Why is my stupid brain trying to get in the way of good sex?
December 8, 2011 3:15 PM Subscribe
My husband and I have the opportunity for an intimate encounter with an awesome couple. Yay! But... trepidation! Snowflake blizzard inside.
posted by anonymous to human relations (44 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
A married couple that we have been friends with for a little while has sent out very low-pressure but very unambiguous feelers our way. We think they're great and fun and we're extremely attracted to them. Both my husband and I had the same first reaction: "Oh hell, yes."
But we've both got this niggling doubt.
We've been together and monogamous for six years. Our sex life is still rich and satisfying, but that doesn't mean a little spice couldn't help. When we've talked about this before we've always come to the agreement that "It would be hot as hell, but it would have to be just the right circumstances." Well, by all appearances these are those circumstances.
Neither of us were inexperienced before we got married. In fact we have both, separately, been engaged in more-than-twosomes before. But in each case, that was over a decade ago and we were in casual relationships.
This is not a casual relationship. Six years in, my husband and I are unbelievably heart-achingly in love with each other. I guess we're just both scared that this might somehow "break the spell."
But that's crazy, right? As much as we swoon over this couple, neither of us has any devices on anything more than a couple of nights of sweaty fun. It's not like I honestly believe that this other gut might have a magical penis that I'll need to leave my husband for.
And we both feel that we're secure enough not to be hurt by seeing someone else's hands on the other's body, but be both also understand that we might feel differently in the moment and we're ready and willing to say "this isn't working for us" if we need to.
Everyone involved is (or seems to be) a mature head-on-straight 30-something with a healthy relationship towards sex. I very much want this to happen. So why am I hesitating?
I need some way to figure out if this is one of those irrational fears I should banish with a mantra like "You can't be scared to live your life" or one of those gut feelings I should embrace by telling myself "the stakes are too high."