Should I grant my girlfriend a "last hurrah" before settling down?
October 6, 2011 3:02 AM Subscribe
My long-distance girlfriend wants to have a "last hurrah" and make our relationship open just for a few months before I return to her city and we make a long-term commitment. Are we courting disaster?
posted by kramer1975 to human relations (65 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
So, I meet an amazing girl. We date for 7 months, and then I am offered an extremely attractive 1-2 year job posting halfway across the world. We are now two months into a very committed long distance relationship. We speak multiple times a day by phone, email, chat, etc, and I would say that our communication is very good. If all is well a year down the track, I am planning to move back to the same city so that we can be together. Both of us have a long-term commitment in mind.
However... My girlfriend is in her late 20s and about 8 years younger. She has spent most of her 20s in serious relationships, and has never really had a chance to just date around and have fun. She thinks that this might be her last chance, and wants to have an open relationship, just while we are apart. Kind of a "last hurrah" before I move back.
I trust her. And on a purely rational level, I am OK with this, even though I don't have any desire to see other people myself. My girlfriend is proposing a "don't ask don't tell" policy, and we have come up with various rules and boundaries that I think make sense. We also agreed to trial it for just 3 months until we next meet, at which point she thinks she may even have gotten things out of her system and be happy to revert to monogamy. However, I am a bit worried that this may not be as simple as flicking a switch on and then off again. ie I am worried about the unintended emotional consequences. I must admit the thought of her with other guys makes me queasy, and I have no idea if I will be able to quell the feelings of jealousy that could result. Any pointers on making such an arrangement work, or cautionary tales of the pitfalls?