What do you call yourselves when you're not married but boyfriend and girlfriend seems off?
November 22, 2011 2:00 PM Subscribe
We're not married but what do I call what would be my in-laws?
posted by boobjob to Human Relations (51 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
So my SO and I mutually agree that marriage is not what we want. (We see no benefit from it, his company covers non-married couples straight or gay the same as married and the tax law in the US seems to provide no benefit to married, both working, childless couples.) We're together for the long term and I am very close to his family (his aunts introduce themselves as my aunt).
Here's the problem, I feel like society does not fully embrace relationships like ours and as a result I get into a bind when I try to explain things. For instance last night I saw a professor and he asked what I was doing for the holiday weekend. My answer was "I'm heading up north on a 9 hour drive with the in-laws, gonna be crazy" his answer "oh, did you get married over the summer?" Ugh, no.
I don't really want to explain myself and my values to everyone who asks what is going on in my personal life. When people ask when we are going to get married I think its rude to say I don't believe in marriage. I think my attitude towards marriage comes from my parents who got married just to get into a good apartment (but have been together for 35+ years). But unlike them I don't have the fiscal or practical pressure.
I have tried to refer to my SO's relatives as my significant sister or significant mother but people don't seem to get it. I honestly don't want to confuse people or have to explain our (I guess odd) relationship. What words do I use to escape this? Please tell me if this is a ridiculous sense of self-importance and that I am stupid to want to distinguish my relationship as serious compared to a fling. I have to say though that explaining that I am visiting my boyfriend's sister and her boyfriend and their kids is harder than saying in-laws, it also sounds sordid to me when it is really really not (they also are anti-marriage folks but she often has to refer to herself as his wife to get her point across).
p.s. I don't have a problem with introducing anyone to my SO as "hey this is my boyfriend" its the family that gets me confused.