I am so afraid
December 8, 2011 9:45 AM Subscribe
I am stuck in a hole of fear.
posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (25 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
I am afraid. I have been so afraid of everything for a very long time and it is really hard for me.
Here is a simple random sample of what I am afraid of right now at 12:11a EST: power outage, home invasion, being on AF 447, having a night terror, my city attacked by electromagnetic pulse, soldiers showing up at my front door to hurt someone I love, fire, carbon monoxide poisoning, someone being under my bed or in my linen closet and waiting to hurt me, bedbugs, contacting Lassa fever, nuclear war, my boyfriend dying, losing my job, losing all my money...
All of the fears feel just as reasonable to me. I am as scared that there will be a zombie invasion (as close to 0 probability as you can get) as I am that I will lose my job (for the next year, probably about .15 probability) as I am that I will fight with my boyfriend (for the next year, probably about 1 probability). I am able to articulate the poor reasoning about a given fear (there is no such thing as zombies; my manager thinks I am great; my boyfriend and I have argued before and it has been okay) but it doesn't matter. I walk around all day about to cry and sometimes I have to stop and cry because I don't know how else to deal with it. Every fear I have feels just as reasonable as any other. Even if I debunk a fear (probably no rapid spiraling inflation and national poverty over the next 48 hours), it gets replaced instantly (cancer from Splenda).
I also tend to freak out and research about whatever I am afraid of. For a month, I was convinced that there were bugs on me. I knew that there were not bugs on me. I did not ever see anything but specs of whatever dirt or clothes or whatever on anything; I had no bites and didn't itch. But I felt like there were bugs on me and I researched bugs that could be on me for hours, and I still had no signs of bugs. But I still kept checking if there were bugs on me and "feeling" them.
Also, I get afraid and worried when I think about other people who are not me. For example, thinking about my mom feeling lonely makes me very, very upset. Thinking about people who live in DRC and are afraid of militias makes me very, very upset. Thinking about Native Americans who starved to death because of Andrew Jackson makes me very, very upset. I am afraid if I dno't think about these people, no one will think about them and they will be lost and in pain.
I am constantly sick to my stomach and sometimes I shake. Sometimes I totally lose my bearings, like the other night when I could not move from a chair for 30 minutes because I was afraid that I heard someone in the house, even though I hadn't heard anything.
I think I am going crazy. I am an early 20s female, generally healthy. I exercise but have trouble eating when I am feeling upset, which is more and more often. What is wrong with me, and how do I make this stop?