You're gone and that's it.
November 12, 2011 8:12 PM Subscribe
My estranged ex-husband committed suicide a month ago. I am unsure about whether I need grief counseling or not or how much good it's going to do me.
posted by asockpuppet to human relations (22 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
I was married from 1997-1999. The dating itself was awesome, but shortly after we married things turned hellish to the point where I had to remove myself from the situation. Time passed and we were at no contact, save for a 15 minute conversation and a card in 2008. In that card was just enough crazy that I felt at the time that no contact was the way to maintain things. I found out thirdhand a month ago that he had shot himself over a job loss. What's awful to me is that I was actually going to reach out to him next year because I thought enough time had passed that we could possibly have a civil conversation about the marriage and maybe continue on as acquaintances.
I did love him dearly when things were good. I mean it, however, no one from his family has contacted me about his death and I'm unsure as to whether to send a card or donate to the charity in his memory that they specified.
Suddenly I've found myself romanticizing our life in mid to late 90s and digging through mementos and wondering a lot of what if, what if I had maintained contact throughout, what if I had pursued a more in depth conversation 3 years ago? It's eating me up. I realize that no matter what I feel or do, he's still dead and I don't know what grief counseling will do other than assure me that it isn't my fault and it would have happened anyway.
There was a note. I got the copy of the police report and the note on my own digging, and it shed no light on anything.