Should I invite the ex?
August 8, 2011 12:40 PM Subscribe
Should I invite my friend's ex to a party I am throwing at his house?
posted by amodelcitizen to Human Relations (25 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
I am throwing a party for a good friend, David. My other friend, Jason, is hosting the party for me because I don’t have a big enough house for parties.
Jason’s ex, Theresa, has been out of town for months attending to a sick relative who ended up passing away. Theresa is returning to town on the night of the party and wants to get together with people. She asked me to hang out.
Theresa is an acquaintance of David’s and would probably want to come to the party. I don’t feel that I can invite Theresa, though, because Jason does not have the best relationship with her. She broke up with him and then continued to see him, knowing that he wanted a relationship and she didn’t. I’m not sure what the status is now, but last I heard, Theresa was contacting Jason and he was not replying. She is definitely a boundary pusher, so the less he responded, the more she pushed.
I feel that if I invite Theresa to the party, she will definitely come, and she may make Jason uncomfortable. If I just tell Theresa about the party and explain why I can’t invite her, I feel she will be angry and hurt. I know how she responds to my truthful explanation is her issue, but I’d rather not have to do this considering the loss she has just experienced and how excited she is to be back home among friends. I also don’t want to ask Jason if it’s cool, because that feels rude, after he has graciously offered his space. I directly asked him to host the party for me.
I’ve ended up lying to Theresa and telling her I had another commitment. I feel terrible about this. I don’t want to lie, and I especially don’t want to lie because it’s possible the party might get back to her. Then she will know I lied.
What’s the right thing to do in this situation?
Finally, just to mention, I’ve lied to Theresa before about what I’m doing. She often reacts in a hurt way when I express other interests or don’t get back to her immediately. It's very tiring, and I am, in part, reacting to this history I have with her. We used to be good friends, but this issue eventually wore me away, and I stopped feeling close to her.