My husband is calling "escorts" but I have no evidence he is meeting them and actually doubt he is. What do?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (87 answers total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
Me: 30's. Him: 10 years older.
First marriage for both. He is the BEST husband. He is loving, affectionate, considerate, respectful, clean, hardworking...I don't know how to quantify or qualify how wonderful my wifely experience has been.
Upon dating seriously, he immediately introduced me to his entire family and friends. He begged me to marry him (in a romantic, not pathetic way). We spend 99.9% of our free time together.
Caveat: Please understand that using "fat" in the perjorative is his terminology, not mine. I am reflecting his assesment of women to me, not mine. I hate that term.
We both work about 50 hrs/wk, across the street from each other. He can't leave his desk and asks me to drop by anytime (so I'm guessing he isn't leaving for lunchtime trysts) We have no kids and earn six figures each so have no inequalities or money stresses. We both are into fitness but not crazed We have not had sex in about a year because he thinks I am "too fat," but I am only about 10 lbs over my weight when we are dating (I was very skinny) and I do get hit on by other men all the time We have been married 3 years.
So, I went to the computer to look up miniature donkeys or some shit, which I always do. It was sleeping and I moved the mouse and it woke up....to a search for personal services in our local rag online. I'm like, WTF. It seriously took like 15 min to set in, and am am not stupid. I have a Ph.D., for fuck's sake, but apparently I am too dumb to choose a husband. So I decide to close it and confront, but carefully, ego-sparingly.
So I go to him and say the dreaded words, "We need to talk." He is so awesome that he immediately says, "Honey, anytime, I love you so much, what do you need?" I melt. Anyway, I ask if he has ever felt the need to go outside the marriage sexually (by the way, we are monogamous by explicit agreement). He is all, god no. So then I push, ask, suggest, tell him I'm okay as long as we talk about it, because honestly, I am. Oh, no, no.
So then I start to look at his phone occasionally. Let's not devolve into a snooping convo here, because fuck that, and also, he gives me his phone and asks me to answer it daily when he is running. I look at the numbers and google a couple. Bam. Some fucking escort site for a fat African-American woman. Nothing wrong with that, but I am married and hope he would not bang anyone else of any ethnicity. Also, she is huge and his reluctance is stated as my weight. The call was a couple of minutes long and she's saved as a contact (her name is something like "Fantasia"- I can't remember).
So I have no evidence of anything, no missing hours, and a coupla minute call. Okay, maybe the call gets him off?
Months pass, nothing happens.
Friday, he tells me he is going to run an errand. He gets back and I get a feeling. While he is outside, I look at his phone and google the number he called during the errand. It is an escort. She is fat. I sack up and call her. I am nice and say it isn't her fault, I'm not mad at her, but did my husband call her at noon? She claims she was sick all day. She offered to block all calls from this number (nice of her) but I told her it was my cell so it was irrelevant.
WHAT THE FUCK should I do? I tried being open and honest. I have no evidence he has actually DONE anything other than call. I do NOT give a shit about porn or even other stuff as long as we talk about it. I offered a 3some with my hot friend (who I know would). Help, please.