November 5, 2011 7:33 PM Subscribe
I am very upset with my husband for not taking the initiative with my birthday and need help coming to terms with both what he did and my response to it. Lots of special details inside.
posted by corn_bread to Grab Bag (83 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
Today is my birthday. I'm 31 and married 5 years. Here's what happened:
It started when I woke up this morning. I am one of those people that wakes up starving and eats breakfast right away. I could never skip the meal. So anyway, I woke up and found that my husband has not gotten any provisions for breakfast and so he needed to run to the grocery store to buy something while I sat here for an hour starving and waiting to eat. I should mention now that we only have one car (but live in the suburbs) and he had the car every single day of this week - which means I don't really have access to things until late at night when he gets home.
So I wake up and wait to eat. I am feeling really tired and shitty because I woke up with an excruciating migraine in the middle of the night that had me awake for hours.
After finally getting to eat - nothing special, just the standard thing we eat every day - I have to run off to German class and I take the car. After German I come home to find a gift bag on our kitchen counter. I open it to find some cheap crappy jewelry inside from Ten Thousand Villages (note: they sell some really nice stuff, and also some cheap crappy stuff - I got the cheap crappy stuff).
I find out, after taking a look at my husband all sweaty and exhausted, that he ended up having to walk 5 miles to the store to buy this shitty jewelry and he ended up texting my best friend to get a ride home. In summation: despite having the car all week and having plenty of time to plan a gift I might like, he left it until today and ended up having to walk to the store.
I came home from German starving, looking forward to a nice birthday lunch with him. Of course, there is still no food in the house nor any plans to obtain food. So we go to the store and buy a frozen pizza and eat that. At this point I am getting pretty upset about the situation.
I was chatting with one of my friends on gchat lamenting that husband made no attempt whatsoever to try to get something thoughtful or even to make sure there was some food in our house, and I ended up going on to the Ten Thousand Villages website to link her to a photo of the jewelry in question. This is when I found out that my husband spent a whopping $32 on my birthday and I got really quite upset.
For his birthday this past April, I got him a $100 gift cert to NewEgg, a geeky iPod accessory, a dress shirt and his favorite type of cake. I further organized an outing with friends that night and we went out for a nice meal beforehand.
So at this point I am lying around alone in my bedroom crying. I confronted him about the last minute-ness of the gift, the cheapness, the lack of any kind of thoughtfulness, etc. Instead of being apologetic, he decides to be the martyr: I WALKED 5 MILES ON YOUR BIRTHDAY SO YOU COULD HAVE A PRESENT type shit. Well congratulations, but you wouldn't have had to walk 5 miles to get me a present if you had just bought one yesterday when you had the car. Or get me a gift card to somewhere and have it delivered to my inbox. Or whatever.
I am really exhausted from all the crying and self-pity (Yes, and I don't care) and being awake all night with a migraine, etc. So I decide to take a 3 hour nap in the afternoon. He proceeds to watch TV during this time instead of trying to right the situation or work on the house or anything like that. The one thing he did do during the time was go out and buy stuff to make dinner, even though I really wanted to go out for dinner and he damn well knew it.
I woke up from my nap to find basically no remedy to the situation, and him still being an unapologetic jerk. I did find out that he made a last ditch effort to try to redeem himself by calling a bunch of my friends and asking them to come over for cake. Note that I have been sobbing in bed all day, am still in sweats, haven't showered at that point and really the last thing I want to do is have a bunch of people in my house last minute to celebrate a birthday that has so far sucked. So I told him to cancel this.
We were supposed to go out to a play tonight, but I was really not feeling it. I have spent the entire day and night basically feeling sorry for myself and crying in my bed, alone. He has spent the entire day and night basically watching TV and not fixing the situation, and arguing with and yelling at me when I complain.
Am I right to be angry? How do I get over it? Tell me anything to cheer me up? :\