Typical mid-20's crap.
November 27, 2011 9:14 PM Subscribe
I feel unbelievably shitty after a close friend hurt my feelings. I don't know what to do.
posted by anonymous to human relations (35 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
I'm a guy, friend is a girl. We've been friends for over a decade. We've slept together twice. The first time, a few months ago, she expressed wanting to just stay friends because she had just gotten out of a serious relationship. The second time, about 3 weeks ago - initiated completely by her - we did not discuss afterward because it ended very embarrassingly and neither of us wanted to talk about it. Both of these times were after a drunken night out.
Cut to a few nights ago. She invited me to a drunken night out. I stupidly set expectations that, with this recent development of hooking up on drunken nights out, and activities that took place only a few weeks ago, I had a shot.
She began heavily flirting with another person in our group who was unavailable (had a girlfriend). It became painful for me to watch after their flirting turned very physical. My jealousy boiled over and I pulled her aside and asked her "are you seriously doing this?" She told me to leave her alone. I told her then I'm going home, that she can do whatever she wants but I don't need to see this. She told me to calm down, that he has a girlfriend and I'm overreacting and need to stop worrying. I stayed out. She proceeded to go back to him, make out, went home with him, etc. Basically I was just in her way cock-blocking her.
It feels so awful and I'm not quite sure what to do. The only thing she technically did "wrong" I suppose was facilitate this guy cheating on his girlfriend. But every other bit of hurt that I feel seems to have been brought on by myself, by a lack of communicating to her how I really felt.
I guess I feel angry that by expressing my jealousy to her that night I was, essentially, letting her know my feelings (no matter how bad the timing) - and she lied to reassure me so she could continue what she was doing anyway. I also feel extremely rejected and unwanted that she was SO uninterested in going home with me that she'd rather go with a guy who was not even available. On top of that, I feel hurt by how callous she was about going about all of this right in front of me, even though one of the last times we saw each other was extremely intimate.
I just don't know what to do. How angry do I get to be? Part of me wants to just stop talking to her because I just can't face someone who made me hurt this much. Is it wrong to feel this way? How am I supposed to continue staying friends with someone who made me feel this hurt?