Creepy or Nice? How to tell the difference!
August 19, 2011 9:37 AM Subscribe
Dating Filter: Is he creepy or just nice?
posted by anonymous to human relations (71 answers total) 17 users marked this as a favorite
Oh, great HiveMind - please help a girl out! I've been through so many bad relationships and dating experiences, that I think that after a year off of soul-searching, I finally made the decision that I'm on top of it all, have made myself better and am ready to date again. Great!
For the past several months I have been on dates and had a few flings. I'm realizing that dating is difficult and there really are a lot of jerks out there. I'm a 30-something female and have everything in order for the most part. I've got awesome friends, a good family, a great support system, a solid roof over my head, a decent job, I don't know, I make it work and I know who I am. It's a good feeling. I want to meet someone and settle down, but am not going crazy with this or about kids or anything because life finally feels good - I want to settle down with someone who meshes with it all and am in no rush.
Anyway, back to the jerks. I think I might be too nice and accepting of people and generally enjoy being generous to others, which causes me to meet a lot of jerks who have lead me on, and then have either totally burned me, used me or have done something signicantly douchy to me or mean. At this point, I just chop them out of my life and move on.
I met this guy recently online, and...he's so nice. I don't know if I'm just so used to being burned and treated like crap by all the jerks out there that I feel like my guard is up. He just seems too...nice? What's wrong with me? Is this legitimate niceness or is it creepy? I don't know which end is up anymore!
- He compliments me constantly, tells me I'm beautiful, sexy, etc.
- He holds my hand, kisses me, hugs me, touches me
- We've been seeing each other for a month or so and have been intimate. It was good.
- He calls me every night, he emails every morning to say good morning.
- He cooks for me
- He pays for everything
- He has mentioned having "the talk", but only when I'm ready, he has explicitly told me that he's "into me".
- He has met a few of my friends (they thought he was nice, but..."meh". Datapoint: my friends think that no dude is good enough for me. I do not believe this, but this is why my friends rock).
- He generally goes out of his way/drops everything to hang out with me.
- He did slip up and blurted "Love you" when we parted ways a few dates ago. I didn't say anything and just let it go. I'm definitely not there.
- We have a ton of shared interests/hobbies that we've enjoyed together which is fun.
- I have not met his friends. I think he is one of those people who doesn't have too many friends, but the ones he does have are quality.
- His parents are divorced and he's really close with his mom, my parents are not divorced and I'm not too close with them (but close enough). He lives with a roommate and is also a 30-something (we are city dwellers, this is common) and has a solid job.
How do I know if this is creepy or a normal dude who likes me? If this is normal, how do I eventually let my guard down and trust him? I think we could make this a serious thing, which is great, but I don't know how to go about it. I've been so horribly burned in the past that it's hard to open my heart up again. If this seems normal, are there any red flags that I should look for or be on alert about? What else?