hope you find these helpful!
Good luck!
posted by seriousmoonlight at 4:27 AM on December 15, 2011 [19 favorites]
I've recommended this on the Green before: the book The Depression Cure may have some good strategies for overcoming this stuff. It's meant to be a book about beating depression without drugs, but you may find its advice useful because it describes some things that you can (maybe) start doing right now like light exercise (even just taking a half-hour walk every day), getting a regular sleep schedule, getting exposed to full-spectrum light, and so on.
Take care of yourself. This is a hard part of the year.
posted by gauche at 5:57 AM on December 15, 2011
Take care of yourself. This is a hard part of the year.
posted by gauche at 5:57 AM on December 15, 2011
Best answer: For me, the key during busy times is to take breaks before I get tired. If I take them at any other point (like at the point where I'm getting tired, or after I finish a particular segment of work) then what invariably happens is I don't want to go back to work. Then work itself gets this association of tiredness and feeling fed up, and it's much harder to get it done.
To take breaks before I get tired, I use the Pomodoro method, also called timeboxing. The idea is to work in chunks, e.g. 20 mins work, 5 mins break, 20 mins work, 5 mins break. Use a kitchen timer and follow it religiously - it's like outsourcing your willpower. For the purpose of avoiding depression, the break is mandatory and should involve not staring at your work (e.g. get up and walk around the house, sweep the floor, do something else physical). I suggest to work in chunks of somewhere around 10-30 minutes.
Ideally, at the point where you take your break, you should feel like you could keep right on going. ("Anyone can work for 10 minutes! This is a piece of cake!") Then you take your break, and when you return from the break, you can keep right on going. Every hour or two, take a slightly longer break (e.g. 10 mins instead of 5 mins) to recharge.
The other thing I used to tell myself was: "It's holiday season. Focus on your work. Right now, EVERYTHING ELSE IS NOT A PRIORITY." Yes, I even thought it in all caps inside my head. Works to remind yourself that work comes first, but only right now, and this period will end.
posted by danceswithlight at 6:51 AM on December 15, 2011 [3 favorites]
To take breaks before I get tired, I use the Pomodoro method, also called timeboxing. The idea is to work in chunks, e.g. 20 mins work, 5 mins break, 20 mins work, 5 mins break. Use a kitchen timer and follow it religiously - it's like outsourcing your willpower. For the purpose of avoiding depression, the break is mandatory and should involve not staring at your work (e.g. get up and walk around the house, sweep the floor, do something else physical). I suggest to work in chunks of somewhere around 10-30 minutes.
Ideally, at the point where you take your break, you should feel like you could keep right on going. ("Anyone can work for 10 minutes! This is a piece of cake!") Then you take your break, and when you return from the break, you can keep right on going. Every hour or two, take a slightly longer break (e.g. 10 mins instead of 5 mins) to recharge.
The other thing I used to tell myself was: "It's holiday season. Focus on your work. Right now, EVERYTHING ELSE IS NOT A PRIORITY." Yes, I even thought it in all caps inside my head. Works to remind yourself that work comes first, but only right now, and this period will end.
posted by danceswithlight at 6:51 AM on December 15, 2011 [3 favorites]
Given the time of year, this could be SAD. Look into lighting, maybe a light box, or just a very bright lamp (they make special fluorescent lamps for this), use them during normal daylight hours for the solstice or so. Turn them off a couple of hours before bed, either way. Also, look up other posts about SAD. Lots of good advice in those.
posted by Hactar at 9:01 AM on December 15, 2011
posted by Hactar at 9:01 AM on December 15, 2011
I am in a similar boat right now, work-wise. (Clearly, procrastinating on Metafilter is probably not what I should be doing. Whoops.)
If you feel well enough to be able to get out of bed, I would say - Exercise. Exercise exercise. Not even necessarily an intense cardio workout, but just taking a walk. Outside if you can (it's pretty wintry where I am ... I'm bundling up.) Breathing. Not thinking about work for just a little while.
I felt so stressed out at the beginning of this crunch that I didn't have time for breaks or walks. But it turns out that walks HELP with productivity. Endorphins flow, my energy level is HIGHER, and I'm MORE efficient when I sit down to work. Amazing, but true.
I also have a habit of ruminating and feeling depressed. Getting my body moving, trying to be in tune with the physicality of my being, is usually the first step on the road to feeling better.
I hope you feel better soon.
posted by bookgirl18 at 10:15 AM on December 15, 2011
If you feel well enough to be able to get out of bed, I would say - Exercise. Exercise exercise. Not even necessarily an intense cardio workout, but just taking a walk. Outside if you can (it's pretty wintry where I am ... I'm bundling up.) Breathing. Not thinking about work for just a little while.
I felt so stressed out at the beginning of this crunch that I didn't have time for breaks or walks. But it turns out that walks HELP with productivity. Endorphins flow, my energy level is HIGHER, and I'm MORE efficient when I sit down to work. Amazing, but true.
I also have a habit of ruminating and feeling depressed. Getting my body moving, trying to be in tune with the physicality of my being, is usually the first step on the road to feeling better.
I hope you feel better soon.
posted by bookgirl18 at 10:15 AM on December 15, 2011
(Also, is there anyone around you who is available for hugs, no questions asked? Hugs are pretty top-notch.)
posted by bookgirl18 at 10:17 AM on December 15, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by bookgirl18 at 10:17 AM on December 15, 2011 [2 favorites]
FWIW, Sam-e made me blissfully happy the first three days I took it. It made me very, very, very anxious the next three days, until I realized what was causing it and immediately stopped taking it. And then another three days when I detoxed from it. And then, ditto when I repeated the test a few weeks later thinking I must have been imagining it. Never again.
If you can manage sun and exercise, it surely can't hurt.
posted by instamatic at 4:59 PM on December 17, 2011
If you can manage sun and exercise, it surely can't hurt.
posted by instamatic at 4:59 PM on December 17, 2011
Huh, instamatic, that's interesting. I've never had that reaction. I guess as they say, YMMV. I do know you're not suppose to take it with any medications without checking with your doctor. (As with most things.)
posted by MexicanYenta at 6:02 PM on December 17, 2011
posted by MexicanYenta at 6:02 PM on December 17, 2011
Response by poster: Hi. Me again. I'm buried beneath work (yes, it's 2:30 on a Saturday night - it's that kind of situation.)
Thanks for the suggestions, though. Breaks aren't really the issue - I procrastinate enough on getting started. And I guess I've been missing out on exercise lately, but some things just get to be priority Z.
Only a few weeks until things calm down.
posted by dekathelon at 11:38 PM on December 17, 2011
Thanks for the suggestions, though. Breaks aren't really the issue - I procrastinate enough on getting started. And I guess I've been missing out on exercise lately, but some things just get to be priority Z.
Only a few weeks until things calm down.
posted by dekathelon at 11:38 PM on December 17, 2011
If you don't prioritize exercise highly, your tendency will be to do it less and less, as you get busier and busier. If you suffer from depression, exercise is crucial, and finding time for it will ensure that your work goes more efficiently. So it actually buys its own time.
posted by Quisp Lover at 9:04 AM on December 18, 2011
posted by Quisp Lover at 9:04 AM on December 18, 2011
Response by poster: And it's me yet again. Things have gotten a lot worse, thanks to a combination of everything causing everything else: a guy I was seeing telling me he's not interested but he would be OK being friends, which essentially means he thinks I'm unattractive (that's the only missing variable); my ex being terrible to me and then just leaving me to be alone and upset all night, 1200 words due an hour ago, an edit of a manuscript due a day ago, 400 words due in two hours and 1000 words due in five hours, and no sleep as a result. I cannot take any of this anymore. I'm at my wits' end, and I can't be at my wits' end. I have no idea what to do.
posted by dekathelon at 3:59 AM on December 20, 2011
posted by dekathelon at 3:59 AM on December 20, 2011
Things that may help you get through the day: B vitamins(stress), Sam-e(stress, depression, focus), Rodiola Rosea (focus, depression, energy), CoQ10 (focus).
Take a few deep breaths. Since you've got several impossible deadlines, arrange them in the order you can finish them- easiest to hardest. You'll feel better after you've knocked out the two easiest than if you spend the same amount of time trying but not finishing the hardest.
Can you hire some temp help to do some of the grunt work?
Guy who wants to be friends? get mad at him, and use your anger to motivate you to get your work done.
Hang in there, its almost over, and as Paula Deen says, "It gets butter!"
posted by MexicanYenta at 7:12 AM on December 20, 2011
Take a few deep breaths. Since you've got several impossible deadlines, arrange them in the order you can finish them- easiest to hardest. You'll feel better after you've knocked out the two easiest than if you spend the same amount of time trying but not finishing the hardest.
Can you hire some temp help to do some of the grunt work?
Guy who wants to be friends? get mad at him, and use your anger to motivate you to get your work done.
Hang in there, its almost over, and as Paula Deen says, "It gets butter!"
posted by MexicanYenta at 7:12 AM on December 20, 2011
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posted by alex_skazat at 10:47 PM on December 14, 2011 [7 favorites]