It's not a good time to have a baby, but I am worried this might be my only chance...
December 7, 2011 6:38 PM Subscribe
I want to have a baby. It is not the right time to have a baby. Rationally, I understand this. But emotionally, I am freaking out because of my age and feeling like I may not have other chances. How to best reconcile this?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (49 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
The short version: I turn 35 next summer. Intellectually, I knew that after 35 a woman's fertility declines. But that was all a theoretical concept to me because I was not in a relationship and there was no potential father who could actually make any of this a possibility.
Now, there is. And I am blissfully happy. But there are some complications.
1) He is in the process of finalizing a divorce. So leaving time for that, and then leaving time for us to live together first, then get married, then BE married, then have a baby and I am looking at being 36 years old before it's 'convenient' to even start trying!
2) I am currently in a job where it will likely be time for me to move on when my contract is up in June. So, if I get a new job, I would have to be working there for a certain length of time to be able to qualify for maternity benefits if I leave to have a baby. So, again, we're looking at a year from now before it's 'safe' to try. And I am just panicking because that feels really long to wait...
3) The boyfriend has a chronic health issue that, while manageable, would likely disqualify him from adopting. So, I feel like if we don't have a baby---now---I might never get to be a mother and that was just devastating.
It took me a long LONG time to meet the right guy. And now that I did, and there is a potential father for the hypothetical baby, I feel like my biological clock is making me a little crazy. I *know* that in a perfect world, it would make sense to wait just a little longer because of reasons 1 and 2. But my age, combined with the potential issue around adoption, just has me thinking 'screw being practical, have a baby NOW and then just deal with it.'
Advice? Anecdotes that might help me in this situation? Reassure me that it really isn't too late for me? I am so confused.