How do I learn to prefer the real deal?
December 13, 2011 5:07 PM Subscribe
I find myself persistently drawn to elusive, short-term prospects rather than actual Good Real People. It's frustrating and ultimately unfulfilling, and so I'm curious to hear from anyone who made the jump from Silly to Real, and how that transition unfolded, and what (if anything) you did to help it along.
posted by snackattack to human relations (5 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
For the past few months I've been dating this woman, a friend of mine. It's still low-key and noncommittal, but very nice, caring, etc -- she's a good person, we like each other, we see eye to eye. Meanwhile, though, I find myself getting into ambiguous extended flirty situations -- first with one, and then now a different one, and presumably more to come, with all the usual nonsense (should I text? what does this signal indicate? etc). It's exhausting and ultimately unfulfilling -- but still I find myself quickly sucked in each time. It's not even that I'm chasing sex or… I don't even know what I'm chasing, just the whole dance, the feedback, who knows.
The question is not whether this woman I'm dating is The One; it's too soon to say, of course, and anyway that's not my question here -- she's certainly a better prospect than these random sparkly faces. I'm also not asking whether these other things are a betrayal of our relationship; I certainly don't feel great about them, but we haven't declared any exclusivity. I'm just frustrated with myself for falling back into these patterns, for not having grown past them (I'm early 30s), for being drawn to these elusive situations rather than a living, breathing, present individual.
So: I'm curious to hear from anyone who made the jump from Silly to Real, and how that transition unfolded, and what (if anything) you did to help it along.