Calling it quits.
November 8, 2011 9:25 AM Subscribe
My currently-ex-girlfriend is bipolar. She is only hard to be around some of the time, but often enough that I'm looking for a way out. Help me not make the stupid decision of getting back together once she's feeling better?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (16 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I know that I am not up to the challenge of living my own life and "managing" her mental illness at the same time. I believe our relationship is unhealthy, and should end. Her periods of relative stability only seem to make the inevitable breakdowns that much more painful for me, once they happen. I love her, and that will be true even if I decide we should not date, and that makes this terribly difficult. Tonight we had a pretty awful fight and broke up. She will probably be fine again in a few days, if not by tomorrow already, but I can't take this anymore. She has been medicated for a month or two now (Seroquel, Lamotrigine), but she continues to resist thinking of herself as mentally ill or disabled in any way. She has no personal hope of ever getting better, ever managing her moods, and her consistent pessimism is rubbing off on me. I want to support her and help her, but I feel powerless: I can't get inside her brain and make anything different. I feel like the healthiest thing I can do for myself is to break up with her, but it is so hard when sometimes things are perfect. I know I am not her doctor. But I am close to all she has in terms of support. I feel like I am abandoning her. I feel awful. How can I resist the temptation to get back together, when I care about her so strongly? How can I feel less selfishly responsible for the serious depression this will likely induce? What if she harms herself or engages in risky behavior? How can I cope with all this?