Work Friend to Girl Friend?
August 21, 2011 5:57 PM Subscribe
WTF Filter: "Working" with someone that I think there's more with there...but I don't know how to approach taking the leap. Not that special snowflakery inside.
posted by chrisfromthelc to Human Relations (32 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
Giant brain dump ahead. You've been warned!
I met this person ("Gina") at a networking event/nerd party a year ago. We casually tossed around working on some project together (she's in a different, but complementary field to what I do). My partner/hired help at the time did some Bad Things (business-wise, and without my knowledge), and subsequently, Gina and I didn't speak beyond the occasional pleasantry via social media here and there.
Fast forward 8 or so months, and she caught wind that the old partner was out, and I had new help. She had a project she wanted my input on, and so we meet up and discuss work things for a bit, and long story short, we have hung out in person 9 out of 10 days since. The days we haven't, there have been video conference/phone calls. Only about 5% (if that) work-related.
We go out to dinner, movies, other activities together. I've stayed the night at her place (in her bed, cuddled up and spooning), we've gone on a overnight trip out of town together (same bed situation). She's changed clothes in front of me (without the "hide your eyes!" comments). She's met part of my family, I've met part of hers (both of our families are out of towners). We've held hands, and done all the sorts of things that you see couples do short of actually kissing.
She has commented often about how I'm the first person she usually makes contact with in the morning, and the last person at night. If I haven't texted/chatted her by noon, I can guarantee she'll ping me. When I go to a public event, it's often assumed (by her) that she is going to come along.
If I were to look at this outside, I'd absolutely assume "these kids are dating". Almost every friend that has seen us together has assumed and commented to me that they think the same way.
Now, on the flip side. She recently (a month or so) broke it off with another guy. His lifestyle is such that he will never, ever be in the same city more than a couple of days, barring a death in his immediate family (this is why they split). The relationship they had was just a shell for a few weeks when she finally told him it wasn't going to continue.
When we started hanging out, she knew that I was on eHarmony and OkCupid (hey, can't catch one if you don't put out some lines, right?). I've since occasionally checked, but these are pretty much on autopilot. I only bring this up because at some point, she commented on how she could write an awesome profile for me. She randomly comments on a guy's looks (she's athletic and has a thing for soccer players), but I'm confident that she would never date based on looks (I've seen pictures of the last couple of guys; not lookers at ALL). She occasionally comments on how she would make an awesome wingman for me.
When things first started to simmer, and I thought there *might* be something there, I casually mentioned in passing that "$mutualfriend thinks we're dating, you know." She responded that she would probably never date someone she worked with. This was before things started getting very girlfriendish, so, it is what it is.
tl;dr, our "working together" is a pretty non-existent thing. She's brought me one (very small) project over the span of 3 months, and 99% of what her business could bring me is such small jobs that they're honestly not worth my time. I wouldn't miss it. I would absolutely love to date her, even though we're different races (I'm white and she's Indian, but grew up in the US in a Americanized household) and religions (I'm a Christian and she is Catholic school girl gone Unitarian at worst, slack Catholic at best). I think she would want to date me, but I can't place what's hold either of us back from making the move.
Pick this one apart, MeFites. What should I do?