I just found out that my girlfriend does web cam shows for money I need advice/perspective on the situation.
posted by anonymous to human relations (46 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and a half. I love her very much and, I have made a very serious decision to stay committed to her, regardless of marriage or engagement. We both are very depressed with our lives, I know this is an illness and, will continue to see our mental health as such. I think waiting till we are both happy with our lives is the most prudent thing to do before considering marriage.
A lot of our troubles comes from money or, lack of. We're the working poor in middle America where dollar signs keep the world turning, unfortunately. After a particular week of financial hardship She admitted to me that she has been doing web cam shows for money.
Needless to say, I was appalled. Yes money is important to keep the lights on and, pay the rent. But had I known what she was doing, I would have taken a third job. She started telling me that it was for us, which I quickly corrected her that I wasn't interested in making money in this manner. There are plenty of ways to make a buck without exploiting your body. So, money is not the whole issue.
As far as who is watching her cam shows, she assured me that she was able to block anyone from our state to prevent any awkward encounters in the real world. She also reminded me that I was the only one to hold her at night, I was the only one that she was interested in having sex with (even though she is Bi and has brought up on many occasions that she would like to have a female companion purely for sex. She said that she has no interest in the people that she chats with, she's merely looking for tips to take her top off, flirt and opened up the potential for her viewers to chat privately (more money than open chat), to buy her presents on her amazon wishlist, buy her used panties etc. She said it was pure customer service. She said that it was short term, That she wanted to get enough money to buy a car. I think she wants to buy things that she wants versus what she needs. In a consumer based world, there will always be something else that you want. Although, I understand that she does need a vehicle.
I looked at the site, the other cam shows the girls were putting on. I watch porn on a monthly basis (not that frequently but, I'm not above it) and this was boring. Most of the girls were just sitting there chatting with the people in the room fully clothed , making small talk. My girlfriend said that she talks a lot about star wars etc. From what I could discern, these are very lonely people for which, I feel sorry for. It was like a strip club designed for nerds.
Later on, she admitted her fears that her looks were not going to last forever (she's 23) and she wants to take advantage of her looks now before it's too late (for what, I don't know). She's treating this as a feminist issue (my body, my rights) and, I continue to look at it as exploitation. I'm not one to forbid someone from doing something unless it has the potential to do permanent damage to themselves. Ultimately, I still disapprove of the whole situation.
I cannot put into words what I feel exactly, which made me look like an ass when I was trying to describe the anger, hurt and betrayal that I've felt. I'm through with ultimatums, I found out a long time ago that they don't work. I realize that I'm either going to take it, or leave it.
If I leave, She will be evicted in a short amount of time. She will be out on the street. I love her too much for that. Her family is gone, more or less. Her father killed himself when she was three, and her mother is a raging alcoholic. I am the only one she has and, she's killing me with her choices. There is no doubt in my mind that her mental illnesses and traumatic childhood are playing a huge part in this situation. Six months ago I helped her get therapy, and psychiatric help, she's on medication which is very expensive as well as her treatment is paid out of pocket (inadequate health insurance). This voyeuristic behavior has only started after she started her medication. Although, she said that she has been interested in doing something like this for a while.
Obviously, I'm not a doctor or psychiatrist but, could the meds also play a part in this? Is she eventually going to get tired/bored with this and give it up on her own? Should I leave her regardless of the consequences? Am I overreacting to the situation? Is this a breach of fidelity? I'm desperately seeking a different perspective on this situation so that I can feel better about myself, is that wrong? Above all, I want to do the right thing.