No. You really ARE crazy.
December 13, 2011 1:22 PM Subscribe
Rejectionfilter: I'm not that into him, told him and now he's causing drama. How do I navigate this situation?
posted by anonymous to human relations (33 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
Anonymous because I'm concerned about retaliation and cyber-stalking.
I'm part of a social club and was asked out on a date by a guy a few months ago. We had been acquaintances through this club for several months prior. Since I didn't see this coming, I agreed to go out with him, because I did kind of like him and wanted to give it a shot. I'm single, he's single and we're both in our 30s. Hey, you never know.
I dated him for about 4-5 weeks and things were a bit intense from the start, but I kept dating him because I was on the fence about him. He kept trying to get me to commit to being his girlfriend and I flat out told him that I wasn't ready to stop seeing other people. I liked him, and wasn't sure if I wanted to be in a full-fledged relationship with him, so I kept going on dates with him and seeing each other. He knew that I was also dating other people and seemed to be ok with it, although I was feeling pressure to become his girlfriend, which I wasn't ready to do. I don't think I was leading him on - I genuinely liked him and wanted to see where it went, but wasn't ready for the serious talk and such. We eventually slept together after 4 weeks and again, I was just rolling with things to see where they went. I don't regret it, and it just kind of happened actually. I tend to see sex as part of the whole dating package anyways and not a huge deal, and I'm sure that makes me a bad person. Within days of that though, things took a turn for the ultra-dramatic. I realized I was being cyber stalked by him and being completely smothered. This made me really uncomfortable and trapped, so after a few days of this super-intense creepy behavior, I talked to him in person about this. I used the Miko guidelines (Thanks MeFites!) and told him that I like him a lot, but am just not feeling that strongly about a relationship with him, and that I think we should just move on. He was upset, but accepted this.
I started seeing someone else (who is awesome and now my boyfriend and I WANT to be his girlfriend, FWIW).
A few weeks later, we had a social club gathering. The creepy guy was there and was being civil. However, he found out that I had started dating someone else shortly after I pulled the plug with him and as a result, caused this GIGANTIC dramatic scene (we're talking screaming in a public place, the whole bit). I remained calm, didn't feed into it, just quietly picked up my things and left without saying anything.
Over the next week, he managed to email/call/hunt down all of my friends and acquaintances within the club to "vent", but in actuality was spewing all sorts of dramatic flat-out lies about me. He started following a blog that I actively maintain. He started sending me manipulative emails demanding apologies and saying very hurtful and nasty things about me and twisting everything around to victimize himself. I did not engage, I simply filed this information away. It was very hurtful actually.
Last week, two friends of mine through the club approached me about it all. They told me that they are sick of his drama and are exhausted by it. I merely told them that I'm really not involved in any of this, and am not feeding into it. I'm not sure what they want me to do about it - I already told him I'm not that into him and have not been engaging in this crazyiness. He ended up showing up at our club that night, ignored me but was overly loud and obnoxious and upon leaving, made a giant, overly-dramatic exit where he made it a point to hug everyone goodbye (COMPLETELY out of character for what he usually does) and walked up to hug me goodbye (after ignoring me all night) and I stepped backwards because I was really uncomfortable. He left, but now is right back again with spreading more rumors, exhausting people with his stories, reading everything that I blog about...
What do I do in this situation? My now-boyfriend knows about all of this and has seen some of it firsthand and thinks it's childish and ridiculous. I agree. I just want the club to be a comfortable place again and not tense. I don't want people to be exhausted by this situation. I'm also concerned about the cyber-stalking.
TL;DR: Started dating a guy who expressed interest in me. I wasn't feeling it and told him, now he's trying to make my life a living hell. I'm concerned that he's trying to sabotage my friendships and positive relationships in my life and has totally killed any opportunities I have to get to know others within a social club that we belong to. What do I do? :(