How can I reduce visits from my parents?
November 19, 2011 1:59 PM Subscribe
I was overjoyed to move several hundred miles away from my parents. Recently, they've decided they want to spend more time with family, and as of this week they'll have driven to see us three times in a year with little to no notice. Is there any reasonably graceful way to discourage/reduce these visits?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (42 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
Until recently, in-person contact with them has mainly been on my terms, and calls were limited to holidays and birthdays. I haven't been willing to completely break contact, and this was a tolerable arrangement for me.
I'm finally recovering from last year's holiday-time debacle (including but not limited to their visit) and an extremely stressful few months. I'm in the midst of difficult work in therapy which is bringing up angry feelings towards them. Contact with them leaves me angry, stressed, muddled, and unbalanced.
We cannot afford to be traveling when they announce their visits. They will bend over backwards to be flexible to our schedules, and especially as a stay-at-home-mom I cannot say that our every daytime and evening moment is spoken for.
I'm not a believer in the blood-trumps-all faith. My father was abusive to me and my siblings, and while they've improved their behavior toward me and genuinely want to connect, they're still assholes with "we're so nice" veneers. They really are trying, but I just don't like them, and I feel I owe them very little.
(Any tips on how to cope with this week's pending visit are also very much welcome.)