Socially inept and thankless

July 28, 2011 4:18 PM

Fix me: I'm a jerk! After 8 years at my work place, today was my last day. I didn't expect any gifts. A "party/lunch" was to happen after our morning work period, but due to extenuating circumstances (namely a huge leak causing damage) the party/lunch didn't occur. Instead I was given my gift/cards intermittently between cleaning up. I was gifted a nicely wrapped present with three cards on it. I opened the first card and written in it was a heartfelt message, I put it as well as the others aside, knowing that if I read them, I would probably cry. Turns out, one of them contained a generous gift card. I feel awful for not opening and properly thanking the givers in front of them. Of course I'll write them a nice thank you note, but should I call or email them now and explain myself?
posted by JacksonandFinch to Human Relations (11 answers total)

In your thank-you cards, which should be sent promptly, I would express yourself there. Gush about how much it meant to you and how thankful you are that they would do something like that for. Let them know if you have used it or what you plan on using it for.

An email would be unneccessary if you make sure to get the thank you cards out quick. You could even mention the reason for not opening it, but Im not sure if that's really needed.
posted by Sweetmag at 4:25 PM on July 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

i've recently learned that sometimes you may end up apologizing for something which you think is a big deal (i.e. not saying thank you or opening the gifts in front of them), but the other person didn't even think twice about it (because it isn't a big deal).

i would send out the thank you message/email asap and make it heartfelt too. state that you truly liked the gift and appreciated their company while at work (and insert anything else that you would like to say). if you are in the area, even say that you would like to hang out again (at least for the person that wrote you that very heartfelt message). don't bother calling or emailing to explain yourself because it might come across as insecure, just write the email/message and make it as heartfelt and honest as possible.
posted by sincerely-s at 4:29 PM on July 28, 2011

"Hey! Things were so crazy today, that I didn't get the chance to open and read your card until I got home. Thank you so much for the gift, that was very sweet of you. I've really enjoyed working with you. Let's grab coffee soon."

No need to go overboard with apologies, I'm sure they'll understand.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 4:47 PM on July 28, 2011 [4 favorites]

Best answer: Dear Y'all, I knew I'd get a great send-off! The leak was a nice touch, hah. I was too chicken to open and read all the cards because I knew I'd get emotional. Sure enough, when I opened and read your kind words, I was choked up with how much I appreciate you, your teamwork, good spirit, and friendship. I'm really going to miss you, and I want to thank you for 8 terrific years at GigantoCorp. I also want to thank you for your generosity - I really appreciate the gift card to Mega-Mart; you know how much I love to stock up on Thingummies. etc, Jack
posted by theora55 at 4:58 PM on July 28, 2011 [17 favorites]

Nope, just send the cards and be really appreciative within them.
posted by mleigh at 5:39 PM on July 28, 2011

Well, if it makes you feel any better, in some cultures (Chinese) it's considered impolite to open a gift in front of the gift-giver :)
posted by bearette at 5:52 PM on July 28, 2011

Yeah, not only was the situation crazy, but etiquette is mixed on whether to open gifts in front of people who gave them. Promptly send cards and a follow-up call to thank the giver would be in order. I can't imagine anyone would judge you about this.
posted by randomkeystrike at 6:10 PM on July 28, 2011

I think theora55 nailed it. I cried at my last going away party when I saw the incredibly touching gift they made me (a photo book of my students...many photos I had taken myself), and I hate crying in front of people. I couldn't look at the whole thing...just the first couple of pages. I think between the potential emotions and the craziness of a leak, they will totally understand. Get a thank you card to them quick. And then keep in touch...don't just fall off the face of the earth! (Unless you really want to disappear...even a quick email or Facebook message to some of them is a nice touch in the first few weeks after you left. But maybe I get too attached to my coworkers.)
posted by MultiFaceted at 7:55 PM on July 28, 2011

No need to apologize. They gave you a gift, you received it, and you'll thank them in the form of a note in the near future. There's no expectation that you open the card in front of them and fawn over it on command; that's performance art, not receiving a gift. I doubt any of your former co-workers cared at all that you didn't open the card in front of them, and I'm sure they will be appreciative of your nice thank you note. Best of luck with whatever the next part of your life will entail!
posted by zachlipton at 8:27 PM on July 28, 2011

Yup. Send a note. In my mum's world of good manners, if you open a gift in front of the person, you thank them there and then. If not, you send a note. I had many interstate relatives as a kid, and would spend much of January whinging and complaining about the thank you notes she made me write.
posted by kjs4 at 11:07 PM on July 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

I don't open gifts in front of people; I was taught it looked "greedy." Other people might feel the same way, so for what it is worth, what you did was OK. Of course a heartfelt thank you note is the way to go.
posted by wandering_not_lost at 12:10 AM on July 29, 2011 [1 favorite]