Dealing with a Thanksgiving non-invite
November 16, 2011 6:39 PM Subscribe
I've been specifically not invited to Thanksgiving in my own home (by a housemate). How to respond?
posted by ungratefulninja to Human Relations (116 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
I live in a large house in Boston with 5 other people – my boyfriend and two couples. We're not a co-op, though we end up having dinner or a party all together once or twice a month. We've been living here for about a year, and as a group I'd say we generally fall somewhere between acquaintances and friends.
One couple is going to be away for Thanksgiving, and my boyfriend and I expect to be at home, but hadn't yet made a specific plan or invited anyone. Now another housemate ("Bob") has emailed to let us know that he and his partner are planning a small friends-and-family Thanksgiving dinner to which we are not invited. He also wrote that if this wouldn't work for us, he would consider trying to find an alternate location or a way to split use of the common areas between us.
I'm not happy with any of my options as I see them:
a. We tell Bob that we're planning to have dinner at home that night, and while we'd be happy to do a joint dinner, we'd prefer that he find an alternate venue if we're not invited.
b. We agree to share the space but have two separate dinners, perhaps staggered in time?
c. We either scare up an invitation to Thanksgiving elsewhere (we haven't yet been invited anywhere), or go out for dinner that night.
These all make me feel angry and either rude, left out, or pushed around. I guess I think of Thanksgiving in particular as a welcoming everyone's-invited type holiday and that makes it especially irksome that Bob chose to exclude us from his dinner. I'll just add that I'm not aware of any problem he might have with us; I thought we were on good terms.
I welcome your suggestions for how to rise above this and/or how to respond to Bob without inciting drama.