What are some good dating/meeting sites for a gay guy who is just starting to date?
October 10, 2011 6:56 PM Subscribe
I live in NYC. I am in my mid 20s and just starting to date/come out of the closet and pretty inexperienced. It's a bit hard for me to meet people because I am shy and don't fare well in loud clubs, bars and parties. I've been thinking that maybe I should try the web. If anyone has any recommendations for me I'd appreciate it. Thanks.
My mid-20s gay brother lives in a non-NYC major metro area. He too has little dating experience but has had tremendous (tremendous!) success with Match.com. I was stunned; I thought the kids today were all on OKCupid or whatever the newer one is, but no, he's on square old Match and going out for coffee with guys a few times a week.
From my bro: The two keys are that you have to actually post stuff about yourself there (nobody is interested in a blank profile), and you have to follow up. Don't get into long email exchanges; actually meet up for coffee. Be brave.
Good luck to you.
posted by purpleclover at 7:16 PM on October 10, 2011
From my bro: The two keys are that you have to actually post stuff about yourself there (nobody is interested in a blank profile), and you have to follow up. Don't get into long email exchanges; actually meet up for coffee. Be brave.
Good luck to you.
posted by purpleclover at 7:16 PM on October 10, 2011
General internet dating tips from a straight woman:
1. if you're not getting the results you want, keep updating your profile.
2. Make sure you give people something to respond to by using specifics. A brief description of the last meal you cooked is a lot better than a list of the types of cuisines you like to cook.
3. Be persistent. Regularly email matches.
4. Be open-minded. Some of my best dates have been with guys I never expected to have chemistry with. Some of the worst have been with guys I was really excited about meeting.
5. Don't take it too personally when people drop in or out of contact. I've had men get angry with me and assume they were being blown off when I took a break from the site for a few days for a life event.
6. Ditto what purpleclover says. Meet for coffee or a drink early on. Things can get weird if the email phase lasts too long.
7. Know your deal-breakers and keep an eye out for them.
Good luck!
posted by bunderful at 7:53 PM on October 10, 2011
1. if you're not getting the results you want, keep updating your profile.
2. Make sure you give people something to respond to by using specifics. A brief description of the last meal you cooked is a lot better than a list of the types of cuisines you like to cook.
3. Be persistent. Regularly email matches.
4. Be open-minded. Some of my best dates have been with guys I never expected to have chemistry with. Some of the worst have been with guys I was really excited about meeting.
5. Don't take it too personally when people drop in or out of contact. I've had men get angry with me and assume they were being blown off when I took a break from the site for a few days for a life event.
6. Ditto what purpleclover says. Meet for coffee or a drink early on. Things can get weird if the email phase lasts too long.
7. Know your deal-breakers and keep an eye out for them.
Good luck!
posted by bunderful at 7:53 PM on October 10, 2011
OKCupid, a hundred times. One specific note about your profile essays: be super specific. When people are writing to you, if they're not total meatheads, they need something to latch onto. Your essays should be conversation starters.
Previous online dating workshop threads:
Homoflexible guy
Heteroflexible guy(me, and the advice was incredibly helpful)
Straight guy
and many, many more.
posted by modernserf at 9:12 PM on October 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
Previous online dating workshop threads:
Homoflexible guy
Heteroflexible guy(me, and the advice was incredibly helpful)
Straight guy
and many, many more.
posted by modernserf at 9:12 PM on October 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
clubs, bars, and parties really aren't the only places to meet people. pick some things you like doing. in nyc, chances are there's a gay social hobbyist club for that activity. go to it. if you like it, keep going back. if you don't like it, try anyway and see if you can't make some more friends, who will lead you to more activities and more friends. the web can definitely help you find some of these clubs.
note that i have used "club" to refer to two different things in that paragraph. one goes oontz oontz oontz. the other doesn't necessarily.
posted by entropone at 6:34 AM on October 11, 2011
note that i have used "club" to refer to two different things in that paragraph. one goes oontz oontz oontz. the other doesn't necessarily.
posted by entropone at 6:34 AM on October 11, 2011
If you're at all athletic or interested in becoming more athletic, consider one of the gay sports leagues. They're a nice mix of gays of all ages, outnesses, and backgrounds. I was involved with Big Apple Softball League (BASL) and Gotham Volleyball. Gotham was an org I joined early on after moving to NYC, and the connections I made there helped me make new friends, find jobs, find a significant other, etc. Joining Gotham was by far the best social decision I made in NYC.
Another great thing about the gay sports leagues is that they're a wonderful, low-pressure way to meet people. Gotham equipped me with a group of supportive, fun friends who helped draw me out of my shell and helped me to become more socially engaged in other areas in the gay community.
Gotham has 9 or 10 divisions presently... the top divisions play hardcore, high-level ball, and the lower divisions play at a beginner level. There really is a skill level for everyone. They just started their current season, so the next batch of tryouts won't be until January or February. If you're still interested, though, drop an email to someone on the exec board, and tell them I sent you --- it's possible they can get you involved in some open play sessions in the meantime.
(else, seconding brujita, definitely check out The Center)
posted by scwebd at 10:50 AM on October 11, 2011
Another great thing about the gay sports leagues is that they're a wonderful, low-pressure way to meet people. Gotham equipped me with a group of supportive, fun friends who helped draw me out of my shell and helped me to become more socially engaged in other areas in the gay community.
Gotham has 9 or 10 divisions presently... the top divisions play hardcore, high-level ball, and the lower divisions play at a beginner level. There really is a skill level for everyone. They just started their current season, so the next batch of tryouts won't be until January or February. If you're still interested, though, drop an email to someone on the exec board, and tell them I sent you --- it's possible they can get you involved in some open play sessions in the meantime.
(else, seconding brujita, definitely check out The Center)
posted by scwebd at 10:50 AM on October 11, 2011
try meetup.com. you can search for something that you're interested in plus "gay". So, gay photography, or gay arts and crafts. that way you can find people who are into what you are into, and as a plus, they might want to date you, too! however, you actually have to go to the meet ups to make this work.
good luck out there!
posted by thatgirld at 1:58 PM on October 11, 2011
good luck out there!
posted by thatgirld at 1:58 PM on October 11, 2011
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posted by smithsmith at 7:12 PM on October 10, 2011