How Do I Navigate This New-Job Drama?
December 12, 2011 3:29 PM Subscribe
How do I navigate this new-job drama? Snowflakey stuff inside!
I've been at my job since October, and I mostly love it. The people are cool, the commute isn't bad, the job is challenging and has growth potential. I'm making more money than I ever have, I have insurance, and I have already hung out with some of my work friends outside of work. Score! Kinda...
The person I share an office with has worked for the company a long, long time. We get along well and have fun at work. I think they are very comfortable in their position and take advantage of some things their longevity has earned them. I'm not really opposed to some of the things (like coming in later than everyone else but leaving at the same time) because hopefully one day I will have earned some of those benefits. But there are loud, extended, personal phone calls. There are extralong lunches. There is a lot of texting (I get it, we're at work all day! But can you maybe put it on "silent" and not just "vibrate" so that I don't also have to be alerted every time you get a text?) and Words With Friends and Facebook and horoscope-checking. When there is a phone call they don't want to take, they make me take it even though that's not my job. And I can't say, "Hey, that's actually not my job" since I'm new. I don't report to this person, but they do rank higher than I do so I don't feel right saying, "No, you handle it" and I do want to maintain a good relationship so I feel like saying no could jeopardize that as well.
None of this would have been too huge of a deal, except the person got called into the boss's office today for a talking-to about these things. I didn't lodge a formal complaint, but I did mention "Wow, now they're talking to their high school sweetheart and reading their 20-year-old diary out loud on the phone!" to a coworker on our in-house IM program. During this person's meeting, they were told that "everyone" has been talking about the excessive phone calls. I have heard that our IM convos are monitored, and I assume by "everyone" they meant me, and didn't want to get me busted. But since we are the only two people in our office, it seems pretty obvious to me that the complainer would have to be me!
Today after I got back from lunch, the person was in a terrible mood. They gave me the whole run-down and I was all, "WTF?" with them to be supportive. But inside I was screaming! I have to share an office with this person and be friendly and now they think I'm complaining to management about their work habits! We are going to have to continue working together and I'd like it to be as pleasant as possible, but I don't know how best to do that.
If it matters, I don't think the reprimand even helped. After they shook off their sour mood a bit, they got right back on the phone and remained that way for a long, long time. I could tell it was not a business call. I did not IM anyone, though I did text an office friend (both on personal cell phones that are not monitored!), because...seriously, learn your lesson, damn!
Also, from what I've heard, this person was having some trouble before I came along--bringing home-life troubles into the office and letting it affect their work, which seems to be what is still/again happening.
SO my question is: What do I do now? Be polite but aloof? Be friendly & clueless and act like I just can't believe someone would complain? Ask to change office buddies? I really like this job and didn't mean to have something like this happen so early on. I am doing a good job so far, but I know a 2-month employee isn't as valuable as a decade-plus employee is. I want to keep my job, stay on good terms with everyone, but also not be disturbed while I'm working on my shit.
Thanks for your insight!
I've been at my job since October, and I mostly love it. The people are cool, the commute isn't bad, the job is challenging and has growth potential. I'm making more money than I ever have, I have insurance, and I have already hung out with some of my work friends outside of work. Score! Kinda...
The person I share an office with has worked for the company a long, long time. We get along well and have fun at work. I think they are very comfortable in their position and take advantage of some things their longevity has earned them. I'm not really opposed to some of the things (like coming in later than everyone else but leaving at the same time) because hopefully one day I will have earned some of those benefits. But there are loud, extended, personal phone calls. There are extralong lunches. There is a lot of texting (I get it, we're at work all day! But can you maybe put it on "silent" and not just "vibrate" so that I don't also have to be alerted every time you get a text?) and Words With Friends and Facebook and horoscope-checking. When there is a phone call they don't want to take, they make me take it even though that's not my job. And I can't say, "Hey, that's actually not my job" since I'm new. I don't report to this person, but they do rank higher than I do so I don't feel right saying, "No, you handle it" and I do want to maintain a good relationship so I feel like saying no could jeopardize that as well.
None of this would have been too huge of a deal, except the person got called into the boss's office today for a talking-to about these things. I didn't lodge a formal complaint, but I did mention "Wow, now they're talking to their high school sweetheart and reading their 20-year-old diary out loud on the phone!" to a coworker on our in-house IM program. During this person's meeting, they were told that "everyone" has been talking about the excessive phone calls. I have heard that our IM convos are monitored, and I assume by "everyone" they meant me, and didn't want to get me busted. But since we are the only two people in our office, it seems pretty obvious to me that the complainer would have to be me!
Today after I got back from lunch, the person was in a terrible mood. They gave me the whole run-down and I was all, "WTF?" with them to be supportive. But inside I was screaming! I have to share an office with this person and be friendly and now they think I'm complaining to management about their work habits! We are going to have to continue working together and I'd like it to be as pleasant as possible, but I don't know how best to do that.
If it matters, I don't think the reprimand even helped. After they shook off their sour mood a bit, they got right back on the phone and remained that way for a long, long time. I could tell it was not a business call. I did not IM anyone, though I did text an office friend (both on personal cell phones that are not monitored!), because...seriously, learn your lesson, damn!
Also, from what I've heard, this person was having some trouble before I came along--bringing home-life troubles into the office and letting it affect their work, which seems to be what is still/again happening.
SO my question is: What do I do now? Be polite but aloof? Be friendly & clueless and act like I just can't believe someone would complain? Ask to change office buddies? I really like this job and didn't mean to have something like this happen so early on. I am doing a good job so far, but I know a 2-month employee isn't as valuable as a decade-plus employee is. I want to keep my job, stay on good terms with everyone, but also not be disturbed while I'm working on my shit.
Thanks for your insight!
This post was deleted for the following reason: Poster's request -- mathowie
Can I suggest you stop doing almost anything at all? Stop IMing about your coworkers - that is digital gossip, it's really unprofessional. Stop tracking your office mate's arrival times, lunch breaks and Facebook activities because they are nothing to do with you. Focus solely on the work you need to do. If your office mate's habits are genuinely interrupting you, then be a grownup and talk to her directly. "Hey, Sheila, I'm having trouble focusing and meeting deadlines - can we work something out about your mobile calls and text messages? Maybe you could turn the phone to silent and take calls in the hall or over lunch?"
And if they ask you to take their calls and this is genuinely not your job and she is not in your reporting line, just say "Oh sorry, can't - really wrapped up here!" In other words, less passive aggressive detailing of the issues, more big person pants boundaries to deal with the issues. You can do all of that while being friendly and polite and cheerful and still saying No.
posted by DarlingBri at 3:37 PM on December 12, 2011 [10 favorites]
And if they ask you to take their calls and this is genuinely not your job and she is not in your reporting line, just say "Oh sorry, can't - really wrapped up here!" In other words, less passive aggressive detailing of the issues, more big person pants boundaries to deal with the issues. You can do all of that while being friendly and polite and cheerful and still saying No.
posted by DarlingBri at 3:37 PM on December 12, 2011 [10 favorites]
loud, extended, personal phone calls = headphones and noise-cancelling software (which is free!)
extralong lunches = not your business
lot of texting = not your business, but if vibrating is bothering you, mention it
Words With Friends and Facebook and horoscope-checking = not your business
making you take phone calls = You're new, this is good. You'll be making connections with people and becoming known as the expert in resolving them.
Keep your head down and focus on making yourself recognized as a valuable member of the team. This person is doing a great job of sabotaging their career, not to mention their job, so just be polite as you cruise on by.
posted by HopperFan at 3:38 PM on December 12, 2011 [3 favorites]
extralong lunches = not your business
lot of texting = not your business, but if vibrating is bothering you, mention it
Words With Friends and Facebook and horoscope-checking = not your business
making you take phone calls = You're new, this is good. You'll be making connections with people and becoming known as the expert in resolving them.
Keep your head down and focus on making yourself recognized as a valuable member of the team. This person is doing a great job of sabotaging their career, not to mention their job, so just be polite as you cruise on by.
posted by HopperFan at 3:38 PM on December 12, 2011 [3 favorites]
If any of the noise of all of this actually impedes your work, then a polite, friendly conversation about it may be all you need to do. Gossiping over IM or e-mail or any other company-owned media is unprofessional and doesn't do any more good than the endless personal phone calls you're complaining about.
posted by xingcat at 3:42 PM on December 12, 2011
posted by xingcat at 3:42 PM on December 12, 2011
Response by poster: Got it! Knock off the IMs and texts on my own end. Solid advice. However--I don't really monitor her comings and goings. We share an office. People ask me all the time, "Where is That Person? It's 9 already!" and "Gone already? It's not yet 5." When I keep my chin down to do my work while the phone calls are going, they attempt to include me in the conversations (Blah blah blah, isn't that right masquesoporfavor?") and when I don't respond in time they mockingly say, "Oh SORRY! Am I DISTRACTING you while you're trying to work? SO SORRY!" I guess for me it seemed less risky to vent to a friend than to get involved with that.
I feel like the rest of the answers are going to be about me, so I'm comfortable closing the question now. Thanks y'all.
posted by masquesoporfavor at 3:42 PM on December 12, 2011
I feel like the rest of the answers are going to be about me, so I'm comfortable closing the question now. Thanks y'all.
posted by masquesoporfavor at 3:42 PM on December 12, 2011
"Oh SORRY! Am I DISTRACTING you while you're trying to work? SO SORRY!"
For something like this, try responding with a little self-deprecating sincerity:
"Yeah, sorry, I hate to be a total buzzkill, but I really need to get this TPS report done." Say it with a smile and get back to work.
posted by jacquilynne at 3:45 PM on December 12, 2011
For something like this, try responding with a little self-deprecating sincerity:
"Yeah, sorry, I hate to be a total buzzkill, but I really need to get this TPS report done." Say it with a smile and get back to work.
posted by jacquilynne at 3:45 PM on December 12, 2011
Keep your head down and your chin up- the metaphors don't quite mix but you know what I mean. Sounds like the office is on to your lazy co-worker, and who knows, maybe she'll be gone soon. As for "gossip", not writing anything down is one of the key rules. Anything written down can be used against you later! Stick to in-person or phone conversations.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:49 PM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:49 PM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
"I feel like the rest of the answers are going to be about me, so I'm comfortable closing the question now."
They're not about you - it's just that most of us have worked with someone like this. :)
If people ask you about where she is, just be honest, "I don't know. You should follow up with her via email/voicemail if you need something."
""Oh SORRY! Am I DISTRACTING you while you're trying to work? SO SORRY!" - yeah, this would annoy me, too. Which is why I wear headphones if I need to concentrate.
posted by HopperFan at 3:51 PM on December 12, 2011
They're not about you - it's just that most of us have worked with someone like this. :)
If people ask you about where she is, just be honest, "I don't know. You should follow up with her via email/voicemail if you need something."
""Oh SORRY! Am I DISTRACTING you while you're trying to work? SO SORRY!" - yeah, this would annoy me, too. Which is why I wear headphones if I need to concentrate.
posted by HopperFan at 3:51 PM on December 12, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
You didn't learn your lesson, because the lesson you should have taken away was "Don't gossip about your officemate with your co-workers" not "Maybe our internet conversations are monitored".
That's my answer:
Don't gossip with your coworkers about your officemate.
Be friendly, respond to your officemate's own tone in conversations and most importantly:
DON'T GOSSIP WITH YOUR COWORKERS ABOUT YOUR OFFICEMATE.
posted by jacquilynne at 3:36 PM on December 12, 2011 [9 favorites]