As a gay woman, when is it okay to pursue a straight woman?
November 20, 2011 7:27 AM Subscribe
I am a gay female in my late 20s who has understood my own sexuality for as long as I can remember and has been out to all of my friends for many years. My orientation is certainly not anything I would consider a defining characteristic about myself. The kind of profession I am in, the kind of experiences I have had and my life goals have greatly shaped who I am as a person, and have absolutely nothing to do with who I am attracted to.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (42 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
For this and many other reasons, even in New York, finding someone who holds my interest past the second or third date has been challenging. Oddly, coincidentally, whatever-ally, I have fallen in like/love with some amazing women over the years. The problem? Minus one who was not all right for me, all of them are straight. My most recent case is a friend from the City who moved back home to Europe. We talk online daily and I recently had the chance to visit. Even if nothing were to ever materialize with her, it still got me thinking.
Gay rights have evolved considerably in the Western world in the past decade. I think this has been a large contributor to it becoming a mainstream idea to view a relationship – gay or straight – as just that, a relationship. Combined with an already semi-iconic idea of women finding their true love in a woman later in life (a perfect example is Bette and Tina from ‘The L Word’), I have begun to question my attractions to straight women.
My question is this: when is okay, or is every okay for a gay woman to pursue a woman who is straight? For those ‘straight’ women who are now with a woman or were ever with a woman, how were you approached? For those gay women now with (or were with) ‘straight’ women, how did you know when it was time to make a move, assuming you were the one who did make the move?
I by no means wish to imply I want to become a predatory person who only views their friends as potential hook ups. I am asking about true feelings beyond simple infatuation.
I understand women interact with other women differently than they do with men, but knowing the other woman may be interested sexually can change the level of comfort and intimacy for the worse. But as I get older, as I continue to fall for women whom society once said were off limits, I am more and more curious to know if and how this is changing. Maybe I have met my soul mate, but she doesn’t know it and neither do I!