friend or classmate: pick one.
August 21, 2011 12:02 PM Subscribe
How do you explain to a friend that working with them as a classmate is like having your fingernails ripped off one at a time?
posted by These Birds of a Feather to human relations (14 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Previously I wrote and inquired about how I can be a better member of group projects. I've been doing much better and my classmates have expressed to me that they really enjoy working with me. Obviously this means a lot to me because as my previous questions will indicate, I have a hard time working with people, regardless of the setting or situation.
Unfortunately I have a new problem: one of my new friends in my grad program is turning out to be a total terror to work with. Though she's fun to be with outside of the classroom, as a teammate she is domineering, judgmental, and goes to great lengths to ingratiate herself to the people in our group so they'll do as she says later on in the project. It's been frustrating as all get out, especially because she's randomly taken a major issue with the fact that I typically get better grades in our classes than she does, and has decided that I "will bring everyone else down" if I'm allowed to work on aspects of our current projects by myself. (?!?!?!)
She even verbally harasses me whenever I suggest or contribute ideas to our group, and actually went so far as to give me the silent treatment the other day when some of us took the initiative to get our group project a meeting place so we could be productive. She's 24! No one else in the group has an issue with me, each has asked her to stop bothering me, and everyone is grouchy because she only attached herself to our group at the last minute when no one else wanted to work with her.
Right now obviously I'm just trying to get through this. The big issue is that this girl thinks she's still being a good friend and coworker to me, and I will be so unhappy if she continues to attach herself to group projects that I'm in. (Our teachers don't assign groups. We form them ourselves.)
How can I explain to her that I would like to be friends only, not groupmates? Her personality is overpowering everything and no one has worked on any of the work because she insists it be done in her environment, her way. I am so embarrassed to even have to ask this question because the juvenile behavior I keep encountering is crazy baffling, and because I am not sure how to even approach this. I just don't feel like I can continue to be friends with her and tolerate her work behavior too.