He is not sure about me or what he's doing with his life?
November 14, 2011 3:07 PM Subscribe
As everyone has already reminded me, I asked questions on here before about my bf. He admitted he is not in love with me but cares deeply for me? Still wants to be together?
posted by Chelsaroo650 to Human Relations (27 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
So everyone already knows my story and if you don't, well, you know where to find it... well I already attempted to break up with the guy and have even tried going on other dates but I still love this person as much as I hate to say it. We saw each other a few weeks ago and the day was fine and all but something had been eating at me because a few days before I had come over and he was angry at his mom; he's always angry at her. He revealed some more things I didn't know about his family; his mom had custody of him when he was little and she never cleaned the house, he grew up in filth, and to even take a shower he had to go to his father's military base because she couldn't afford the water bill. His dad was in Iraq for awhile as well... He said she was careless and inconsiderate. I admit that's really very sad. This person grew up as a child with nobody around and was an only child... well anyways he vented to me in the car that he was angry at her for not cleaning the house and making him remember what it was like when he was little to live with her when they got evicted. Then he casually said his dad was planning that he get his associate's degree and then maybe join the air force or army.
He was saying he was sick of our town and wanted to leave and that it was starting to sound better and better. I kind of realize now that he probably isn't serious about joining knowing the kind of commitment it would bring and besides that, he's overweight and such. I know this person has a lot going on and maybe he really doesn't want to give me his full attention because other things demand it more and he is somebody who doesn't want to talk or associate when he's upset, which has been often. Yet even though I know these things and know that I could have another relationship if I wanted, I still love this person somehow. Even with people telling me I'm "in love with a relationship" with having experienced some dates and opportunities... I still love him.
That night I brought up what we would do if he left and he didn't want to talk about it. He got upset with me but I got worried. He was saying we'd probably break up but mostly because he didn't want a dear john letter later on? He stressed the fact that he had not even acted on it. I said that it might be easier to handle the pressure of a military relationship with love there and that since he didn't say he did he must not love me. He said that it was true, he did not love me. So I proceeded to get upset and leave breaking it off. He previously told me he was not sure about me. I wondered why he could fall in love with the girl before me in a span of 3 months but surmised it was probably just infatuation. He still holds onto hurt from that girl who ran him around with other guys; he told me he had a dream about getting revenge on her, he had sexual messages saved from her for a whole six months into our relationship, I forgot to mention. He never brought her up until I wanted to know he says it still bothers him but he's "over her." So he posts a sad status on facebook and lets me change our relationship status first. Four days later, I'm getting messages saying "how are you doing?" and then "don't forget to vote today" another day and he goes out and gets drunk and tells me about it so I'd feel bad. He told me just because he isn't head over heels in love with me does not mean he doesn't care for me very strongly, that he said he loved me at first because he didn't want me to dump him.
What I don't understand is why he can be so unsure, not know anything, and then once I'm gone he can't leave me alone. "I miss you, I want to talk with you." The first time he'd said it in 3 months. What does this person want? I love him but I'm risking so much... and he's not figured himself out and him holding onto me isn't making it any easier for me.... why does he not want me to dump him? Am I just some friend with benefits and never really was a girlfriend?