Depression.
December 4, 2011 10:13 PM Subscribe
My depression is slowly destroying me and I need it to stop. Please tell me it will get better. Also tell me what you did and how it has worked so I know there's hope.
I'm in a bad way. I suffered from major depression for around five years until about a year and a half ago. I thought it was gone. I went to a therapist to deal with anxiety, she pointed out that it sounded more like depression, I agreed and then somehow everything went to shit. Or maybe it was always shit. I can't remember anymore.
All I know is that nothing it worthwhile and I'm only barely able to make it into work much less feed myself, clean my apartment, and keep things in order. Please just tell me this will get better. I keep thinking going on medication might be a good idea - might give me the energy to get everything together, but I have this weird mental block about taking "the easy way out." I saw the therapist a couple weeks ago, her first regular opening is this week, so that's when I start. It's been tough waiting.
Um. Sorry this is so disjointed. I thought I was fine tonight and I am so, so not fine. I thought it was all getting better and then somehow I'm spiraling right back down and I really, really don't want to be.
Help. Thanks.
I'm in a bad way. I suffered from major depression for around five years until about a year and a half ago. I thought it was gone. I went to a therapist to deal with anxiety, she pointed out that it sounded more like depression, I agreed and then somehow everything went to shit. Or maybe it was always shit. I can't remember anymore.
All I know is that nothing it worthwhile and I'm only barely able to make it into work much less feed myself, clean my apartment, and keep things in order. Please just tell me this will get better. I keep thinking going on medication might be a good idea - might give me the energy to get everything together, but I have this weird mental block about taking "the easy way out." I saw the therapist a couple weeks ago, her first regular opening is this week, so that's when I start. It's been tough waiting.
Um. Sorry this is so disjointed. I thought I was fine tonight and I am so, so not fine. I thought it was all getting better and then somehow I'm spiraling right back down and I really, really don't want to be.
Help. Thanks.
It will get better. What worked for me: I took medication until I made enough progress in therapy that I felt I could cope without it. I still think about going back on it from time to time, because it makes things so much easier, but I had some side effects I'd prefer to avoid unless it gets as serious as it was a few years ago.
It might help to recognize what the "mental block" that tells you that taking medication is cheating is. It's your depression talking. It's the sickness in your brain telling you that you don't deserve help, that you should have to suffer. It's the dark, evil beast that lives in your brain trying to keep you from killing it off. It's not weird; it's understandable. But if you can keep reminding yourself that you deserve to have your life made easier, that you deserve to take whatever assistance you can get to get yourself happy and healthy, you'll have a lot more tools available to fight this.
I wish you all the best, and if you need someone to talk to, feel free to MeMail me.
posted by decathecting at 10:22 PM on December 4, 2011 [4 favorites]
It might help to recognize what the "mental block" that tells you that taking medication is cheating is. It's your depression talking. It's the sickness in your brain telling you that you don't deserve help, that you should have to suffer. It's the dark, evil beast that lives in your brain trying to keep you from killing it off. It's not weird; it's understandable. But if you can keep reminding yourself that you deserve to have your life made easier, that you deserve to take whatever assistance you can get to get yourself happy and healthy, you'll have a lot more tools available to fight this.
I wish you all the best, and if you need someone to talk to, feel free to MeMail me.
posted by decathecting at 10:22 PM on December 4, 2011 [4 favorites]
Medicine helps. I resisted medication and the best thing I ever did was listening to my doctor and allowing her to prescribe something for me. The medicine doesn't magically fix everything, but it does make it bearable so you can actually start to fix yourself.
It does get better. You deserve to be happy and peaceful and well. Allow the therapist to help you and prescribe medicine for you.
Don't despair, you're not alone ... breathe and get through it one minute at a time.
posted by Allee Katze at 10:26 PM on December 4, 2011 [3 favorites]
It does get better. You deserve to be happy and peaceful and well. Allow the therapist to help you and prescribe medicine for you.
Don't despair, you're not alone ... breathe and get through it one minute at a time.
posted by Allee Katze at 10:26 PM on December 4, 2011 [3 favorites]
It will get better.
One easy thing to do - if you are able, contact your GP and get your vitamin D levels checked. A lot of my depression is caused by low levels of vitamin D, and vitamin D supplements are inexpensive.
If that doesn't help, and/or your vitamin D levels are fine, there are numerous medications out there that treat depression. I have been on then at various points in my life (namely Paxil and Wellbutrin), and they have been a wonderful blessing.
posted by spinifex23 at 10:40 PM on December 4, 2011 [2 favorites]
One easy thing to do - if you are able, contact your GP and get your vitamin D levels checked. A lot of my depression is caused by low levels of vitamin D, and vitamin D supplements are inexpensive.
If that doesn't help, and/or your vitamin D levels are fine, there are numerous medications out there that treat depression. I have been on then at various points in my life (namely Paxil and Wellbutrin), and they have been a wonderful blessing.
posted by spinifex23 at 10:40 PM on December 4, 2011 [2 favorites]
Fighting depression? No holds barred, gloves off, and fight dirty.
You can do it, but use every friend, opportunity, medication, and treatment that you can. Ignore any little voices telling you not to bother people or that it's a bad time. Bother people - it's a good time, and if it isn't, keep coming back until it is.
I'm writing this because I'm still around, and I think you need to know that life is there waiting for you, and it feels good, once you get this beat.
posted by Wrinkled Stumpskin at 10:43 PM on December 4, 2011 [12 favorites]
You can do it, but use every friend, opportunity, medication, and treatment that you can. Ignore any little voices telling you not to bother people or that it's a bad time. Bother people - it's a good time, and if it isn't, keep coming back until it is.
I'm writing this because I'm still around, and I think you need to know that life is there waiting for you, and it feels good, once you get this beat.
posted by Wrinkled Stumpskin at 10:43 PM on December 4, 2011 [12 favorites]
Medication is not "the easy way out," although it sometimes feels that way.
Look, if you had a broken leg, you'd get it put in a cast so it could heal correctly, right? If you have a headache, and you know you can feel better with ibuprofen, you'd take that, too. And if you have a chronic condition such as high blood pressure or high cholesterol, you'd take something for that, too, right?
Depression is just like that. It is a sometimes-chronic, sometimes-up-and-down thing that requires different kinds of intervention for different people at different times. And even when you've been taking medication for a while, you still might need to take time and get the rest of your life back in alignment after it's been all wonky.
That is 100% okay.
I've got depression, my parents and aunts and uncles on both sides have depression, I'll probably always have depression... so what? I'm a nice person, I'm creative and talented (when I feel like it!), people seem to think I'm okay, and I bet you are too. I just happen to need a little bit of help here and there. EVERYBODY DOES.
Madamina's Advice For All Situations: Remember that every single person around you is fighting their own battle or dealing with something they can't shake. Even the people you think are the most "together" are doubting themselves and what they can do.
It will get better. Feel free to MeMail me if you'd like a hug :)
posted by Madamina at 10:44 PM on December 4, 2011 [7 favorites]
Look, if you had a broken leg, you'd get it put in a cast so it could heal correctly, right? If you have a headache, and you know you can feel better with ibuprofen, you'd take that, too. And if you have a chronic condition such as high blood pressure or high cholesterol, you'd take something for that, too, right?
Depression is just like that. It is a sometimes-chronic, sometimes-up-and-down thing that requires different kinds of intervention for different people at different times. And even when you've been taking medication for a while, you still might need to take time and get the rest of your life back in alignment after it's been all wonky.
That is 100% okay.
I've got depression, my parents and aunts and uncles on both sides have depression, I'll probably always have depression... so what? I'm a nice person, I'm creative and talented (when I feel like it!), people seem to think I'm okay, and I bet you are too. I just happen to need a little bit of help here and there. EVERYBODY DOES.
Madamina's Advice For All Situations: Remember that every single person around you is fighting their own battle or dealing with something they can't shake. Even the people you think are the most "together" are doubting themselves and what they can do.
It will get better. Feel free to MeMail me if you'd like a hug :)
posted by Madamina at 10:44 PM on December 4, 2011 [7 favorites]
Medication. If your depression (which wants, like a parasite, to go on living) is telling you that there's something shameful in taking it, please allow me to refer you to the story of David Foster Wallace.
posted by Adventurer at 10:58 PM on December 4, 2011
posted by Adventurer at 10:58 PM on December 4, 2011
First, know that you are in good company.
I am a depressed person and have struggled with depression since my late teens. I am still depressed, so I can't tell you how to fix it. But a few things from my experience:
Re: Meds - medication can suck. It can. The side effects can be utterly brutal, getting off of them, if you do, is complete fucking bloody hell, and for me just being on these drugs (I was on four at one point) can just make you feel like not yourself, like an addict, like you're hanging on because of these stupid pills. BUT, meds have at times saved my life. There have been times that it has gotten so bad that I am quite certain I would have gone the suicide route without them, without something to balance my brain chemicals and help me see a little more clearly and to give me the courage to take the other steps to get out of a hole. Meds are not the easy way out. I know it's easy to feel that way, and I've been there, but depression is sometimes not something you want to - or indeed can - wage some sort of courageous war of ideals on.
Because, here's the most important thing, help is ok. I know that there is a stigma - about depression (is it a disease?, do people really need those meds? - It is, and they do), about asking for help, about meds. But help is ok. Help is what humanity is about, and why people like therapists and doctors and friends and family exist. Sometimes we need help, and if it's meds, then it's meds and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Depression is nothing to fuck with - it can get out of control before you know it, and if you wait to long it can just get harder. and. harder. to get the help you need.
So, while meds are no panacea or whatever, you shouldn't feel bad about going that route if you need to. They can be a lifesaver.
Other than that, yeah - exercise is good. Yoga is my preferred thing, but whatever you like to do is fine. What's good about it is that it releases endorphins which make you happy, it makes you feel like you are doing something good for yourself (because you are), and it doesn't take any mental energy - in fact it unburdens you from thinking so goddamn much, and, if you're like me, that's a major part of depression.
Find things that make your depression worse and try to avoid them. For me, this is the news, Facebook, drinking.
Being with people can help. I can get really misanthropic, and start thinking that by god people are the cause of my depression! But when I isolate myself, my depression tends to get worse. It's about the right people. A good one or two is probably all you need, but you do need them.
There's no magical solution for this. I urge you to seek help - from a therapist, from friends, family. And don't feel guilty about it. It's easy to be depressed because you're depressed, which is an awful infinite regress.
You aren't alone.
posted by Lutoslawski at 11:11 PM on December 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
I am a depressed person and have struggled with depression since my late teens. I am still depressed, so I can't tell you how to fix it. But a few things from my experience:
Re: Meds - medication can suck. It can. The side effects can be utterly brutal, getting off of them, if you do, is complete fucking bloody hell, and for me just being on these drugs (I was on four at one point) can just make you feel like not yourself, like an addict, like you're hanging on because of these stupid pills. BUT, meds have at times saved my life. There have been times that it has gotten so bad that I am quite certain I would have gone the suicide route without them, without something to balance my brain chemicals and help me see a little more clearly and to give me the courage to take the other steps to get out of a hole. Meds are not the easy way out. I know it's easy to feel that way, and I've been there, but depression is sometimes not something you want to - or indeed can - wage some sort of courageous war of ideals on.
Because, here's the most important thing, help is ok. I know that there is a stigma - about depression (is it
So, while meds are no panacea or whatever, you shouldn't feel bad about going that route if you need to. They can be a lifesaver.
Other than that, yeah - exercise is good. Yoga is my preferred thing, but whatever you like to do is fine. What's good about it is that it releases endorphins which make you happy, it makes you feel like you are doing something good for yourself (because you are), and it doesn't take any mental energy - in fact it unburdens you from thinking so goddamn much, and, if you're like me, that's a major part of depression.
Find things that make your depression worse and try to avoid them. For me, this is the news, Facebook, drinking.
Being with people can help. I can get really misanthropic, and start thinking that by god people are the cause of my depression! But when I isolate myself, my depression tends to get worse. It's about the right people. A good one or two is probably all you need, but you do need them.
There's no magical solution for this. I urge you to seek help - from a therapist, from friends, family. And don't feel guilty about it. It's easy to be depressed because you're depressed, which is an awful infinite regress.
You aren't alone.
posted by Lutoslawski at 11:11 PM on December 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
Re: medication. It took me years to accept trying it out, took me to getting to the point where I would just try anything that would make me feel better. So I went on it, and it worked! Yay, right? But no. I still had a mental block about it, still felt bad about having it as a crutch, about not being able to be healthy and happy on my own. Still kept wanting to go off (and tried with varying degrees of horrible sinking back into depression) until one day my therapist said "why do you resist something that helps you so much?"
Medication has it's problems but saved my life. Don't deny yourself things that do that for you.
posted by whalebreath at 11:28 PM on December 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
Medication has it's problems but saved my life. Don't deny yourself things that do that for you.
posted by whalebreath at 11:28 PM on December 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
I agree with getting the Vitamin D levels checked-- also thyroid and B12 levels also. Just in case.
And just so you know... medication is not the easy way out for depression 'cause it doesn't work for many, many people. If you want to explore this option, go for it but without too many expectations. Exercise is more effective, in my own experience.
posted by devymetal at 11:32 PM on December 4, 2011
And just so you know... medication is not the easy way out for depression 'cause it doesn't work for many, many people. If you want to explore this option, go for it but without too many expectations. Exercise is more effective, in my own experience.
posted by devymetal at 11:32 PM on December 4, 2011
The funny thing about depression is it makes up all these stories to STOP you getting help. It's a part of it. It tells you not to talk to your loved ones because you'll burden them, or not to go to the doctor because the doctor will think you're a sook. It tells you you're lazy, and that there's nothing really wrong with you.
Depression lies. This is your first line of defense, knowing that depression makes stories in your brain that are not true. It's a symptom, not a cause, these things it says.
Accept that they are lies, and go get help. Depression is so hard to fight, it's fine to pick up the biggest weapon you can to hit it with, and if that includes medication, so be it.
(I'm currently on medication for depression and struggling, I'm sleeping 16 hours out of 24, and damn it, I'm going to get better again. I will. There will be better days).
posted by b33j at 11:49 PM on December 4, 2011 [12 favorites]
Depression lies. This is your first line of defense, knowing that depression makes stories in your brain that are not true. It's a symptom, not a cause, these things it says.
Accept that they are lies, and go get help. Depression is so hard to fight, it's fine to pick up the biggest weapon you can to hit it with, and if that includes medication, so be it.
(I'm currently on medication for depression and struggling, I'm sleeping 16 hours out of 24, and damn it, I'm going to get better again. I will. There will be better days).
posted by b33j at 11:49 PM on December 4, 2011 [12 favorites]
I understand that mental block. We tell ourselves a story that we are supposed to be in control of our emotions and our minds. Simultaneously, there is a narrative that depression isn't a real medical condition, it's not a real illness. You should be able to just tough it up and fucking deal.
The thing is, that isn't right. If you could just tell yourself to be OK, you would. You're not okay and you're spiraling, and this completely undermines those ideas that you don't or shouldn't need help.
I don't know how much help medicine will be (hopefully a lot), but you certainly should not resist it.
posted by J. Wilson at 12:03 AM on December 5, 2011 [1 favorite]
The thing is, that isn't right. If you could just tell yourself to be OK, you would. You're not okay and you're spiraling, and this completely undermines those ideas that you don't or shouldn't need help.
I don't know how much help medicine will be (hopefully a lot), but you certainly should not resist it.
posted by J. Wilson at 12:03 AM on December 5, 2011 [1 favorite]
I keep thinking going on medication might be a good idea - might give me the energy to get everything together, but I have this weird mental block about taking "the easy way out."
I remember that one! I also liked "My depression is the source of my special individuality. My tortured soul is the only thing that makes me interesting."
My favorite however was: "Nothing this fucked up happens without a reason. If I am suffering it is because it is my destiny."
There's a few more (as I'm sure you know) but let me just say that depression stole TEN FUCKING YEARS of my life while simultaneously fueling such sophistry.
Stop screwing around and got tackle it with everything you've got, and do it right now. Depression is not a pushover but it is eminently beatable with the right tools.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 1:05 AM on December 5, 2011 [6 favorites]
I remember that one! I also liked "My depression is the source of my special individuality. My tortured soul is the only thing that makes me interesting."
My favorite however was: "Nothing this fucked up happens without a reason. If I am suffering it is because it is my destiny."
There's a few more (as I'm sure you know) but let me just say that depression stole TEN FUCKING YEARS of my life while simultaneously fueling such sophistry.
Stop screwing around and got tackle it with everything you've got, and do it right now. Depression is not a pushover but it is eminently beatable with the right tools.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 1:05 AM on December 5, 2011 [6 favorites]
Medication has been shown to be much more effective when combined with therapy - so its great that you are thinking about both at the same time. As a data point, I resisted medication for a long time until my doctor bashed me over the head and told me something similar to what Madamina said about heart medication and I realized that my doctor was right. It took awhile to find the right dosage and right medication (keep at it if things don't feel right!) but once we got that sorted, it was night and day for me. It is still a battle to get through the day some of the time, but I can think and feel enough now to be able to recognize when my brain is being self destructive and try and act on that (excerise, mindfullness, yoga, etc...basically getting out of my brain and into something else).
All I know is that nothing it worthwhile and I'm only barely able to make it into work much less feed myself, clean my apartment, and keep things in order
I'm struggling with this right now too and I find the thing that's helped the most is to focus one thing at a time. This month, I decided on focusing on feeding myself lots of yummy and healthy things with new recipes and experimenting with food. This started after a suggestion from a friend that food can be a source of healing. Right now, forget everything else or get help. Focus on doing what you need to get through the day with minimal damage, and taking care of yourself the best you can. Some days in the past month, a successful day for me was getting out of bed, having a shower and making soup from scratch. And that's ok. If you could afford to have someone come in the next while to help you clean, I would highly recommend it. It will take one more burden off of your already heavy load.
Best of luck to you, feel free to memail me if you want someone to talk to.
posted by snowysoul at 3:29 AM on December 5, 2011 [1 favorite]
All I know is that nothing it worthwhile and I'm only barely able to make it into work much less feed myself, clean my apartment, and keep things in order
I'm struggling with this right now too and I find the thing that's helped the most is to focus one thing at a time. This month, I decided on focusing on feeding myself lots of yummy and healthy things with new recipes and experimenting with food. This started after a suggestion from a friend that food can be a source of healing. Right now, forget everything else or get help. Focus on doing what you need to get through the day with minimal damage, and taking care of yourself the best you can. Some days in the past month, a successful day for me was getting out of bed, having a shower and making soup from scratch. And that's ok. If you could afford to have someone come in the next while to help you clean, I would highly recommend it. It will take one more burden off of your already heavy load.
Best of luck to you, feel free to memail me if you want someone to talk to.
posted by snowysoul at 3:29 AM on December 5, 2011 [1 favorite]
Read "Shoot the Damn Dog" by Sally Brampton- its superb! What worked for me? I made a list of things I had to do everyday- go for a walk or a job (only 20 min), eat 3 meals and 3 snacks, read something easy, talk to one friend a day, send a couple of e-mails, watch a show, stretch/yoga, take vitamins, take a bath, put on make-up, listen to music, do a word search.... That routine has helped me a lot, sometimes I have a bad day and go straight back to the routine.
posted by misspony at 3:44 AM on December 5, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by misspony at 3:44 AM on December 5, 2011 [2 favorites]
I was you. Two years ago I tumbled in to a major depressive episode. Stopped eating, stopped being around people because I was "bothering them", spent most of my days feeling utterly miserable and not telling anyone about it because I didn't want to be a nuisance, I stopped going to the gym, etc. I also convinced myself that I wasn't depressed, that I was just being weak and melodramatic and that I could snap out of it if I just grew up and acted like an adult. Obviously I didn't need medication since I was just being a sook and medication was for people with real problems. I didn't deserve/warrant it.
FINALLY I did go to my doctor and got on some medication (Paxil and later changed to Welbutrin). It took a couple weeks to kick in but sweet jesus, I felt like I was breathing for the first time in months. I still had real issues that I had to deal with, and I still had problems that needed sorting out, but I was finally able to see them clearly and rationally and I could address them in a productive manner rather than feeling suffocated by them. I also was able to muster the will to start back up at the gym and that made a huge difference too. Exercising and using my body and getting my blood flowing helps keep my mood stable and normal.
Depression is a brutal disease but you CAN fight it. Medication definitely is not the easy way out, it is the smart thing to do for a whole lot of people. It allows you to get your baring, take a few emotional deep breaths, and finally be able to look at things clearly enough to heal yourself. If you're drowing it is okay to put on a life jacket. Talk to your doctor and see what they suggest.
posted by gwenlister at 3:44 AM on December 5, 2011 [2 favorites]
FINALLY I did go to my doctor and got on some medication (Paxil and later changed to Welbutrin). It took a couple weeks to kick in but sweet jesus, I felt like I was breathing for the first time in months. I still had real issues that I had to deal with, and I still had problems that needed sorting out, but I was finally able to see them clearly and rationally and I could address them in a productive manner rather than feeling suffocated by them. I also was able to muster the will to start back up at the gym and that made a huge difference too. Exercising and using my body and getting my blood flowing helps keep my mood stable and normal.
Depression is a brutal disease but you CAN fight it. Medication definitely is not the easy way out, it is the smart thing to do for a whole lot of people. It allows you to get your baring, take a few emotional deep breaths, and finally be able to look at things clearly enough to heal yourself. If you're drowing it is okay to put on a life jacket. Talk to your doctor and see what they suggest.
posted by gwenlister at 3:44 AM on December 5, 2011 [2 favorites]
Regarding medication being "the easy way out": first, as others have said, for many people it's not actually that easy. But more importantly: if it is easy for you, so what? That means it works. It's a real way out, and a healthy way out.
When people disparage "the easy way out," they're talking about things that are usually damaging and often not actually a way out. Things like trying to drink away your depression, or being so mean to your girlfriend that she dumps you because you're too scared to dump her, or eating a bunch of processed diet junk food instead of learning how to prepare fresh produce. But there are a lot of legitimate ways out of trouble that are easy, and no one ever takes us to task for those. If you had a sinus infection, would you leave it up to your immune system because antibiotics were "the easy way out?" If you were in debt and suddenly inherited thousands of dollars, would you refuse to pay your debt with the windfall because it was "the easy way out?" If your car was in the shop, would you walk everywhere because getting a ride or calling a cab was "the easy way out?" Nope.
When we have real problems, the best solution isn't the most challenging or noble one, it's the one that works. Depression is real. It's not a case of "suck it up, buttercup." Sometimes getting through it is terribly hard work, but it's not the difficulty of that work that makes it effective.
Antidepressants helped me immensely. They weren't the complete solution, but they made it possible for everything else to work. They aren't happy-zombie pills and they won't make you less you; they just peel that sticky heavy film off the world and cross out the "because I suck" clauses from your mental narrative. You are allowed to take advantage of them, and you are allowed to feel better.
It will not always be shit. It does get better. It will. If your therapist suggests something that might help it get better, take her at her word and give it an honest try.
posted by Metroid Baby at 4:31 AM on December 5, 2011 [5 favorites]
When people disparage "the easy way out," they're talking about things that are usually damaging and often not actually a way out. Things like trying to drink away your depression, or being so mean to your girlfriend that she dumps you because you're too scared to dump her, or eating a bunch of processed diet junk food instead of learning how to prepare fresh produce. But there are a lot of legitimate ways out of trouble that are easy, and no one ever takes us to task for those. If you had a sinus infection, would you leave it up to your immune system because antibiotics were "the easy way out?" If you were in debt and suddenly inherited thousands of dollars, would you refuse to pay your debt with the windfall because it was "the easy way out?" If your car was in the shop, would you walk everywhere because getting a ride or calling a cab was "the easy way out?" Nope.
When we have real problems, the best solution isn't the most challenging or noble one, it's the one that works. Depression is real. It's not a case of "suck it up, buttercup." Sometimes getting through it is terribly hard work, but it's not the difficulty of that work that makes it effective.
Antidepressants helped me immensely. They weren't the complete solution, but they made it possible for everything else to work. They aren't happy-zombie pills and they won't make you less you; they just peel that sticky heavy film off the world and cross out the "because I suck" clauses from your mental narrative. You are allowed to take advantage of them, and you are allowed to feel better.
It will not always be shit. It does get better. It will. If your therapist suggests something that might help it get better, take her at her word and give it an honest try.
posted by Metroid Baby at 4:31 AM on December 5, 2011 [5 favorites]
Good for you starting therapy -- that's a big hurdle right there, maybe the biggest. I hope you'll talk to your new therapist about medication and consider her professional advice with an open mind.
Other things that have helped me (listed from cheap and easy to more expensive and time consuming):
1. Getting outside in the daylight, at least briefly, every day. It's ideal to go somewhere that's quiet and has greenery, but even walking around city streets for twenty minutes during my lunch break makes a significant difference in my mood.
2. Vitamin D supplementation. To be honest, I didn't even bother getting my levels checked first. I have a desk job and slather myself with sunscreen, so I assumed my levels were low and ordered this from Amazon. It's awesome. It took about three weeks for me to notice a difference, but I feel that it's really helped stabilize my mood.
3. Getting good sleep. Depression -- especially if it has an anxiety component, which it sounds like yours does -- can truly screw with your sleep, and that screws with everything else. Personally, I don't like to take either prescription or over-the-counter medications designed specifically for sleep, but I will take half a Benadryl on the occasional nights when I'm feeling especially keyed up, and that helps. I also use sleep hypnosis recordings every night. I'm kind of embarrassed to admit it, but my favorite recording is this one , which I got from my mother-in-law. It's incredibly New Age-y and the sound effects are way overdone, but somehow it works a little better for me than the more clinical recordings I chose for myself.
4. Light therapy. My depression has a strong seasonal affective disorder component, so I use a light box religiously at this time of year. I bought mine from here, but there are plenty of options to choose from. Your therapist may have recommendations as well.
5. Getting regular exercise. It requires time and often money, but the payoff is immense. If you're feeling truly immobilized right now, just start with a brief daily walk and work your way up to whatever you prefer as you start to feel better.
Best of luck to you. This can and will get better.
posted by timeo danaos at 4:54 AM on December 5, 2011
Other things that have helped me (listed from cheap and easy to more expensive and time consuming):
1. Getting outside in the daylight, at least briefly, every day. It's ideal to go somewhere that's quiet and has greenery, but even walking around city streets for twenty minutes during my lunch break makes a significant difference in my mood.
2. Vitamin D supplementation. To be honest, I didn't even bother getting my levels checked first. I have a desk job and slather myself with sunscreen, so I assumed my levels were low and ordered this from Amazon. It's awesome. It took about three weeks for me to notice a difference, but I feel that it's really helped stabilize my mood.
3. Getting good sleep. Depression -- especially if it has an anxiety component, which it sounds like yours does -- can truly screw with your sleep, and that screws with everything else. Personally, I don't like to take either prescription or over-the-counter medications designed specifically for sleep, but I will take half a Benadryl on the occasional nights when I'm feeling especially keyed up, and that helps. I also use sleep hypnosis recordings every night. I'm kind of embarrassed to admit it, but my favorite recording is this one , which I got from my mother-in-law. It's incredibly New Age-y and the sound effects are way overdone, but somehow it works a little better for me than the more clinical recordings I chose for myself.
4. Light therapy. My depression has a strong seasonal affective disorder component, so I use a light box religiously at this time of year. I bought mine from here, but there are plenty of options to choose from. Your therapist may have recommendations as well.
5. Getting regular exercise. It requires time and often money, but the payoff is immense. If you're feeling truly immobilized right now, just start with a brief daily walk and work your way up to whatever you prefer as you start to feel better.
Best of luck to you. This can and will get better.
posted by timeo danaos at 4:54 AM on December 5, 2011
It does get better. It sounds like the therapist's diagnostic hit you hard, probably because of all the work you've already done to get out of depression. The good news is that, as with many things, it gets easier with repetition.
We all know depression often results / is linked to a neurological chemical imbalance. But recent studies have demonstrated that long-standing negative thought processes can cause these chemical imbalances. In other words, anxious thoughts can lead to depression.
So when your therapist opposes depression and anxiety, I have to wonder what she believes is at the root of the depression? In a weird way, it sounds to me like you were telling her something important about yourself : you think you could improve your quality of life by tackling your anxiety. And while, right now, you might be struggling with depression, it makes perfect sense to me that tackling the anxious thoughts will help you challenge the depression.
Note: it sounds like the therapist wanted to make sure she had a full grasp of the situation - and she hit on something important. I just think you are also onto something about the anxiety.
I have this weird mental block about taking "the easy way out."
What's wrong with making your life easier? And I'm not just talking about the medication... I'm talking about all aspects of your life. I grew up in a family that really valued hard work and condemned ever taking the easy way out. That serves me right sometimes. Most times, it leads to unnecessary emotional pain.
But years ago, a dear friend of mine who was then my boss, helped me realize that there is more power in making your life easier (as long as it is in healthy and ethical ways) than in always trying to do everything the hard way. She taught me to always pay attention to my strengths and that growth would evolve from there. I also learned to ask for help. Taking medication could help you focus your energy on things that bring you comfort.
posted by Milau at 5:15 AM on December 5, 2011 [1 favorite]
We all know depression often results / is linked to a neurological chemical imbalance. But recent studies have demonstrated that long-standing negative thought processes can cause these chemical imbalances. In other words, anxious thoughts can lead to depression.
So when your therapist opposes depression and anxiety, I have to wonder what she believes is at the root of the depression? In a weird way, it sounds to me like you were telling her something important about yourself : you think you could improve your quality of life by tackling your anxiety. And while, right now, you might be struggling with depression, it makes perfect sense to me that tackling the anxious thoughts will help you challenge the depression.
Note: it sounds like the therapist wanted to make sure she had a full grasp of the situation - and she hit on something important. I just think you are also onto something about the anxiety.
I have this weird mental block about taking "the easy way out."
What's wrong with making your life easier? And I'm not just talking about the medication... I'm talking about all aspects of your life. I grew up in a family that really valued hard work and condemned ever taking the easy way out. That serves me right sometimes. Most times, it leads to unnecessary emotional pain.
But years ago, a dear friend of mine who was then my boss, helped me realize that there is more power in making your life easier (as long as it is in healthy and ethical ways) than in always trying to do everything the hard way. She taught me to always pay attention to my strengths and that growth would evolve from there. I also learned to ask for help. Taking medication could help you focus your energy on things that bring you comfort.
posted by Milau at 5:15 AM on December 5, 2011 [1 favorite]
You and me? We are in a burning building. On the 10th floor. All the stairwell exists are blocked with smoke pouring up out of them.
There's a firefighter on a ladder outside the window screaming at us to come out through the window.
And yet? We've been conditioned to believe that we need to be heroes. If we're going to take the ladder we have to have a damn good excuse, like we're carrying adorable twins and a puppy. But even more salient than the social pressure not to talk about depression (uh- really guy? Why would you call 911 for a weeny little fire? Don't you know there's folks with real problems out there? Folks who are in car accidents! With cancer! This is is just a fire! Wait a few hours, maybe it'll just die down! You've heard some version of that from a tv show or a coworker or a family member. If not directed right at you, it's still replaying in the imaginary earphones of your brain.) is the voice of the disease. "you suck. You fucked that up. You're the reason this building is burning down anyway. You deserve this. Oh sure, that would be a great idea if someone else had it. But you are stupid. None of your ideas are good. Ever. Fighting with me wore you out, huh? Take a nap." depression is a talkative son of a bitch. and convincing.
So anyway. I'm slaughtering this metaphor and I apologize for that. But I'm here, with you. In this same building. We can't usually see each other because this smoke is so damn thick.
My most recent medication change did not work. I'm still spending about 3 hours a day sobbing. Leaning out a window for fresh air. Clawing at the chunks of twisted metal in the stairwell. Hoping the flames don't make it up to this floor before I'm able to really get on that ladder and have it not be stuck. We're going to try another medication.
Eventually you will try one too. And that first one may not work. But you'll keep talking to your therapist, ratting on the lying depression and doing one or three or five things a day. We'll both keep moving forward. And at the other end of this we'll smile at something. And that smile won't be followed by the terrified flash of certainty that we're about to be clobbered for considering having a good life.
Now. Which window is that ladder propped up in? I'll walk over there with you. Whether we can find a puppy up here or not. yes, I'm crying. I've been crying all morning. Thank you all do much for being here. Thank you for being a place where people, anon and otherwise, can ask these questions. And ramble on about this in belabored metaphor.
posted by bilabial at 6:02 AM on December 5, 2011 [14 favorites]
There's a firefighter on a ladder outside the window screaming at us to come out through the window.
And yet? We've been conditioned to believe that we need to be heroes. If we're going to take the ladder we have to have a damn good excuse, like we're carrying adorable twins and a puppy. But even more salient than the social pressure not to talk about depression (uh- really guy? Why would you call 911 for a weeny little fire? Don't you know there's folks with real problems out there? Folks who are in car accidents! With cancer! This is is just a fire! Wait a few hours, maybe it'll just die down! You've heard some version of that from a tv show or a coworker or a family member. If not directed right at you, it's still replaying in the imaginary earphones of your brain.) is the voice of the disease. "you suck. You fucked that up. You're the reason this building is burning down anyway. You deserve this. Oh sure, that would be a great idea if someone else had it. But you are stupid. None of your ideas are good. Ever. Fighting with me wore you out, huh? Take a nap." depression is a talkative son of a bitch. and convincing.
So anyway. I'm slaughtering this metaphor and I apologize for that. But I'm here, with you. In this same building. We can't usually see each other because this smoke is so damn thick.
My most recent medication change did not work. I'm still spending about 3 hours a day sobbing. Leaning out a window for fresh air. Clawing at the chunks of twisted metal in the stairwell. Hoping the flames don't make it up to this floor before I'm able to really get on that ladder and have it not be stuck. We're going to try another medication.
Eventually you will try one too. And that first one may not work. But you'll keep talking to your therapist, ratting on the lying depression and doing one or three or five things a day. We'll both keep moving forward. And at the other end of this we'll smile at something. And that smile won't be followed by the terrified flash of certainty that we're about to be clobbered for considering having a good life.
Now. Which window is that ladder propped up in? I'll walk over there with you. Whether we can find a puppy up here or not. yes, I'm crying. I've been crying all morning. Thank you all do much for being here. Thank you for being a place where people, anon and otherwise, can ask these questions. And ramble on about this in belabored metaphor.
posted by bilabial at 6:02 AM on December 5, 2011 [14 favorites]
Nthing that taking medication is not taking the easy way out. The combination of medication and therapy helped me through my depression immensely. I don't think I would have been successful had I not gone to a psychiatrist as well as a therapist, had I not taken the Celexa (later Wellbutrin, which was much better for me personally) as prescribed. It was still a lot of work, but the medication allowed me to get that work done. There were set backs, like with everything, and it was easy to feel defeated but each day it got a tiny bit better.
I've been off of meds for probably 2-3 years after taking them for 1-2 years. I still have some seasonal blues, but the big bad depression is gone and I can beat back the blues fairly well. Don't give your depression more of your life than it has already taken. You can get through this.
posted by radioaction at 6:57 AM on December 5, 2011
I've been off of meds for probably 2-3 years after taking them for 1-2 years. I still have some seasonal blues, but the big bad depression is gone and I can beat back the blues fairly well. Don't give your depression more of your life than it has already taken. You can get through this.
posted by radioaction at 6:57 AM on December 5, 2011
Medication fixes broken brain chemistry. It's not a cop out any more than chemo is a crutch for cancer.
posted by DarlingBri at 7:14 AM on December 5, 2011 [7 favorites]
posted by DarlingBri at 7:14 AM on December 5, 2011 [7 favorites]
I suffered from major depression for around five years until about a year and a half ago. I thought it was gone.
You've got plenty of good advice upthread, but I want to address this part. I find that thinking you're done being depressed makes you feel extra shitty if you relapse and that's not helpful. Here's how I try to get around that:
I've been on meds for a few years. They work! Yay! My ups and downs are manageable and more or less normal. Depression gone? Well, no, not exactly. Depression is a sneaky bastard and can worm its way back into your brain in ways you can't see coming -- your genes and your body and your environment might all be giving it inroads. I prefer to think of myself as a person who's had depression, not A Depressive but also not A Former Depressive. I fought the sneaky bastard and, for now, I've won; it doesn't get to fuck up my life and it doesn't get to define me. But more importantly, having had depression means I can recognize the bastard if and when it comes back. Because it does: see "sneaky bastard." If I get major depression again, that's not a character failing; it's a health problem, the kind that can happen to otherwise healthy people.
posted by clavicle at 7:41 AM on December 5, 2011 [3 favorites]
You've got plenty of good advice upthread, but I want to address this part. I find that thinking you're done being depressed makes you feel extra shitty if you relapse and that's not helpful. Here's how I try to get around that:
I've been on meds for a few years. They work! Yay! My ups and downs are manageable and more or less normal. Depression gone? Well, no, not exactly. Depression is a sneaky bastard and can worm its way back into your brain in ways you can't see coming -- your genes and your body and your environment might all be giving it inroads. I prefer to think of myself as a person who's had depression, not A Depressive but also not A Former Depressive. I fought the sneaky bastard and, for now, I've won; it doesn't get to fuck up my life and it doesn't get to define me. But more importantly, having had depression means I can recognize the bastard if and when it comes back. Because it does: see "sneaky bastard." If I get major depression again, that's not a character failing; it's a health problem, the kind that can happen to otherwise healthy people.
posted by clavicle at 7:41 AM on December 5, 2011 [3 favorites]
You can do it, and it's going to get better. There's a lot of hope just in knowing that you are recognizing that something isn't working right, acknowledging that, and taking the steps to get help.
And know that a setback does *not* invalidate the progress you've made, and it doesn't mean that you won't get back to feeling better.
I'd make the analogy of a life preserver - it's not really the easy way out to grab it instead of swimming all by yourself. No one would expect you to do anything other than use whatever resources you can.
posted by mrs. taters at 9:03 AM on December 5, 2011
And know that a setback does *not* invalidate the progress you've made, and it doesn't mean that you won't get back to feeling better.
I'd make the analogy of a life preserver - it's not really the easy way out to grab it instead of swimming all by yourself. No one would expect you to do anything other than use whatever resources you can.
posted by mrs. taters at 9:03 AM on December 5, 2011
Your depression is lying to you like an addict who swears that he can quit any time he wants. Your depression is *desperate* to stay around.
I started Prozac in march of 2001, when I realized that loads and loads of therapy had helped me incredibly but I was still spending 3+ hours a day trying not to burst into tears. I had all those same feelings, those cheater feelings, those "this will destroy my creativity" feelings, all of them.
After I'd been on the medication for about a week, I was driving down the street and I suddenly felt just. . . euphoric. Like the feeling you get when you're first falling in love, and you think about the other person, except I wasn't thinking about anyone else. I was just by myself, and happy. The black stone in my chest was just. . . gone. I could think about things and do things without wincing or having to stuff bad feelings back into the pit of my stomach, without being afraid or ashamed. I wasn't some drugged out zombie either. When my boyfriend's sister was diagnosed with brain cancer in may, and after 9/11, I realized that I could still be miserable and anxious and afraid, but, like, the way NORMAL people are miserable and anxious and afraid --in reaction to a specific thing, not like an allergic reaction to the whole universe.
I was lucky; I responded well to a low dose of the first medication they tried me on. (Both my parents were on it, so I figured it was a good place to start.) You might have to do more of a dance to find a med schedule that works for you. But honestly, if you do find something that works, it's amazing. It's like the sun coming out and burning off the fog.
posted by KathrynT at 9:58 AM on December 5, 2011 [1 favorite]
I started Prozac in march of 2001, when I realized that loads and loads of therapy had helped me incredibly but I was still spending 3+ hours a day trying not to burst into tears. I had all those same feelings, those cheater feelings, those "this will destroy my creativity" feelings, all of them.
After I'd been on the medication for about a week, I was driving down the street and I suddenly felt just. . . euphoric. Like the feeling you get when you're first falling in love, and you think about the other person, except I wasn't thinking about anyone else. I was just by myself, and happy. The black stone in my chest was just. . . gone. I could think about things and do things without wincing or having to stuff bad feelings back into the pit of my stomach, without being afraid or ashamed. I wasn't some drugged out zombie either. When my boyfriend's sister was diagnosed with brain cancer in may, and after 9/11, I realized that I could still be miserable and anxious and afraid, but, like, the way NORMAL people are miserable and anxious and afraid --in reaction to a specific thing, not like an allergic reaction to the whole universe.
I was lucky; I responded well to a low dose of the first medication they tried me on. (Both my parents were on it, so I figured it was a good place to start.) You might have to do more of a dance to find a med schedule that works for you. But honestly, if you do find something that works, it's amazing. It's like the sun coming out and burning off the fog.
posted by KathrynT at 9:58 AM on December 5, 2011 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thanks everyone. Going to therapy in the morning and I'll ask her about medication.
I've already ordered some Vitamin D supplements, and want to get some full spectrum light bulbs as well in case this is a more seasonal thing.
I was in a pretty bad place last night, I feel a bit better now but damn, darkness at 5pm is just a terrible thing.
posted by krakenattack at 3:16 PM on December 5, 2011
I've already ordered some Vitamin D supplements, and want to get some full spectrum light bulbs as well in case this is a more seasonal thing.
I was in a pretty bad place last night, I feel a bit better now but damn, darkness at 5pm is just a terrible thing.
posted by krakenattack at 3:16 PM on December 5, 2011
I'm very late to this, but if you're looking for straight up hope, that's what this AskMe is all about.
posted by moira at 11:48 PM on December 14, 2011
posted by moira at 11:48 PM on December 14, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by zadcat at 10:21 PM on December 4, 2011