How do I know if the guy I'm dating is actually interested in something serious?
July 26, 2011 12:32 PM Subscribe
I've been dating this guy for a few weeks now, and I'm not sure where things are going.
posted by raynax to Human Relations (15 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
I met this guy through a mutual acquaintance, and we've been dating for a few weeks. There's a lot of physical attraction. We've had sex, and the sex was great.
I have a tendecy to get really physically intimate with people I'm dating (if I feel attracted to them) really quickly because I think I try to substitute physical intimacy for emotional intimacy, which is something I struggle with. For this reason, I sometimes end up in these casual sex relationships. I'm okay with casual sex relationships as long as we both know where we stand and I don't develop feelings for the other person.
My problem right now is that I've been dating this guy for about a month now, and if you look at our relationship, it kind of looks like a casual sex relationship. We really don't see each other that often, and the relationship isn't really moving forward. Granted, I haven't dated for a while, and I guess I just don't remember how fast things normally move.
In an attempt to be emotionally vulnerable with him (I'm trying to work on my problems), I discussed my concerns with him. He assured me that this isn't just about sex and that he's not that kind of guy. But I guess I'm just not sure if I believe him. (I believed him when he was telling me all of this, but the more I thought about it later on, the more I doubted it...)
Sometimes he'd say these things that are really sweet, to the point where it's almost impossible to believe that he's being sincere. And sometimes I also feel like he's not backing up his words with action. It kind of bothers me that things aren't moving forward, that we're not spending more time together. He says that he's busy, but whenever I hear someone say that, it's like, yeah, I've heard that a thousand times before. The way I look at it is that almost no one's so busy that they can't find time if they really wanted to.
I guess I just don't know if things are moving at a normal pace and I'm just being paranoid, insecure, and impatient, or if he's playing me and I'm just not seeing it because I don't want to. We only see each other about once a week.
Maybe I'm just overthinking this? I don't know. On the one hand, I realize that it's too early for either of us to know where this is going, and I'm not necessarily even looking for a committed/long-term relationship with him. What I'm looking for is a real connection, something more substantial than casual sex. And I obviously have feelings for him otherwise I wouldn't care.
Any thoughts? What should things look like after a month of dating?