I sure didn't take these pills, did you?
August 3, 2011 6:26 AM Subscribe
Someone took pills from my bathroom. It could only be three people, and it's more likely to be one in particular. Counsel me before I do something rash?
Due to my ongoing treatment of depression/anxiety, I have amassed a collection of various drugs which I keep in a box on a shelf in my bathroom. This morning I noticed that out of my bottle of Klonopin that I've had for about a month, only 3 out of 10 pills were in there and I haven't taken a single one yet. this is either a pretty bad pharmacy error that I missed when I picked them up (but the bottle says "double counted"...) or one of the only three people that ive had over in the past month took them.
I'm feeling pissed and violated and want to send a text message to the guy I think was most likely to have taken them (who does a variety of drugs often and could easily have pinched them to take or sell) just flat out asking if he took them. Maybe a "Shit i noticed these were missing, did you happen to take them?"
Is this a terrible idea? I don't care about getting them back, I just want to know who did it. In my (depressed, anxious) mind it's tough enough for me to make the effort to be social in the first place, and it was such a big deal for me to have even had people over... so it's crushing to think I can't trust the friend(s) I thought I had. Ugh. Thanks for reading and I really appreciate any advice.
Due to my ongoing treatment of depression/anxiety, I have amassed a collection of various drugs which I keep in a box on a shelf in my bathroom. This morning I noticed that out of my bottle of Klonopin that I've had for about a month, only 3 out of 10 pills were in there and I haven't taken a single one yet. this is either a pretty bad pharmacy error that I missed when I picked them up (but the bottle says "double counted"...) or one of the only three people that ive had over in the past month took them.
I'm feeling pissed and violated and want to send a text message to the guy I think was most likely to have taken them (who does a variety of drugs often and could easily have pinched them to take or sell) just flat out asking if he took them. Maybe a "Shit i noticed these were missing, did you happen to take them?"
Is this a terrible idea? I don't care about getting them back, I just want to know who did it. In my (depressed, anxious) mind it's tough enough for me to make the effort to be social in the first place, and it was such a big deal for me to have even had people over... so it's crushing to think I can't trust the friend(s) I thought I had. Ugh. Thanks for reading and I really appreciate any advice.
Might not be a good idea if you're wrong too, but echoing nadwai's approach by guiding the outcome in your favor. For now, get another refill and move your medications to a place where others will not be tempted to pick away at them. Klonopin does not appear to be an "high inducing" drug so it's odd that it was singled out. It takes a long time for it to "kick in" and wear off...so definitely not in the recreational drug category (although for an addict of other drugs, they're likely to try anything)
More on the psychological side, you'll need to convince your mind that this isn't a big deal, and more of a wake up call to restrict access to your medications. Repeat it to yourself over and over if necessary. I know the feeling you're describing..but don't worry, you'll get over it with a little time (and good anti-anxiety meds!). Good luck!
posted by samsara at 6:41 AM on August 3, 2011
More on the psychological side, you'll need to convince your mind that this isn't a big deal, and more of a wake up call to restrict access to your medications. Repeat it to yourself over and over if necessary. I know the feeling you're describing..but don't worry, you'll get over it with a little time (and good anti-anxiety meds!). Good luck!
posted by samsara at 6:41 AM on August 3, 2011
Samsara: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benzodiazepine_drug_misuse. It's common enough that it has a Wikipedia entry.
posted by The Michael The at 6:44 AM on August 3, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by The Michael The at 6:44 AM on August 3, 2011 [3 favorites]
Best answer: You may also want to seriously consider that it's someone you don't suspect at all. Drug addiction can surprise you (as can petty kleptomania.)
posted by endless_forms at 6:45 AM on August 3, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by endless_forms at 6:45 AM on August 3, 2011 [4 favorites]
The manipulative route: Is he the kind of guy that would respond well/regretfully/truthfully (or at least tellingly) to your bringing up in conversation "OMG, I'm kind of freaking out, I can't believe I must have taken drugs without realizing it, it's crazy, have you ever just had pills disappear, and I wasn't really supposed to take them anyway, and I mean, if I don't remember taking them, is it more likely I forgot it every day or that I accidentally took 10 at once and blanked it out, what am I supposed to do?????? OMG!!!!!"
posted by aimedwander at 6:48 AM on August 3, 2011
posted by aimedwander at 6:48 AM on August 3, 2011
Best answer: There's no theoretical correct answer to this question. It depends on your relationship with this guy. I would ask him in a friendly way: "You didn't take them, did you?" Not accusingly, but conspiratorially, as if you could understand it even as you wish he didn't. Hard to do that if you're angry and feeling violated, but if you can empathize with him and his relationship to drugs, it's possible.
Or you can put a sign in your medicine chest "please don't take my drugs."
On preview, what endless_forms said.
posted by Obscure Reference at 6:49 AM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
Or you can put a sign in your medicine chest "please don't take my drugs."
On preview, what endless_forms said.
posted by Obscure Reference at 6:49 AM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
i totally get why you want to do this. But i don't think it'll work. The person will almost certainly lie, and you'll resent them and continue to be suspicious. Or, they'll tell the truth, and you'll get angry, and they'll get defensive. Either way, you don't win, and they don't really have a repercussions. So while i know satisfying your curiousity and desire to assign responsibility is strong, i think it'll just cause you more problems instead.
posted by Kololo at 6:50 AM on August 3, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by Kololo at 6:50 AM on August 3, 2011 [3 favorites]
Best answer: No matter what you do here, you're almost certainly not going to get a satisfactory result. Someone who steals psych meds from a friend who genuinely needs them is either an ass or an addict, and either way you're probably going to be lied to about what happened. Just take precautions in the future with your medication and chalk it up to a lesson learned.
posted by something something at 6:50 AM on August 3, 2011 [5 favorites]
posted by something something at 6:50 AM on August 3, 2011 [5 favorites]
"I'm pretty sure you took my pills and stole from me. You violated my trust. You're never welcome in my home or in my life again. Fuck off, you miserable bastard."
(Sorry. I've found that being nice to drug addicts never, ever works.)
posted by Melismata at 6:51 AM on August 3, 2011 [9 favorites]
(Sorry. I've found that being nice to drug addicts never, ever works.)
posted by Melismata at 6:51 AM on August 3, 2011 [9 favorites]
It's unlikely that you'll get satisfaction from confronting the person you think did it. If he didn't do it, and denies it, will you believe him? If he did do it, he will probably lie about, and will you know the difference between a lie and an honest denial? The best course is to hide your meds.
Some friends of ours recently went through something similar, although in their case, the culprit was horribly ashamed and confessed without being confronted - the drugs were old enough that they hadn't even thought to check how many pills were left, and would never have known that any were taken.
posted by rtha at 6:51 AM on August 3, 2011
Some friends of ours recently went through something similar, although in their case, the culprit was horribly ashamed and confessed without being confronted - the drugs were old enough that they hadn't even thought to check how many pills were left, and would never have known that any were taken.
posted by rtha at 6:51 AM on August 3, 2011
klonopin is a pretty sought after drug - i've been offered it many times from weed/xanax dealers. according to wikipedia, it's second on the list of "drugs that people take that get them to the ER"
posted by nadawi at 6:54 AM on August 3, 2011
posted by nadawi at 6:54 AM on August 3, 2011
Best answer: Unless you're certain that it was not a pharmacy error, you could start by querying it with the pharmacy. If you don't want to do that, I'd suggest letting it go this time.
The next thing I'd do would be to invite each of those three people over again, one at a time ideally, but if not, in the same combinations you invited them over in the first place.
Before they arrive, count your pills.
After they've left, count your pills.
posted by tel3path at 7:00 AM on August 3, 2011 [13 favorites]
The next thing I'd do would be to invite each of those three people over again, one at a time ideally, but if not, in the same combinations you invited them over in the first place.
Before they arrive, count your pills.
After they've left, count your pills.
posted by tel3path at 7:00 AM on August 3, 2011 [13 favorites]
My brother in law did this and my husband (his brother) confronted him. But he only did so after we had set him up and confirmed with certainty that he did it. He confessed.
Although we had suspected him in the past, we never confronted him earlier because he would have denied it and we would never know for sure. I too felt horribly violated by his actions but here's the kicker...
When he and I met for the first time after he confessed to my husband, although he initially said he was sorry, he lashed out and attacked me (verbally) when I asked what his intentions were on telling the rest of the family...long story. My point is that even if you have him dead to rights, he is an addict willing to steal from you and your confrontion will not end well.
I have to deal with it because he is family, but if he was just a friend, I would just drop him and be done with him. Nothing good will come of a confrontation and he will likely turn on you too.
memail me if you want to chat more.
posted by murrey at 7:07 AM on August 3, 2011 [3 favorites]
Although we had suspected him in the past, we never confronted him earlier because he would have denied it and we would never know for sure. I too felt horribly violated by his actions but here's the kicker...
When he and I met for the first time after he confessed to my husband, although he initially said he was sorry, he lashed out and attacked me (verbally) when I asked what his intentions were on telling the rest of the family...long story. My point is that even if you have him dead to rights, he is an addict willing to steal from you and your confrontion will not end well.
I have to deal with it because he is family, but if he was just a friend, I would just drop him and be done with him. Nothing good will come of a confrontation and he will likely turn on you too.
memail me if you want to chat more.
posted by murrey at 7:07 AM on August 3, 2011 [3 favorites]
Anyone who has visited your house/apartment and used your bathroom could be the thief. For all you know, the thief could have been a roommate's girlfriend/boyfriend that visited the house, it could have been a party guest, it could have been building maintenance, it could have been your neighbor, it could have been a roomate's parent, etc. All are equal possibilities given the evidence you have.
However, you'll most likely ruin relations with whomever you accuse, so don't go around accusing people based on your hunch.
You can kill two birds with one stone by announcing the theft to your roommates and asking them if they suspect anyone. This will let them know that you've discovered pills missing, but it also lets them know that you don't immediately suspect them, which will preserve your relations.
Next, move your pills somewhere safe and secure. You will probably never find out who stole those pills, but you can certainly prevent it from happening again.
posted by nikkorizz at 7:12 AM on August 3, 2011
However, you'll most likely ruin relations with whomever you accuse, so don't go around accusing people based on your hunch.
You can kill two birds with one stone by announcing the theft to your roommates and asking them if they suspect anyone. This will let them know that you've discovered pills missing, but it also lets them know that you don't immediately suspect them, which will preserve your relations.
Next, move your pills somewhere safe and secure. You will probably never find out who stole those pills, but you can certainly prevent it from happening again.
posted by nikkorizz at 7:12 AM on August 3, 2011
Best answer: I agree with the comments that you might want to let it go this time since you are not sure of what occured. In the future count the pills yourself and find a more secure location to store them when friends come over. I am a very organized person, but even I misplace things.
posted by BuffaloChickenWing at 7:13 AM on August 3, 2011
posted by BuffaloChickenWing at 7:13 AM on August 3, 2011
Response by poster: You may also want to seriously consider that it's someone you don't suspect at all. Drug addiction can surprise you (as can petty kleptomania.)
So out of the three people who have been in my house in the past month (apart from my boyfriend, who has his own supply and would ask for mine if he was in dire need), it could either be:
1. the guy who was over once for a barbeque a couple weeks ago. I've known him for a long time and do not think it was him.
2. the guy i mentioned in my question. I've known him for a long time, i'm decent friends with him (he's one of my better friends, but I'm probably not one of his) and know he does drugs recreationally often. Other than that I've never known any significant flaws in his moral character. he was over for the barbeque, and last night.
3. my boyfriend's new-ish good guy friend, whom I dislike and don't trust, and neither of us can "figure out" - he tells outrageous stories often, and is potentially a pathological liar. this is not the guy i immediately thought did it, but i don't know him well. he is over about every week to hang out. (this is probably an askme question in itself.) I'm not on "texting level" with him so anything I do would have to be through my boyfriend.
thanks for the advice. the more i think about it it's likely to be either 2 or 3. i may say something to both of them. what i really want to do is not have either of them over anymore. not necessarily tell them so, but just not actively invite them. this is ridiculous, right? but I really don't want these people in my house anymore if they're potentially going to steal from me.
unfortunately i can't get more of the pills now so I just have to hope i don't need them. I'm pissed that someone may have compromised my anxiety emergency backup plan though. a potential thing to do might be to ask 2 or 3, "hey someone took my pills, i really need one right now, do you have any?" I don't think i would actually do that though.
posted by sarahj at 7:15 AM on August 3, 2011
So out of the three people who have been in my house in the past month (apart from my boyfriend, who has his own supply and would ask for mine if he was in dire need), it could either be:
1. the guy who was over once for a barbeque a couple weeks ago. I've known him for a long time and do not think it was him.
2. the guy i mentioned in my question. I've known him for a long time, i'm decent friends with him (he's one of my better friends, but I'm probably not one of his) and know he does drugs recreationally often. Other than that I've never known any significant flaws in his moral character. he was over for the barbeque, and last night.
3. my boyfriend's new-ish good guy friend, whom I dislike and don't trust, and neither of us can "figure out" - he tells outrageous stories often, and is potentially a pathological liar. this is not the guy i immediately thought did it, but i don't know him well. he is over about every week to hang out. (this is probably an askme question in itself.) I'm not on "texting level" with him so anything I do would have to be through my boyfriend.
thanks for the advice. the more i think about it it's likely to be either 2 or 3. i may say something to both of them. what i really want to do is not have either of them over anymore. not necessarily tell them so, but just not actively invite them. this is ridiculous, right? but I really don't want these people in my house anymore if they're potentially going to steal from me.
unfortunately i can't get more of the pills now so I just have to hope i don't need them. I'm pissed that someone may have compromised my anxiety emergency backup plan though. a potential thing to do might be to ask 2 or 3, "hey someone took my pills, i really need one right now, do you have any?" I don't think i would actually do that though.
posted by sarahj at 7:15 AM on August 3, 2011
Response by poster: I don't think I'm going to do any dramatic confrontations, but I really appreciate the advice here. I may just count them extra times before and after I have people over. I'm tempted to do a conspiratorial message a la "someone took my pills, any idea if it was X?" most likely not though. Thanks everyone.
posted by sarahj at 7:22 AM on August 3, 2011
posted by sarahj at 7:22 AM on August 3, 2011
In any case, pills shouldn't be stored in your bathroom in the future -- not to ward off potential thieves, but because the heat and humidity caused by the shower can cause drugs to break down.
posted by k8lin at 7:30 AM on August 3, 2011 [5 favorites]
posted by k8lin at 7:30 AM on August 3, 2011 [5 favorites]
Yeah, as others have said, someone who would steal from you in your own house while alleging to be your friend is not someone who is likely to admit to having done so when confronted. tel3path's suggestion is a good one, but realize that this means you may lose more medication to some asshole.
The least confrontational way to solve this is to hide your medication somewhere that visitors would not have access to as easily, or somewhere that it would be immediately suspicious if visitors were lingering.
It might be interesting to attach one of those keychain "hotel burglar alarm" things to the inside of your medicine chest and see who sets it off.
posted by elizardbits at 7:32 AM on August 3, 2011 [4 favorites]
The least confrontational way to solve this is to hide your medication somewhere that visitors would not have access to as easily, or somewhere that it would be immediately suspicious if visitors were lingering.
It might be interesting to attach one of those keychain "hotel burglar alarm" things to the inside of your medicine chest and see who sets it off.
posted by elizardbits at 7:32 AM on August 3, 2011 [4 favorites]
Response by poster: a friend suggests leaving things in the same location and putting sugar pills in the klonopin jar and checking to see if they go missing. would those look anything like klonopin? heh.
posted by sarahj at 7:37 AM on August 3, 2011
posted by sarahj at 7:37 AM on August 3, 2011
The last two people on your list don't sound like people worth knowing. Go ahead and silently ban them both from your home.
(I'm sorry, but people who do lots of recreational drugs, IME, are usually untrustworthy. Ditto people who make up stories. Ban them because you have anxiety issues and you need to be picky about who you welcome into your life. You'd be surprised what getting rid of sketchy friends will do for your anxiety levels, BTW)
Sadly, it's true you'll likely never know how stole from you. I'm sorry you are experiencing this. I hope something positive comes out of it.
posted by jbenben at 7:39 AM on August 3, 2011 [3 favorites]
(I'm sorry, but people who do lots of recreational drugs, IME, are usually untrustworthy. Ditto people who make up stories. Ban them because you have anxiety issues and you need to be picky about who you welcome into your life. You'd be surprised what getting rid of sketchy friends will do for your anxiety levels, BTW)
Sadly, it's true you'll likely never know how stole from you. I'm sorry you are experiencing this. I hope something positive comes out of it.
posted by jbenben at 7:39 AM on August 3, 2011 [3 favorites]
1. Put your meds in a lockbox and move to a new location. A high kitchen cabinet is good - usually there is a lot of traffic in the kitchen and no one is going to rummage in the far off cabinets. Your house may vary.
2 (optional). Take the now-empty cardboard box and cut a large rectangle out of the bottom of it, but still leave a slight lip so it looks the same on the shelf. Replace it on the shelf. Fill with marbles. Wait.
posted by mikepop at 7:43 AM on August 3, 2011 [21 favorites]
2 (optional). Take the now-empty cardboard box and cut a large rectangle out of the bottom of it, but still leave a slight lip so it looks the same on the shelf. Replace it on the shelf. Fill with marbles. Wait.
posted by mikepop at 7:43 AM on August 3, 2011 [21 favorites]
Best answer: a friend suggests leaving things in the same location and putting sugar pills in the klonopin jar and checking to see if they go missing. would those look anything like klonopin?
My BIL that I mentioned above definitely knew the difference between the drug he wanted and the others that were mixed into the pill bottle labeled antibiotics (the details are in my linked question above). Some of the other drugs in that bottle were the exact same size and color but he only took the hydrocodone.
I was willing to sacrifice the pain pills I put in the bottle just to make sure it was him. Unless you are willing to do the same, I don't think a sugar pill sting will work. They seem to know the markings.
posted by murrey at 7:46 AM on August 3, 2011
My BIL that I mentioned above definitely knew the difference between the drug he wanted and the others that were mixed into the pill bottle labeled antibiotics (the details are in my linked question above). Some of the other drugs in that bottle were the exact same size and color but he only took the hydrocodone.
I was willing to sacrifice the pain pills I put in the bottle just to make sure it was him. Unless you are willing to do the same, I don't think a sugar pill sting will work. They seem to know the markings.
posted by murrey at 7:46 AM on August 3, 2011
Cutting out addicts, especially sneaky pill heads, is the only thing that I've ever seen work.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 7:51 AM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 7:51 AM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
I would be careful about going to the pharmacy to check for a pharmacy error. That's essentially asking for more of a frequently-abused drug, and could look like "drug-seeking behavior" to a pharmacist you have to deal with regularly.
Since it sounds like you have to fill scripts on a regular basis, you don't want to get into a situation where your usual pharmacy makes that more difficult to do. Probably easier to just wait until you need another script and then get one from your doctor. (Do explain to your doctor what's happened, so he/she doesn't think your need for anti-anxiety meds has suddenly gone way up.)
posted by Wylla at 7:59 AM on August 3, 2011 [4 favorites]
Since it sounds like you have to fill scripts on a regular basis, you don't want to get into a situation where your usual pharmacy makes that more difficult to do. Probably easier to just wait until you need another script and then get one from your doctor. (Do explain to your doctor what's happened, so he/she doesn't think your need for anti-anxiety meds has suddenly gone way up.)
posted by Wylla at 7:59 AM on August 3, 2011 [4 favorites]
This one problem is actually a bunch of problems.
1. You're short of meds. If you can't raise this with the pharmacy and/or get them the usual way, maybe you can borrow some from your bf.
2. You don't trust two out of the three people you named. They sound untrustworthy, so silent banning will solve the problem of mixing with untrustworthy people.
3. Having banned two of the people who could (possibly) have stolen from you, there is a theoretical possibility that one of the others is actually the culprit. You can solve this problem by inviting them over again and leaving a honey-trap.
I think unless you address all three parts of the problem you won't feel quite right. Part of what's horrible about this is the broken trust. If it turns out to be one of the ones you didn't suspect, that really sucks and you will have to deal with the horribleness of having one more friend you don't trust, while the other two won't have become more trustworthy as a result. But at least you won't be silently harboring false accusations against them.. However, if I suspected any of my friends I would prefer to know for sure.
From the other side of this, it would be awful if one of my friends suspected me of something like this (not that they're likely to, but) and we fell out over it without my ever knowing what was wrong. Fortunately those two guys sound like they deserve to be fallen out with for plenty of other reasons.
posted by tel3path at 8:00 AM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
1. You're short of meds. If you can't raise this with the pharmacy and/or get them the usual way, maybe you can borrow some from your bf.
2. You don't trust two out of the three people you named. They sound untrustworthy, so silent banning will solve the problem of mixing with untrustworthy people.
3. Having banned two of the people who could (possibly) have stolen from you, there is a theoretical possibility that one of the others is actually the culprit. You can solve this problem by inviting them over again and leaving a honey-trap.
I think unless you address all three parts of the problem you won't feel quite right. Part of what's horrible about this is the broken trust. If it turns out to be one of the ones you didn't suspect, that really sucks and you will have to deal with the horribleness of having one more friend you don't trust, while the other two won't have become more trustworthy as a result. But at least you won't be silently harboring false accusations against them.. However, if I suspected any of my friends I would prefer to know for sure.
From the other side of this, it would be awful if one of my friends suspected me of something like this (not that they're likely to, but) and we fell out over it without my ever knowing what was wrong. Fortunately those two guys sound like they deserve to be fallen out with for plenty of other reasons.
posted by tel3path at 8:00 AM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
Best answer: You should ask friend 2 straight out if he took the pills. He doesn't sound like a raging addict, and may admit it if he did. Klonopin does have recreational and street value, but it's minor, and s casual drug user would know that and maybe think you would consider it no big deal for him to snag a few, especially if he didn't realize the script was only for ten.
I think it might be more likely guy number three. He sounds like he is trouble, and it might be worth it to find out if he did take the pills...especially as that would give you a concrete reason to ask your boyfriend not to invite him over again. I recommend setting a trap like others have mentioned, maybe with fake similar looking pills. I doubt he'd tell the truth unless caught red-handed.
And FWIW, Klonopin is not really a drug of addiction. Recreationally, it gives a kind of relaxed, drunk feeling. It is actually physically addictive, but the kind of people that would steal it probably aren't doing it because they're in withdrawal. I get a script of 90 Klonopin a month, which I rarely take, so I would never notice if someone took any, and would prolly give them to someone who asked, but I know I would also be upset to find someone was stealing from me.. I think it's worth it for peace of mind to try and figure out who did it.. If it was friend two, I'd talk it over with him and tell him it wasn't cool. If it was guy three, who you already don't like, that's a reason to ban him
posted by catatethebird at 8:26 AM on August 3, 2011
I think it might be more likely guy number three. He sounds like he is trouble, and it might be worth it to find out if he did take the pills...especially as that would give you a concrete reason to ask your boyfriend not to invite him over again. I recommend setting a trap like others have mentioned, maybe with fake similar looking pills. I doubt he'd tell the truth unless caught red-handed.
And FWIW, Klonopin is not really a drug of addiction. Recreationally, it gives a kind of relaxed, drunk feeling. It is actually physically addictive, but the kind of people that would steal it probably aren't doing it because they're in withdrawal. I get a script of 90 Klonopin a month, which I rarely take, so I would never notice if someone took any, and would prolly give them to someone who asked, but I know I would also be upset to find someone was stealing from me.. I think it's worth it for peace of mind to try and figure out who did it.. If it was friend two, I'd talk it over with him and tell him it wasn't cool. If it was guy three, who you already don't like, that's a reason to ban him
posted by catatethebird at 8:26 AM on August 3, 2011
I wouldn't accuse anyone, because you can really never guess who took them. People addicted to pharmaceutical drugs are often people you never suspect, and it may very well be the least likely person that you're totally sure didn't take them.
It sucks that you're in this position, because someone stole from you and that always stinks. I would just hide them better, or if you wanted to do SOMETHING, maybe you could conduct a sting operation and put fake pills in a bottle and invite people over, but that would mostly just satisfy your own curiosity.
posted by katypickle at 8:48 AM on August 3, 2011
It sucks that you're in this position, because someone stole from you and that always stinks. I would just hide them better, or if you wanted to do SOMETHING, maybe you could conduct a sting operation and put fake pills in a bottle and invite people over, but that would mostly just satisfy your own curiosity.
posted by katypickle at 8:48 AM on August 3, 2011
Best answer: A guy that you don't know well who makes up stories has been hanging out in your house, and he wasn't the first person you suspected?
Your friend #2 seems an odd person to suspect. He's been a decent friend and you've found him to be a moral person, but the fact of his recreational drug use (about which he's been open enough that you're aware of it) completely trumps that?
Which of these people has something to lose if caught? Meanwhile, check with your boyfriend to make sure he didn't borrow them or spill them or something.
what i really want to do is not have either of them over anymore. not necessarily tell them so, but just not actively invite them. this is ridiculous, right? but I really don't want these people in my house anymore if they're potentially going to steal from me.
No, this isn't a good solution. Anyone could potentially steal from you. And imagine how you'd feel if you had a friend who suddenly went out of their way to keep you from being in their home?
posted by desuetude at 8:52 AM on August 3, 2011 [7 favorites]
Your friend #2 seems an odd person to suspect. He's been a decent friend and you've found him to be a moral person, but the fact of his recreational drug use (about which he's been open enough that you're aware of it) completely trumps that?
Which of these people has something to lose if caught? Meanwhile, check with your boyfriend to make sure he didn't borrow them or spill them or something.
what i really want to do is not have either of them over anymore. not necessarily tell them so, but just not actively invite them. this is ridiculous, right? but I really don't want these people in my house anymore if they're potentially going to steal from me.
No, this isn't a good solution. Anyone could potentially steal from you. And imagine how you'd feel if you had a friend who suddenly went out of their way to keep you from being in their home?
posted by desuetude at 8:52 AM on August 3, 2011 [7 favorites]
Yeah, gotta say that out of your descriptions, '#3 - shitty guy you don't trust' is the one more likely to have done a shitty untrustworthy thing. 'Person who enjoys drugs' is not synonymous with 'shitty stealing scumbag', especially considering that aside from 'likes drugs', #2 seems to have your favor in friendship.
I am a recreational drug user, and I endorse this message.
posted by FatherDagon at 9:01 AM on August 3, 2011 [14 favorites]
I am a recreational drug user, and I endorse this message.
posted by FatherDagon at 9:01 AM on August 3, 2011 [14 favorites]
You could put sugar pills (or something similarly benign) in the bottle but not use that in itself as the trap...instead, take a picture of the exact placement and rotation of the bottle in the cabinet...make a small mark with a pen if necessary. Then, take note of who visits..and reference the bottle to the picture after each visit to see if it was moved. Once you identify who is touching your pill bottles...you'll have a much better case for making sure they are never in the house again. (unfortunately you will not be able to figure it out easily this time around unless you're good with fingerprint lifting)
It's common enough that it has a Wikipedia entry.
Yeah, definitely an addictive substance...I really should have worded my first response better..but thanks for pointing that out...it was my fault for not explaining what I meant by it's "high" not being the reason it's sought after. From what I understand, this drug in particular is one of the slower and weaker benzo's to get anything off of right away. And reading more about it...the misuse does not appear to stem from the drug itself being sought out for its immediate effects as much as it is to help regulate withdraw symptoms from other addictive drugs. (alcohol, heroin, cocaine, vicodin etc.) So I'd assume anyone that's already into recreational drugs would know that benzodiazepine is what they'd look for to stave off that full effect of crashing.
posted by samsara at 9:03 AM on August 3, 2011
It's common enough that it has a Wikipedia entry.
Yeah, definitely an addictive substance...I really should have worded my first response better..but thanks for pointing that out...it was my fault for not explaining what I meant by it's "high" not being the reason it's sought after. From what I understand, this drug in particular is one of the slower and weaker benzo's to get anything off of right away. And reading more about it...the misuse does not appear to stem from the drug itself being sought out for its immediate effects as much as it is to help regulate withdraw symptoms from other addictive drugs. (alcohol, heroin, cocaine, vicodin etc.) So I'd assume anyone that's already into recreational drugs would know that benzodiazepine is what they'd look for to stave off that full effect of crashing.
posted by samsara at 9:03 AM on August 3, 2011
You could have three conversations along the lines of "This is a weird question, but do you, uh, do you ever enjoy taking pills? Because I just noticed I was missing some pills, and I only just now noticed because I, like, hardly ever take them, and I don't know who took them, but apparently somebody likes them a lot more than I do! Ha ha. So I was thinking I may as well just give them to somebody who would use and enjoy them..."
You won't actually give them away, of course; you'll just be trying to suss out which one of your friends would take pills for fun. I'm thinking the Klonopin-stealing-type would be all over the offer of "free pills," even unspecified "free pills."
posted by kmennie at 9:16 AM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
You won't actually give them away, of course; you'll just be trying to suss out which one of your friends would take pills for fun. I'm thinking the Klonopin-stealing-type would be all over the offer of "free pills," even unspecified "free pills."
posted by kmennie at 9:16 AM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
my own second hand experience (which is backed up by erowid) is that people take klonopin for a lot more than just staving of withdrawal. like xanax, it's a good mixer - little weed, little booze, little benzo.
posted by nadawi at 9:21 AM on August 3, 2011
posted by nadawi at 9:21 AM on August 3, 2011
"I'm pretty sure you took my pills and stole from me. You violated my trust. You're never welcome in my home or in my life again. Fuck off, you miserable bastard."
That's all very well as long as you're absolutely certain who took the pills, like you caught them red-handed, say. 'Pretty sure' does not necessitate such strong language. OP did not see anyone stealing these pills. To be aggressive towards someone you're 'pretty sure' took your pills, without proof, would be a bit dickish imo.
YMMV, OP, but while I hate confrontation and can be quite shy, I'm pretty open about medical stuff, including meds for depression or anxiety. So I wouldn't mind anyone knowing what I was taking for anything. And I'd say, to every group of friends/acquaintances/colleagues I was with over the next couple of weeks: You'll never guess what happened! Someone actually *stole* some of my medication from my cabinet! Like, *my* medication, that I *need* every day! Can you believe that! Like, who would be SUCH A DRUG ADDICT that they'd be compelled to do something like that? Wow, that's sad. ::shakes head::
I wouldn't even do it to try and catch the person out. But at some point in some group you tell this story to, especially when everyone rightly chimes in what a dick the person is, there's going to be one person very uncomfortable. And then you can silently snigger.
Others have pointed out that you can get the script filled. It's a hassle, yes. But so much better to have a bit of hassle even though you shouldn't have it, than to be a sad idiot rooting around and stealing from someone's drug cupboard.
posted by mudkicker at 9:57 AM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
That's all very well as long as you're absolutely certain who took the pills, like you caught them red-handed, say. 'Pretty sure' does not necessitate such strong language. OP did not see anyone stealing these pills. To be aggressive towards someone you're 'pretty sure' took your pills, without proof, would be a bit dickish imo.
YMMV, OP, but while I hate confrontation and can be quite shy, I'm pretty open about medical stuff, including meds for depression or anxiety. So I wouldn't mind anyone knowing what I was taking for anything. And I'd say, to every group of friends/acquaintances/colleagues I was with over the next couple of weeks: You'll never guess what happened! Someone actually *stole* some of my medication from my cabinet! Like, *my* medication, that I *need* every day! Can you believe that! Like, who would be SUCH A DRUG ADDICT that they'd be compelled to do something like that? Wow, that's sad. ::shakes head::
I wouldn't even do it to try and catch the person out. But at some point in some group you tell this story to, especially when everyone rightly chimes in what a dick the person is, there's going to be one person very uncomfortable. And then you can silently snigger.
Others have pointed out that you can get the script filled. It's a hassle, yes. But so much better to have a bit of hassle even though you shouldn't have it, than to be a sad idiot rooting around and stealing from someone's drug cupboard.
posted by mudkicker at 9:57 AM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
The problem with confrontation is that if they say "No, I didn't take them," you're no better off than before you asked: you either trust that they're not lying or you suspect that they are, but either way you still don't know for sure. Someone sneaky enough to take them in the first place isn't likely to fess up just from being asked.
posted by juv3nal at 10:26 AM on August 3, 2011
posted by juv3nal at 10:26 AM on August 3, 2011
Response by poster: if they say "No, I didn't take them," you're no better off than before you asked
I knoooow and I'm debating whether to send a message I have all typed out that goes "hey, x is missing, you didn't happen to grab any did you? i don't mind if you did, i'm just wondering where they could be, I need em and can't get any more". but i don't want to screw things up beyond repair with my friend by making him think I'm accusing him. RRGH
posted by sarahj at 10:34 AM on August 3, 2011
I knoooow and I'm debating whether to send a message I have all typed out that goes "hey, x is missing, you didn't happen to grab any did you? i don't mind if you did, i'm just wondering where they could be, I need em and can't get any more". but i don't want to screw things up beyond repair with my friend by making him think I'm accusing him. RRGH
posted by sarahj at 10:34 AM on August 3, 2011
Right - there's no way to win this. If you say "I don't mind...", not only is that a lie, but if he did take them, he will assume, correctly, that this is license to take them in the future. Someone who steals from you and doesn't voluntarily 'fess up is extremely unlikely to do so when asked/accused, and whether he did it or not, he will take offense. Then there will be drama. How much drama do you want in your life?
posted by rtha at 10:47 AM on August 3, 2011
posted by rtha at 10:47 AM on August 3, 2011
Best answer: If your friend texts back "yes, I took them," is that a dumpworthy offense to you? (It would be to me.) If it is, then you should be really really sure before you accuse anyone. If someone wrongfully accused me of taking their drugs, I'd dump them as a friend. If you're asking him, you're accusing him. Don't play this passive-aggressive "I'm not accusing you but I just wondered if you knew anything" game.
Just lock them up, don't invite guy #3 over anymore, and keep your eye on guy #2.
posted by desjardins at 11:51 AM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
Just lock them up, don't invite guy #3 over anymore, and keep your eye on guy #2.
posted by desjardins at 11:51 AM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
I love the marbles idea, also the alarm on the cabinet door. Get your medications out of there first of course but then you will KNOW who took the drugs.
Marbles. Alarms. You metafilter folks are just so cool.
posted by dancestoblue at 12:14 PM on August 3, 2011
Marbles. Alarms. You metafilter folks are just so cool.
posted by dancestoblue at 12:14 PM on August 3, 2011
I don't think you even need to lock them up. Put them in a dresser drawer with your clothes or in one of the upper kitchen cabinets. Steeling from your bathroom cabinet is crime of opportunity. Its probably the only time they can expect privacy in your home behind a locked door.
I'm sorry this happened though it must be really upsetting.
posted by SpaceWarp13 at 12:25 PM on August 3, 2011
I'm sorry this happened though it must be really upsetting.
posted by SpaceWarp13 at 12:25 PM on August 3, 2011
I know a prescription drug addict who is the type to go through your medicine cabinets when you aren't looking and steal all kinds of pills from friends, family, and acquaintances. She's also an otherwise morally upstanding role model - and a grandmother to boot. Be careful about assumptions.
My experience is that an addict will lie, either out of malevolence or deep shame. Confrontation didn't work until there was total proof. Trying to draw the confession out never worked (they'll just go along and say, "Yes it's terrible someone would take your pills" or "Are you sure you counted them right?")
If I were you, I'd want to find out who did it so I could ban them from my home and break off the friendship to let them know how their actions have consequences. I like the earlier ideas - put fake pills in it and take pictures of the bottle and find out if it's moved. It's not too unusual for a guest to open a bathroom cabinet looking for bandaids or similar stuff, but there should be no reason for someone to touch your medicine. However, it might be a long time before the thief attempts it again.
posted by subject_verb_remainder at 12:41 PM on August 3, 2011 [2 favorites]
My experience is that an addict will lie, either out of malevolence or deep shame. Confrontation didn't work until there was total proof. Trying to draw the confession out never worked (they'll just go along and say, "Yes it's terrible someone would take your pills" or "Are you sure you counted them right?")
If I were you, I'd want to find out who did it so I could ban them from my home and break off the friendship to let them know how their actions have consequences. I like the earlier ideas - put fake pills in it and take pictures of the bottle and find out if it's moved. It's not too unusual for a guest to open a bathroom cabinet looking for bandaids or similar stuff, but there should be no reason for someone to touch your medicine. However, it might be a long time before the thief attempts it again.
posted by subject_verb_remainder at 12:41 PM on August 3, 2011 [2 favorites]
There are two things of which we can be sure:
1. You're never getting those pills back. They have long since been swallowed or sold.
2. You will never get a confession from the thief. I mean, that's the thing about thieves. They aren't very moral or upstanding about things like that. They tend to lie to cover up their crimes.
You have learned some valuable life lessons from this incident:
1. People steal stuff.
2. Drugs shouldn't be kept in the bathroom where they can easily be stolen.
3. Not everyone is worthy of your trust.
I got a chuckle out of the marbles idea, but it's ultimately a bit silly. What are you going to do next? Leap into the bathroom and yell "J'accuse!" while pointing your finger in a menacing fashion? Pin him to the floor while phoning the police?
And who's to say the thief won't go after something else next time? Filching change out of a change jar, jewelry from an unattended jewelry box, or cash from your purse?
I think you'll have to grit your teeth and walk away from this one. But I'd definitely stop inviting #2 and #3 over to your home, since you suspect them of stealing. Instead, meet them for dinner, movies, picnics in the park, and other off-site locations.
posted by ErikaB at 1:12 PM on August 3, 2011
1. You're never getting those pills back. They have long since been swallowed or sold.
2. You will never get a confession from the thief. I mean, that's the thing about thieves. They aren't very moral or upstanding about things like that. They tend to lie to cover up their crimes.
You have learned some valuable life lessons from this incident:
1. People steal stuff.
2. Drugs shouldn't be kept in the bathroom where they can easily be stolen.
3. Not everyone is worthy of your trust.
I got a chuckle out of the marbles idea, but it's ultimately a bit silly. What are you going to do next? Leap into the bathroom and yell "J'accuse!" while pointing your finger in a menacing fashion? Pin him to the floor while phoning the police?
And who's to say the thief won't go after something else next time? Filching change out of a change jar, jewelry from an unattended jewelry box, or cash from your purse?
I think you'll have to grit your teeth and walk away from this one. But I'd definitely stop inviting #2 and #3 over to your home, since you suspect them of stealing. Instead, meet them for dinner, movies, picnics in the park, and other off-site locations.
posted by ErikaB at 1:12 PM on August 3, 2011
I've taken anxiety pills from people's bathrooms before when I house/dog sat for them. Multiple houses, multiple people. I took them to see what would happen because I was bored, and because I generally like altering my mind. I really did care about the people and the pets and all, so much so I got references and compliments on the tidiness of the houses when they came back. I'm just telling you this so you don't take it so personally. It's not really about you.
I also don't think this person is necessarily an addict, maybe has addictive tendencies, but stealing some Klonopin does not scream "junkie" to me or whatever.
posted by amodelcitizen at 1:15 PM on August 3, 2011
I also don't think this person is necessarily an addict, maybe has addictive tendencies, but stealing some Klonopin does not scream "junkie" to me or whatever.
posted by amodelcitizen at 1:15 PM on August 3, 2011
Leap into the bathroom and yell "J'accuse!" while pointing your finger in a menacing fashion?
Do not discount the singular pleasure of such actions for they are glorious.
posted by elizardbits at 2:30 PM on August 3, 2011 [5 favorites]
Do not discount the singular pleasure of such actions for they are glorious.
posted by elizardbits at 2:30 PM on August 3, 2011 [5 favorites]
The marbles idea could embarrass someone looking for a tampon or bandaid or other innocent item, however, depending on the layout of your medicine cabinet.
also, this bit about cutting addicts off or confronting them being the only thing that helps: not supported by research at all. first of all, that can backfire by leaving them with nowhere to turn and therefore getting them deeper into addict life. second of all, being kind and empathetic is more likely to help get them help and it doesn't have that potential side effect if it doesn't work.
of course, if someone is stealing from you or otherwise being an asshole, feel free to cut them off for that. but don't flatter yourself by thinking this "helps" them.
posted by Maias at 3:23 PM on August 3, 2011
also, this bit about cutting addicts off or confronting them being the only thing that helps: not supported by research at all. first of all, that can backfire by leaving them with nowhere to turn and therefore getting them deeper into addict life. second of all, being kind and empathetic is more likely to help get them help and it doesn't have that potential side effect if it doesn't work.
of course, if someone is stealing from you or otherwise being an asshole, feel free to cut them off for that. but don't flatter yourself by thinking this "helps" them.
posted by Maias at 3:23 PM on August 3, 2011
Best answer: Some bad advice here: you have no idea if you are dealing with "addicts". Recreational drug users, despite the reefer madness nonsense offered above, are not automatically thieves and liars.
Most importantly, you have no idea what happened. There are 4 suspects (yes, your boyfriend counts), and no evidence whatsoever. Your inclination to suspect one im particular is based upon nothing more than bias against drug use- you do not even state that he is an addict.
Go ahead an accuse someone if you want, but there's probably a 25% chance you'll look insane. Move your dugs out of the bathroom. Talk to your boyfriend about how you don't like his friend. Let this go.
posted by spaltavian at 3:31 PM on August 3, 2011 [2 favorites]
Most importantly, you have no idea what happened. There are 4 suspects (yes, your boyfriend counts), and no evidence whatsoever. Your inclination to suspect one im particular is based upon nothing more than bias against drug use- you do not even state that he is an addict.
Go ahead an accuse someone if you want, but there's probably a 25% chance you'll look insane. Move your dugs out of the bathroom. Talk to your boyfriend about how you don't like his friend. Let this go.
posted by spaltavian at 3:31 PM on August 3, 2011 [2 favorites]
I'd take the pills out of the bottle (put them somewhere safe), put something in the bottle that will make noise like pills and I'd add a little note. Something about how "I know you took my pills. I'm hurt that you couldn't ask and because now I don't have what I need. I hope you get the help you need, but you won't be getting anymore pills from me."
Ok, that was long, but you get the idea. At least you can get a little anger out of your system and if they should ever try again they'll be busted, or at the very least, embarrassed by their actions.
posted by NoraCharles at 4:53 PM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
Ok, that was long, but you get the idea. At least you can get a little anger out of your system and if they should ever try again they'll be busted, or at the very least, embarrassed by their actions.
posted by NoraCharles at 4:53 PM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
The marbles idea could embarrass someone looking for a tampon or bandaid or other innocent item, however, depending on the layout of your medicine cabinet.
Maybe I'm just weird, but I don't think that anyone has any business rooting through someone else's storage for any reason. If they need something they should ask their host and/or hostess, not go on an independent search.
The marbles idea seems like a fine plan to me in that at least you'll know whom among your guests doesn't know how to mind their own business.
posted by winna at 5:04 PM on August 3, 2011
Maybe I'm just weird, but I don't think that anyone has any business rooting through someone else's storage for any reason. If they need something they should ask their host and/or hostess, not go on an independent search.
The marbles idea seems like a fine plan to me in that at least you'll know whom among your guests doesn't know how to mind their own business.
posted by winna at 5:04 PM on August 3, 2011
Best answer: You mention you can't get more of the pills if you were to need them... Why is that? 10 pills in a month is hardly excessive, and if you're out of insurance or something, cash price at the pharmacy is not very much for generic clonazepam. But you haven't used any of them, so I would wait and see if you use any of the three you have left before calling the doctor to get more.
And yes, do NOT keep pills in your bathroom. Besides the fact that some people will look in the medicine cabinet (they just do!), humidity can cause any number of problems in the way the pills dissolve in your body or degrade, etc.
posted by eldiem at 9:03 PM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
And yes, do NOT keep pills in your bathroom. Besides the fact that some people will look in the medicine cabinet (they just do!), humidity can cause any number of problems in the way the pills dissolve in your body or degrade, etc.
posted by eldiem at 9:03 PM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
Best answer: you have no idea if you are dealing with "addicts". Recreational drug users, despite the reefer madness nonsense offered above, are not automatically thieves and liars.
but we do agree that the person who stole the pills is a thief, a liar (by omission), and someone who would do that isn't just a recreational user, yeah? i mean, i smoke weed every single day. i have done a lot of xanax. i used to drop acid. i've been around the recreational use of most drugs you can name. i have never stolen drugs, especially psych meds, especially from my friends, especially not 70% of their supply. that raises anyone from recreational to a serious drug problem.*
*or they're just a klepto. either way, they're off the friend roster.
posted by nadawi at 5:47 AM on August 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
but we do agree that the person who stole the pills is a thief, a liar (by omission), and someone who would do that isn't just a recreational user, yeah? i mean, i smoke weed every single day. i have done a lot of xanax. i used to drop acid. i've been around the recreational use of most drugs you can name. i have never stolen drugs, especially psych meds, especially from my friends, especially not 70% of their supply. that raises anyone from recreational to a serious drug problem.*
*or they're just a klepto. either way, they're off the friend roster.
posted by nadawi at 5:47 AM on August 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Something I just thought of this morning - what if there is more than one thief? On the one hand if someone is an addict they aren't thinking things through all the time, but on the other hand taking 7 out of 10 pills is not exactly a stealth move. But if thief #1 took a few, then thief #2 took a few and then next time thief #1 took just one more ...
posted by mikepop at 5:59 AM on August 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by mikepop at 5:59 AM on August 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Maybe I'm just weird, but I don't think that anyone has any business rooting through someone else's storage for any reason. If they need something they should ask their host and/or hostess, not go on an independent search.
Sure, you're totally correct, but since most people have peeked into someone else's medicine cabinet for one reason or another, a humiliating trap seems like a bit of overkill. Besides, it has a high backfire factor for the OP or her boyfriend, should they sleepily grab for a neighboring item in the cabinet.
Seconding nadawi -- to steal 70% of someone's prescription psych meds you either need to be a serious addict, or totally not give a fuck about the person for whom the drugs are prescribed.
posted by desuetude at 10:34 PM on August 4, 2011
Sure, you're totally correct, but since most people have peeked into someone else's medicine cabinet for one reason or another, a humiliating trap seems like a bit of overkill. Besides, it has a high backfire factor for the OP or her boyfriend, should they sleepily grab for a neighboring item in the cabinet.
Seconding nadawi -- to steal 70% of someone's prescription psych meds you either need to be a serious addict, or totally not give a fuck about the person for whom the drugs are prescribed.
posted by desuetude at 10:34 PM on August 4, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
i also struggle with anxiety and depression and i understand feeling violated over this. try to keep in mind that if this guy is an addict, he's done far worse to people he loves far more. this isn't about you, it's about him.
as an aside, in the future, you should probably lock up your meds (a simple lockbox from walmart is 10 bucks). it's lame that you'd have to do that, but pharmacy drug addiction is incredibly wide spread and a lot of the non-obvious addicts get drugs in exactly that way.
posted by nadawi at 6:35 AM on August 3, 2011 [18 favorites]