I always knew he looked at me a little too long...
October 19, 2011 3:22 PM Subscribe
Things got a little murky with a close, but taken, friend when we were drunk. How do I deal with this situation?
posted by anonymous to human relations (26 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I have a very good friend who I have known for many years. He lives with his girlfriend who I'm also friends with but nowhere as close. A few months ago we got quite drunk (not black out by any means, but you know that awesome drunk your just having a fantastic time) and the party drifts away and we end up alone at my house. He starts to give me a massage, him being a touchy person anyway and me being drunk doesn't think much of it. Until it starts to edge into inappropriate waters. I stop him before anything actually happens.
I do something like "whoa whoa danger Will Robinson you have a girlfriend." He apologizes and we start talking. A lot comes out. He's unhappy with the gf. Doesn't feel he can end it right now because she's unemployed and they live in his very nice house, on his salary, in our very expensive city. Even when she's employed he carried most of the financial load and this isn't the first she's lost a job, so she'd be in bad shape. He still cares about her, even though he clearly resents this and says he knows she not the one for him ultimately. He tells me he has always been really attracted to me, etc etc I tell him this can't happen. He asks me if he was single would I feel differently and I give him an evasive answer (I realize I should have just said no, but I was drunk and yeah I do have feelings for him, and after this they were stronger than I realized). We agree this can't happen. We aren't those kind of people. I cant remember the exact context of how he said this, but he basically asked me if I'd still be around in a year, basically implying he might be single by then. He apologizes a bunch and leaves.
We talk a few days later and decide to forget it ever happened because nothing actually happened and we were really drunk.
Life goes on as normal. We hang out with all our mutual friends, I keep some distance. Things finally start to feel normal again.
Then it happens again. We're drunk, end up hanging out alone, late. He starts giving me a massag and we end up cuddling for a couple hours. No real inappropriate touching, but definitely the sort of cuddling you do with your significant other, not your friend.
I don't stop it because well it felt really nice. I eventually sober up a little tell him we should stop. And tell him this can't keep happening. He goes home.
What do I do? I find myself developing feelings for him. I think if we continue down this road it won't just be cuddling for long. Despite this less than awesome picture of him he really is a good guy. He is very much part of my core group of friends. He's always been there for me. I'm not proud of any of this, but I guess it's the type of thing that you never thought that you were that kind of person until suddenly you are. I'm having trouble fighting wanting to be with him against doing the right thing and I'm not even sure what that is exactly (other than stopping with the massages gone wrong and not being alone when we've been drinking). How do I handle this?