Moving out: practical advice
September 1, 2011 11:17 AM Subscribe
Need help regarding inter-cultural communication gaps and advice regarding moving out.
posted by raintree to human relations (7 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
I apologize for the long post but it is hard to summarize this situation even in all these paragraphs. I will try my best.
I wanted to provide you with a back story: I'm a South Asian 21 year old woman. My mom immigrated to Canada with my brother and I in 2005 (my father chose to stay in the country I was raised due to job prospects, so I see him once or twice a year). Even though my brother and I expressed that we wanted to live alone during university, my mom moved with us to our university town and lives here 9 months of the year. My parents are conservative and very religious. A factor I believe, has been an overwhelming cause of general unhappiness for me; I do not ascribe to their belief system and live a fairly 'liberal' lifestyle (that is, I have a white boyfriend, occasionally drink, and eat non-halal/kosher meat). To top it off, my parents and I do not communicate. My mom does not let me: wear what I want, have friends that are boys, choose an alternative belief system, take on a part-time job, date etc. all of these issues have lead to conflict. When I was younger, I did abide by these restrictions but as I've grown older, I find that pretending to be happy with these limitations has caused a lot of depression. Conflicts at home deteroriate how I study, and have led me to live a 'two-faced' lifestyle around parents. My brother has a similar conflict/communication gap with my parents.
My question to you is: should I move out? Considering I am still a 'limbo' student (it will be a few years before I finish my degree) who has little job experience or financial savings?
I am simpy confused about what step to take. I am paralyzed by fear and the possibility that my parents will not want to acknowledge me as a daughter anymore. Most days I just feel downright suicidal, just wanting to drink my problems away because there is no way I feel like I can tackle them head on. I do not feel a part of "Canadian society" nor my own; many friends judge me for not telling my parents about my personal life, while people in my own community reject the secular lifestyle I lead. I know many immigrant kids who deal with pretty much the same issue with their parents, but they always tell me to "ride it out" and that it will get better. But is constantly lying and living a hypocritical life worth it? Are there people who deal with inter-cultural problems that could help me open up the communication barrier that I have with my parents and society as a whole?
other notes: I have been going out with a great guy for the last 4 years who graduated a few years ago and works full-time; we have discussed the possibility of me moving in, at least temporarily, if things get really sour at home. I don't know if I see this as a permanent option though, even though he has insisted, simply because I feel I will be a burden without a steady income that will be contributing to rent, food, etc.