Is it normal to get cold feet this early?
November 3, 2011 8:07 PM Subscribe
My boyfriend and I are in our late 20's and we've been together for almost three years. We've talked a lot about marriage (both casually and seriously), and we've both been enthusiastic about it. I'm getting the feeling that he may propose soon, and suddenly I feel nervous about it. I think I'm just generally scared of making such a big life decision. I know it's normal for people to get pre-wedding jitters, but what about pre-engagement?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (14 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
If pressed, I would say the only sort-of issue we have is sex. We don't have sex very often for being a young, childless couple, maybe 3-4 times a month. I honestly don't want it more often and he doesn't seem to either. Sometimes I think that we “should” be having more sex, but it seems stupid to apply outside social pressure to something that works for us. We have good sex – not bad, not amazing. We talk about trying new or different things, but I think both of us are guilty of not taking the time or energy to implement them always. I am satisfied overall though. I think there are people out there who might be more sexually compatible with me, but it'd be hard to find someone as compatible with me otherwise.
I know people always say that you “just know” when you're with the person you want to marry. Probably 95% of the time with him, I feel like I just know. I often catch myself thinking, “I could seriously not be happier with another human”. The other 5% I get gripped with worries about “what if next year, 5 years, etc. I realize that I've made a terrible mistake?” But if I listen to that 5% I think I probably wouldn't ever marry anyone.
I am awesomely in love with him and still feel a lot of romantic spark. Our senses of humor, our general life goals and outlooks mesh really well. We've gone through some stressful life situations together (not relationship-related) where I feel like we came out more supportive and appreciative of each other. We've had fights and handled them well. We understand each other's flaws. It makes me really happy to think of having a life together. I genuinely want to do things for him, even crappy household chores, and he does the same for me. It's hard to imagine finding someone else more long-term compatible with me.
Should I keep waiting? I don't think I'll ever be 100% certain with anyone, so when do you decide that you're sure enough to go ahead? If we broke up and I met another guy, I feel like I'd just repeat the cycle of falling in love and wondering if I'm absolutely sure this time. I feel like if I told him I'm still unsure and we should hold off, I won't get any closer to “just knowing”. Did you feel a little terrified before you even got engaged? Did it still turn out well?