How to properly thank a friend
November 12, 2011 4:10 PM Subscribe
How to thank someone?
I recently had several back surgeries after an accident at work. A really good friend/ex-girlfriend was there every step of the way. She sat with me at the hospital, took care of me after every surgery and helps/helped thru my physical therapy. She was the only one who was really there for me.
The last surgery really rattled her nerves. It was intense and I almost didn't make it thru recovery. She never left my side and still hasn't. I want to thank her somehow for being there when I needed someone.
I'm drawing a blank on how to properly thank her, just saying thank you doesn't seem good enough after everything she did for me. Please help me!!
I recently had several back surgeries after an accident at work. A really good friend/ex-girlfriend was there every step of the way. She sat with me at the hospital, took care of me after every surgery and helps/helped thru my physical therapy. She was the only one who was really there for me.
The last surgery really rattled her nerves. It was intense and I almost didn't make it thru recovery. She never left my side and still hasn't. I want to thank her somehow for being there when I needed someone.
I'm drawing a blank on how to properly thank her, just saying thank you doesn't seem good enough after everything she did for me. Please help me!!
What toekneebullard said and possibly a shit-ton of chocolate, liquor, or whatever her particular vice happens to be.
posted by imjustsaying at 4:17 PM on November 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by imjustsaying at 4:17 PM on November 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
Given that she's your ex. I'm sure you know which things are most special to her, do something related to that.
posted by brujita at 4:17 PM on November 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by brujita at 4:17 PM on November 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
Something that she would love and would never get herself? That is really just a small token to remind her that you are thankful, but couple that with a priceless gift of a letter telling her how much you appreciate what she has done for you and how her friendship and undying devotion as your friend has touched you.
posted by Yellow at 4:21 PM on November 12, 2011
posted by Yellow at 4:21 PM on November 12, 2011
Write her, dude. Write her exactly why. All the stuff she did, the little shit that mattered so much and that maybe she didn't think you noticed and some that even she doesn't quite remember anymore. As specific as possible. Make it into a list, if that helps. Maybe with dates --- you could grab a calender and go day by day if it helps you jog your memory. Each one doesn't have to be huge, in fact smaller the better: "No. 45. I had just got that call from the doctor and was feeling pretty down and you squeezed my hand and said you'd be coming by tomorrow."
Because what you really want to show her is that each of those small things mattered. I mean, give her the wine and the chocolate and whatever you'll know she'd like. But the thing we do so rarely is the simple one: I love you, I thank you, I was always be grateful, and I will always remember.
posted by Diablevert at 4:37 PM on November 12, 2011 [27 favorites]
Because what you really want to show her is that each of those small things mattered. I mean, give her the wine and the chocolate and whatever you'll know she'd like. But the thing we do so rarely is the simple one: I love you, I thank you, I was always be grateful, and I will always remember.
posted by Diablevert at 4:37 PM on November 12, 2011 [27 favorites]
Diablevert has it all the way. I actually got a tear in my eye just reading the comment.
posted by Sweetmag at 5:19 PM on November 12, 2011
posted by Sweetmag at 5:19 PM on November 12, 2011
All of the above is good advice, but if you can afford it, there are also material gifts which can really make a statement and can go some way towards making a person feel less drained. For instance, would she enjoy a spa day? Ideally for two so she can take a friend? If you can't afford that, maybe a gift certificate for a really nice massage (check yelp for reviews first?) Or if you are well off and she enjoys travel, a gift certificate to something like Travelocity so she can book herself a trip somewhere for R&R?
posted by fingersandtoes at 5:27 PM on November 12, 2011
posted by fingersandtoes at 5:27 PM on November 12, 2011
A hand-written letter and a token gift. I see I'm, like, the fourth person to suggest a letter... what you wrote here is a good starting point. After that the gift is very much a token. Wine, chocolates, whatever.
posted by Leon at 5:43 PM on November 12, 2011
posted by Leon at 5:43 PM on November 12, 2011
Response by poster: I want to do something special for her, she not only took care of me in the hospital but she had to make medical decisions for me when I couldn't. That was hard for her I know.
posted by roxiesmom at 6:02 PM on November 12, 2011
posted by roxiesmom at 6:02 PM on November 12, 2011
I'm a little unclear on the question here. Are you looking for suggestions specifically of nice things/services you might buy someone as a thank you gift? I mean, if it's just "how do I say thank you" then the letter is obviously the way to go. If it's "what "something special" should I get her, then you need to tell us a lot more about her before we can help you choose a gift.
You must know about her interests/pleasures--what are the kinds of things she likes?
One general category suggestion I can make (and, obviously, this depends on your budget): give a gift that recurs, like a theater subscription (even better if it's for her plus one), or a classical music subscription or a something-or-other-of-the-month. That way it's a gift that really does keep on giving. Obviously, though, that's only going to work if that's the kind of thing she's into.
posted by yoink at 6:22 PM on November 12, 2011
You must know about her interests/pleasures--what are the kinds of things she likes?
One general category suggestion I can make (and, obviously, this depends on your budget): give a gift that recurs, like a theater subscription (even better if it's for her plus one), or a classical music subscription or a something-or-other-of-the-month. That way it's a gift that really does keep on giving. Obviously, though, that's only going to work if that's the kind of thing she's into.
posted by yoink at 6:22 PM on November 12, 2011
Would she wear a piece of jewelry that's appropriate for your relationship? Like a bracelet with a secret engraving that's meaningful for both of you? Not showy necessarily, but something that she can always have.
posted by Ideefixe at 6:22 PM on November 12, 2011
posted by Ideefixe at 6:22 PM on November 12, 2011
It sounds to me that she has made the jump from friend to family during this ordeal. Particularly when you say that she made a medical decision for you - that's reserved for spouses and blood relations. I have a couple of friends for whom I would do the same, and I consider them my family. It is non-traditional but they do really know I mean it when I say things like"if you ever need a kidney, say the word."
I think the best gesture you could make to her would be to make clear that if she ever needs reciprocal help, you will do your best to provide; that you consider her to be kin, for lack of a more specific term. Not that you "owe" her, but that what she's done for you has placed her in the group of people for whom you will always care for and about as best you can. Non-judgmental, unconditional love is rare, and should be nurtured when opportunities for it arise.
posted by Mizu at 7:25 PM on November 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
I think the best gesture you could make to her would be to make clear that if she ever needs reciprocal help, you will do your best to provide; that you consider her to be kin, for lack of a more specific term. Not that you "owe" her, but that what she's done for you has placed her in the group of people for whom you will always care for and about as best you can. Non-judgmental, unconditional love is rare, and should be nurtured when opportunities for it arise.
posted by Mizu at 7:25 PM on November 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
You will never find a gift that is of equal value to the support you received. All you can do is thank her sincerely, loving the letter suggested by others, and a thoughtful gift of something she will enjoy. And be a good friend to her in the future of course.
But assuming you want to and are able to spend a bit of money on this, even though you can't put a price on the support you received, how about:
A weekend away to a location she has always wanted to visit?
An item of jewellery, or a piece of furniture of some kind or a piece of artwork she would be able to enjoy for years to come?
A subscription to something you know she values, that would give her lasting enjoyment? A series of vouchers for different activities she loves so she could have a bunch of things to do that would give her joy over the next weeks and months, now that she does no longer have to support you all the time?
posted by koahiatamadl at 5:30 AM on November 13, 2011
But assuming you want to and are able to spend a bit of money on this, even though you can't put a price on the support you received, how about:
A weekend away to a location she has always wanted to visit?
An item of jewellery, or a piece of furniture of some kind or a piece of artwork she would be able to enjoy for years to come?
A subscription to something you know she values, that would give her lasting enjoyment? A series of vouchers for different activities she loves so she could have a bunch of things to do that would give her joy over the next weeks and months, now that she does no longer have to support you all the time?
posted by koahiatamadl at 5:30 AM on November 13, 2011
Buy a burner cell phone. Write down the number. Put it in an envelope. Frame the envelope.
Keep the phone with you wherever you go. Keep it charged and working. Give the frame to your friend. Tell her what's inside and that as soon as the phone rings, you'll come running.
posted by rudhraigh at 6:06 AM on November 13, 2011
Keep the phone with you wherever you go. Keep it charged and working. Give the frame to your friend. Tell her what's inside and that as soon as the phone rings, you'll come running.
posted by rudhraigh at 6:06 AM on November 13, 2011
Get a really beautiful card, or make one. Write a letter of profuse, detailed thanks. Add a bottle wildly expensive wine, or a piece of jewelry, or some item that you know she's been wanting. And be an amazingly good friend back, both to her and others.
posted by theora55 at 10:20 AM on November 13, 2011
posted by theora55 at 10:20 AM on November 13, 2011
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I think the best thing you could do is be a good friend back. The time will come when she'll need you, and you just make sure you can be there for her.
posted by toekneebullard at 4:14 PM on November 12, 2011 [2 favorites]