My bed is too small. His bed is too soft. Where can we most comfortably sleep?

September 26, 2011 5:22 AM

My bed is too small. His bed is too soft. Where can we most comfortably sleep?

Boyfriend and I have been spending a lot of time together. Everything is going well. But the sleeping issue is a bit of a problem. We have been spending more time at my place because it's more set up than his (he does not care about 'decorating' and lacks such basic amenities as lamps and kitchen tables) but my bed (a double) is a little on the small side. I just spent my first night at his place and loved his giant king-sized bed, but hated his super-squishy mattress.

The problem is that both of us are kind of restless sleepers, but while he sleeps like the dead, I am a very light sleeper. Every time he fidgeted, it felt like a little earthquake in his bed! I just didn't feel like I ever properly fell asleep. I made it through the next day as normal so clearly I did get some sleep, but it was not a restful night.

Short of him (or me) buying a new bed, is there anything we can do to make things more comfortable? In my bed, he sleeps so close to me that I overheat. On the other hand, I love the space of his bed, but feel like it is vibrating every time he turns over! Ideas? Assistance? And if he does decide to buy a new mattress, what should we look for so that both of us can get a good night's sleep?

posted by JoannaC to Grab Bag (13 answers total)

I've heard of people putting a board under a mattress to make it more firm.

I have a memory foam mattress and they are great for not transmitting motion. They also sell memory foam mattress toppers that might work well in your case.
posted by DoubleLune at 5:48 AM on September 26, 2011

I really hope this doesn't come off as condescending, because I totally don't mean it to be. If you're new to sleeping with another person, know that it does get a lot easier over time. You get used to the other person's sleep quirks, and your body learns not to react.

Also, this situation is exactly what Sleep Number Beds are supposed to help with, but they are pretty pricey.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 6:08 AM on September 26, 2011

Sleeping together as a couple is merely customary, and if you don't enjoy it, because of diverse sleep habits, snoring, bed configuration etc, there is nothing wrong with you, or weird, or unloving, if you choose not to sleep in the same bed or even in the same room. Talk it over, don't just assume that because you are a couple you must share a bed.
posted by aeschenkarnos at 6:40 AM on September 26, 2011

Best answer: Foam mattresses are very good at dampening sound. We have a latex foam mattress from Ikea that was not very expensive and has a layer of natural fibers under the cotton cover so I don't overheat.
posted by oneirodynia at 6:57 AM on September 26, 2011

ugh, I meant *movement*. Sorry, it's not even 7am here and I am coffeeless.
posted by oneirodynia at 6:58 AM on September 26, 2011

I think oneirodynia and I might own the same mattress. The price was reasonable, the mattress is comfortable and not too hot, and it does a very good job (not perfect, but very good) of dampening motion. It was heavy as balls, though, so make sure you've got some help in case you need to carry it upstairs.
posted by Faint of Butt at 8:22 AM on September 26, 2011

He could also get a firmer mattress topper. Some of them are latex and others are memory foam.
posted by barnone at 8:52 AM on September 26, 2011

If his mattress is on the thin side, you could try putting a board under it (at least on your half) which would help firm it up. Did this in college!
posted by radioamy at 9:16 AM on September 26, 2011

If you have room in your apartment, buy a second double bed in the same or similar style to your existing bed. Put the two beds next to each other, as if they were a single bed. This will allow you two the benefits of sleeping near each other (intimacy, snuggling) while minimizing sleep disturbances. This solution works great when snoring is not a big issue but general restlessness is.

My girlfriend and I did something like this for a while, successfully, until we decided that we were actually more comfortable separating the two beds a couple feet apart to reduce the effects of tossing and turning even more.

Hopefully purchasing a double bed is a lot more cost effective than you purchasing a new Queen or King.
posted by jameslavelle3 at 11:50 AM on September 26, 2011

It sounds like the current preference is for you two to sleep at your house. Maybe just improve how coolly you can sleep in your bed. Try a layer of wool (wait, hear this out!!) as recommended in this AskMe.
posted by desuetude at 2:17 PM on September 26, 2011

A new mattress might help. Try plush. Its a great inbetween not hard and not squishy either. My wife and I both like it and does not transfer too much movement.
posted by majortom1981 at 3:14 PM on September 26, 2011

My wife and I prefer to sleep in separate twins. She tends to flay and roll around when she sleeps and the bruises are hard to explain sometimes.
posted by hrhtx at 5:41 PM on September 26, 2011

Answering just the last part of the question: My husband likes a soft mattress, I like a firm one. We just bought a display mattress that was half firm, half "plush". You can't order them that way, but the floor models split like that are sold in many mattress stores when the new display mattresses come in and they are heavily discounted. It might not be something you want to buy unless you're in a long-term relationship and you need to catch it at the right time of the year, but it's an interesting option most people don't realize exists.
posted by girlhacker at 7:01 PM on September 26, 2011 [2 favorites]