Requesting advice from sensible people: how to navigate weird/awkward post-hook up situation
November 4, 2011 1:58 PM Subscribe
Seeking advice from sensible people: how to navigate weird/awkward post-hook up situation, with bonus unplanned pregnancy.
posted by anonymous to human relations (15 answers total)
I recently hooked up with a friend a couple of times. It was obvious it wasn't going to become a serious thing, and I was pretty happy (if a little awkward) hanging out as friends afterwards. I then found out I was pregnant and have since had an abortion (FWIW, we were using condoms; I've now switched to a more idiot-proof form of birth control). I didn't tell him about it, but I've been lucky to have had support from close friends and family. I feel comfortable about my choice, have been giving myself lots of time and rest, and I'm doing fine.
In the run-up to the abortion, I felt pretty antisocial and stressed. I was going to multiple doctor's appointments, feeling exhausted every day, and reading about (and eventually experiencing!) the side effects of misoprostol. I started to avoid the guy in question. When I did run into him I felt sad and awkward, and I once rather blatantly blanked him in the supermarket (boo!). It's now been about a month since we've spoken.
Since getting the abortion I've been feeling a lot better. Although I don't expect us to be best buds, I have enjoyed his company in the past, and we share a social circle. We'll both be at an event with some friends (none of whom, as far as I know, are aware of any of this) over the weekend, and I'd like it if we could be on friendly terms in the future. He started seeing someone else shortly after we hooked up, and I don't want him to think I want to be anything more than friends, because, err, I don't. I don't think it would be remiss to make some friendly/neutral overture to break the ice, though, and would like advice on how to do that. I've been telling not close friends/work people some version of the truth (e.g. "I've been having some health problems lately, but I'm doing fine") to explain not being quite myself lately, and would consider doing that with him.
Finally, I know it's stupid for me to be getting out of shape about this, and if it turns out the best way to feel okay in this situation is to cut my losses and make some new friends, I am happy to do that.