She wants a fling, I'm wishing for a relationship
December 13, 2011 3:58 PM Subscribe
Met this incredible girl who i fell head over heels in love with. However, she's reluctant to move our relationship forward because of her past. I'm left confused and wanting more..
posted by kampken to human relations (20 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
Recently I've met a very interesting girl and we really hit it off straight away. We have lots in common and really enjoy each others company. It's been a while since I've met a person with whom i share so much and someone who really gets me and i feel myself falling in love with her rapidly.
However, she seems reluctant to commit more and freezes up whenever i mention anything that could hint at a relationship, and I'm starting to have some doubts about what to do next.
I don't wanna pressure her into a relationship if she's not interested, and I definitely don't wanna get too clingy and needy with her and scare her off.
However, I'm not really looking for a fling or a casual relationship and I don't want to spend too much time on it if it's not going anywhere and she just wants to keep it casual forever. It's not just the time that is wasted, but i feel like I'm being used emotionally and sexually and made out to be a fool. Also, i feel like a hit a emotional wall whenever i wish to tell her how i feel about her, because i know she dislikes it whenever i try to talk about deeper feelings and love.
I know that she's had some troublesome and abusive relationships in the past, which is making her reluctant to go into a new one. She's been cheated on by her previous boyfriends and there might have been some physical abuse also.
I have a feeling that I'm a very different type of guy than the ones she usually falls for. That could be an advantage since obviously I'm not the abusive type. But it could also be the reason she is hesitating to be with me and maybe she's just keeping me at a distance for that reason.
I'm really confused about what to do next. I really care for this girl and even though i know she has had a rough past I'm not gonna let that get in the way of our relationship. If anything, I want to help her and support her in any way possible, but i just feel like she's not letting me get too close. It's an very unpleasant feeling of being helpless. So it seems like her past is getting in our way and there is not much i can do about it.
So i guess I'm looking for advice on how to handle it. How do i support her and help her mend her past and show her I'm not that kind of guy her previous boyfriends were. Or do i simply cut my losses and move on because this is a lost fight and I'll just get hurt by trying to "save her"?