If I turn them down I'm a bitch; if I don't, I'm "leading them on" and I'm still a bitch
August 7, 2011 4:58 PM Subscribe
I don't know how to reject men! I just know I'm handling this all wrong, please advise.
posted by anonymous to human relations (45 answers total) 23 users marked this as a favorite
I recently graduated from a school which was overwhelmingly made up of women, and moved to a larger city than I've ever lived in before. Now I'm going to all these new events and am getting hit on a fair bit and I have to say, I have never actually experienced this before.
The problem is, well, I don't want to date every dude who talks to me... but I have no idea how to gracefully decline without saying something like "Oh, I'm not interested right now" or "Oh, I have a boyfriend." I used to use those at school (because I am a coward) but, well... if I'm at a freakin' singles night, or in a large group of new people in which I might like to ask someone ELSE out, I can't say that.
But what am I supposed to say? Sorry, you're too boring/clingy/unfunny/likely to use internet memes in real life, I am not attracted to you, please stop talking to me so I can go hit on that other guy? Of course not!
The thing is, though, the guys I'm worried about NEVER ACTUALLY ASK ME OUT. They just... hang around me. A lot. And butt into conversations I'm having with other guys. And ask me to do stuff "as friends" when that's clearly not the case. But since they don't ask me out, I can't reject them. But "hey I've noticed you hanging around me a lot and giving me the puppy-dog eyes, please be advised that I will never sleep with you" is... not an ok thing to say. I mean, I am trying to meet new people in a new town here, I'm not trying to burn bridges. I don't want people to think I'm mean.
So what do I do? How do I firmly express my lack of interest in a specific guy without being a colossal bitch? So far I have gone with "pretend you don't notice until they actually ask you out" but that can't work forever.