Help me do what I should have done as a dad
September 18, 2011 8:46 AM   Subscribe

How to be the best grandparent babysitter

I know there was a question asked on being the best grandparent possible, but I need specifics. When my children were growing up I worked long hours and had an alcohol problem and was not there for them much. I'm 21 years alcohol free (starting when they were 14 and 12) Now I babysit for my 17 month old grand daughter and it is hard for me to play with her, I just don't know how. I don't want to miss out on her growing up also. I feel stupid asking how to play with her but I'm sure you can help me be a good grand dad.
posted by malhaley to Human Relations (22 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
 
My favorite memories of spending time with my grandparents (which was a lot):
-Checkers with my grandfather
-Watching Joy of Painting with my grandfather
-Watching my grandmother cook/bake
Basically, simple stuff. Stuff they enjoyed anyway, that I enjoyed doing with them/watching them do. Just love your grandchild, and the rest will follow. You don't have to invent intricate games, you don't even have to get too physically involved. Just show them what you know and what you love.
posted by litnerd at 9:02 AM on September 18, 2011


I would try not to feel stupid and ask her parents what she likes/enjoys and go from there. In fact, it might be somewhat healing for your children to hear you admit your faults with their childhoods and see you making a difference for your grandchildren. However, your family may vary.

From my experience around this age - they love to climb on things. They also are starting to notice and be interested in toys/tools that we use every day - like hairbrush, cellphone, unlocking car door etc. They are starting to get a little more independent, wanting to do things themselves. She should be able to stack blocks and scribble/fingerpaint. They can do some activities on the playground with supervision. It'd be fun to play with a wooden spoon with pots and pans. Most importantly, read alot to her. See previously.
posted by quodlibet at 9:04 AM on September 18, 2011 [1 favorite]


Don't be afraid to ask your children. They know their child best, right? Even if you had been a perfect parent, it's been a few decades since they were babies, no?
posted by canine epigram at 9:05 AM on September 18, 2011


My niece and nephew loved when I sang them old television theme songs - you know the ones that tell a story: Beverly Hillbillies, Gilligan's Island (I'd bounce my nephew a little more on my knee when we got to "the weather started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed" part and he'd love that), The Brady Bunch. They're probably stuck in your brain so use them and have fun!

Just pay attention to them and follow their lead. Don't try to force them to do things. If they want to walk around and point at things, just follow and be there. If they want to cuddle, grab a book and read them a story using silly voices.

Oh and fingerpaint with chocolate pudding. Sure, it gets messy, but it's yummy too!
posted by NoraCharles at 9:09 AM on September 18, 2011


My dad was the same way growing up. Exactly.

He babysits my two little ones now. Things he does with them:
Yard work
A walk
Movies
Swimming
Gives them bathes (my dad is obsessed with hygiene, and he enjoys squirting water at them)
Parks
Coloring
Making little projects i.e wooden trains, paper airplanes, just hammering wood.

He never did those things with us, but that's what he seems to enjoy now. Sometimes they just go over and hang out. They bum around his house (he's divorced from my mom) and listen to music, and snack for a while.
posted by Sweetmag at 9:14 AM on September 18, 2011


My toddler loves going for walks/outings with his grandparents even when they're to EXACTLY THE SAME PLACES he goes with us. Somehow they are more exciting with grandpa or grandma.

This book has a lot of suggestions of things to do with toddlers. I've used it when I'm at a bit of a loss and my toddler is at loose ends.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 9:20 AM on September 18, 2011


My grandpa always took us to look at new construction. We loved looking at the trucks and activity. Just going out and about with him and actually having the time to slow down and look was precious and we all remember it fondly.
posted by mynameisluka at 9:22 AM on September 18, 2011


Dollhouses are fun -- they don't have to be fancy -- have the dollies do what you and your granddaughter do. "Here's the Grandpa cooking... Ooh, he's making omelettes! Now they're getting ready to go in the car... brmm"

A series of trips to thrift stores will give you a good shelf of children's classics so you don't get tired of reading the same books over and over; library trips are good too.

I thought the book The Good Granny Guide was very thoughtfully done, lots of good tips (including ones on how to preserve good relations with the parents), equally useful for Grandpas.

There is an older book called The Mother's Almanac; there is also now a volume called The Father's Almanac, and both are stuffed with ideas for little projects to do with kids, and little tidbits about how to raise them. Very nicely done.

My grandfather made a shelf in his kitchen 'mine' when I visited; it was stocked with dried fruits and nuts and imported British candies and other special what-not. Something to look forward to (doesn't have to be expensive; a pipe-smoking uncle let me play with his pipe cleaners, and that was always something I looked forward to; they were so different from the craft kind) and a little bit of "this is YOURS" at your house will go a long way.
posted by kmennie at 9:26 AM on September 18, 2011


My grandpa died when I was 8, but I have vivid memories of playing card games with him.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 9:46 AM on September 18, 2011


"Dance" with her: I've been doing this with one of my great-nephews lately, and he adores it: hold her against your hip, one arm supporting her butt and the other ready behind her head, and twirl slowly around to music. (Slow music is fine: in fact it's probably easier.) Every so often I 'dip' him over backward --- which is why I've got a hand ready to support his head --- and he thinks it's the greatest thing on earth.

Read to your granddaughter. Color. Play with cars or blocks. Go for a walk or take a nap. Show her how to eat the filling out of an Oreo before eating the cookie part. Thing is, you're Grandpa: just spending time with her will make you see you as the best grandfather in the world.

(Heck, when I was about four, my grandpop let me watch him shave! I tell you, I was in awe of his derring-do....)
posted by easily confused at 10:06 AM on September 18, 2011


If you can, find something that you can make "just yours" - for example there was this super awesome state of the art playground across town from our neighborhood that my parents never took me to. The only person who ever took me there was my Pap. He'd sit on the bench or push me on the swings and encourage me on, and to this day (I'm close to 40) when I drive past that now semi decrepit playground, my heart swells with memories of my Pap.

Find your "one thing" and make memories. She'll love you for it forever.

I mentioned to my mom once about how that makes me think of Pap and she said, tears in her eyes, "Me too."
posted by librarianamy at 10:52 AM on September 18, 2011 [4 favorites]


For me, what I always enjoyed about going to my grandparents was getting out of the "grind" of being a little kid. Just not having to do things like chores or school, going to different stores (remember, when they're young, even going to a strange new grocery store or the most mundane thing imaginable is a new and exciting experience!), not having to go do boring errands that my Mom had to do, and that kind of thing was a real treat.

My grandmother kept a playroom in one of the bedrooms with a couple baskets of basic, timeless sorts of toys (nothing with batteries that made a lot of noise, for the sake of her own sanity) and a bunch of kid-friendly books that the waves of grandkids used. She was also up for anything that wouldn't compromise our health/safety, from basic things like going to the beach on a whim to weird things like one of us being obsessed with an interesting-looking pawn shop and so she took us in to look at weird pawn shop things.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 11:05 AM on September 18, 2011


I thought more about this and basically the key to toddlers is that they are delighted to tag along and do most anything adults do, as long as you a) Have a high tolerance for mess and imperfection and b) are willing to go at toddler speed (i.e., slow). So anything you're happy to do with those two criteria, just do it with your granddaughter, whether that's painting or hammering in a workshop or cooking or whatever. I cook a lot with my toddler -- he can dump things in a bowl, and stir things with a big wooden spoon, and taste test. And knock things over and spill a lot. But I don't mind cleaning up the kitchen afterwards, and I focus on things where imperfection doesn't matter (so if half the sugar ends up outside the bowl, I can guesstimate how much more to add and it won't wreck the recipe). On the other hand, I'm careful with my liturgical art books, so those are where he can't reach them, because imperfection and destruction with those isn't okay with me.

My husband takes our toddler to do yardwork -- he LOOOOOVES yanking weeds (i.e., everything -- so give her a very weedy area) and thought cleaning dead leaves off flowerbeds and throwing them in a bucket in the spring was the best thing since sliced bread. Just now my husband was cleaning the kitchen counters and my toddler was shouting, "CLEANING! DADDY CLEANING!" and laughing hysterically. Sweeping also cracks him up. If I give him a rag he will "clean" an area and think it's super-fun.

I remember painting with a great-uncle who was artistic, and listening to jazz and dancing and playing instruments along with a great-aunt who was musical. Just whatever YOU like to do, and can tolerate imperfection and toddler speed, will be great ... and memorable. Grandparents, who typically have fewer demands on their time, are particularly good at slowing down to toddler speed. We take a lot of walks and hikes because they're interesting for toddlers (a stick! a stopsign! leaves! cars! butterflies! dirt!), good for their motor development as they're early walkers, and tire them out. Just don't ever go further in than you can carry her back out in case she becomes surprise-exhausted. It easily took my toddler an hour and a half to walk to the drug store and back (a mile and a half round trip), which is a slow way to go pick up a prescription, but he LOVED it. We do a lot of hiking in forest preserves too.

Also, toddlers become rapidly more interesting companions between now and 24 months. Language will develop fast and they'll start participating more, engaging in imaginative play, copying you, and expressing their thoughts much more clearly. At 17 months I was sometimes struggling to be entertaining, but now my child is 2 he is very good company and keeps me amused as much as I keep him amused.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 11:28 AM on September 18, 2011


You don't really have to play with toddlers because everything in the world is so new to them.

Are you free to go to museums, parks, coffee shops, etc or are you limited to home?

If you can travel with kidlet, then, well, GO! Museums with kids are great, but beware of potential kid melt downs. Just watch closely for the signs of impending doom, and whisk her out when they crop up. If your town has kid oriented museums, those are fine, but so are totally grown up museums.

Parks of course, go without saying.

Coffee shops. Some places will make a baby-cino, which is just steamed milk. Check with her parents on this one. If the two of you have a drink together, you can read the paper with her, or let her make up stories about the pictures in the news. Some coffee shops have checker boards. While it might be too early for her to play checkers with you now, mention it every time and before you know it, she'll be asking you to teach her.

As for reading! Read to her. As much as you can. Read the same two or three books over and over.

If you still really want to play, try stacking things. The rings that stack on a pole are very popular. You can talk to her about colors and shapes. Stacking things without support lets you yammer on for a bit about gravity. It doesn't matter that none of this might be "sinking in," as long as she knows you are talking to her, rather than at her. Letter blocks or tiles are fun for kids. Numbers too. Eventually she'll point to a 6 and say "shicks" or whatever weird speech thing her lips pick for that number. Your heart will burst.
posted by bilabial at 11:53 AM on September 18, 2011


Seconding bilabial and coffee shops: going out with Grandpa/Grandma? Very special! My father made it a point to frequently take each of his grandkids out for breakfast, just him and one grandchild, from when they were quite young; all of them remember how special that made them feel.
posted by easily confused at 12:16 PM on September 18, 2011


This is going to sound very elementary, but I can't stress how important it is!

SMILE! A LOT! LAUGH! A LOT! Find things to laugh and smile about together. But keep smiling and laughing. Even if it makes you look crazy. Play peek-a-boo. And smile. Play hide-and-seek. And laugh. Children are looking at your facial expressions to see if they are safe and if their world is okay.
posted by Hanako at 1:34 PM on September 18, 2011 [1 favorite]


I once heard it said that grandparents and grandchildren make such great friends as a result of a common enemy. You have the ability to indulge their vices and leave your kids with the consequences.

Also introduce her to the things you love to do, she'll see your excitement for it and thats most of what is important.
posted by Blasdelb at 2:12 PM on September 18, 2011


As a kid, one of the fun things about grandparents (and actually any other babysitter or caretaker) is getting to do things with them that you don't do with your parents. Whether it's board games or crafts and other kid-type stuff that their parents don't really do with them, or gardening and tagging along on errands, it's fun for the kid to get to do new things and have special routines with other caretakers. My grandparents lived near a great playground so we would always go there which I loved. My grandma was a great cook (my mom hates to cook) so she taught me a lot and I loved to help in the kitchen.

Also as a grandparent, you get to do things that the parents "disapprove of." My mom hates nail polish and wouldn't let me wear it, but she let my grandma get away with painting my nails, which was *awesome*.
posted by radioamy at 3:25 PM on September 18, 2011


I'm not a grandparent yet, but I have a thought on the going out for meals as being special. People in general seem to go out a lot more than they did when I was growing up; maybe figure out if eating out is common with mom and dad and if it is; eat in instead. Simple meals like scrambled eggs and toast or slow cooked oatmeal *made in the company of grandpa* might be way more special for the child than one more meal out.
posted by jvilter at 5:07 PM on September 18, 2011


When I watched my stepdad and my daughter when she was your granddaughter's age (from a distance in a "my heart is going to burst from the cuteness" way, not as a hovering parent), what I remember him doing was just puttering around the yard (my folks have a big yard) and he'd show her things, tell her what they were and just let her check them out. Tree bark, grass, birds flying, that sort of thing. I assume when she's older, he'll take her into the garage and show her how to fix stuff.

As she learns to talk (if she's not talking already), make sure to really listen to her and answer her questions as thoughtfully as you can. Knowing that you're listening to her will make a huge difference in your interactions with her.

This is such a cliche, but I snapped a picture of my stepdad having a tea party with my daughter this past Easter (she was 2 and a half). I was thrilled to see them enjoying each other so much. Just taking the kid stuff seriously and getting into it will make a difference to her.

There's a lot of great suggestions here. I also will trot out the AskMe standard answer of "If you're asking, you're probably doing better than you think." Clearly you care, and I'm sure your granddaughter (and your son/daughter) realize it.

librarianamy, your post made me tear up. How lucky are you to have such lovely memories of your grandfather. What a gift he gave you.
posted by melissa at 5:38 PM on September 18, 2011


Sing anything, especially things that aren't just kids' songs. Before I was 7 I knew all of Simon and Garfunkel's Greatest Hits, The Battle Hymn of the Republic, and the Charlie on the MTA song because my dad sang all the time. To this day, I make up songs about every little thing, especially if they can be a play on words.

Tiny kids love poems. My dad read me a huge book of poetry and I still remember a lot of it - Annabel Lee and "a realio trulio cowardly dragon," and "Once I met a wee little elf man, down where the lilies blow, I asked him why he was so small and why he did not grow..."

Think about anything your parents shared with you and share it with the grandkids in your life. As I got older, I loved that things my dad had taught me were things that I had in common with his brothers and sisters - my aunts and uncles. Keep your family traditions alive.
posted by bendy at 12:00 AM on September 19, 2011


Take them for walks, where they are actually walking if possible not pushed, hold their hand and walk at toddler speed. Stop and look at everything. Ants on the ground, show them how the leave change colour, how buds become flowers, how mint leaves smell, how that cloud looks like a horse. Answer any question they ask, get down on their level and really listen and talk to them.

Let them "help" you around the house. Give them a dustpan and let them sweep. Let them help fold the washing.

The cool part of toddlers is that every single thing in the whole world is new and my favourite thing ever to do with my niece and nephew when they were younger was show them things and let them show me.
posted by wwax at 9:28 AM on September 19, 2011


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