In love with best friend, need a break
July 26, 2011 6:07 AM Subscribe
What is the kindest way to have "the talk" about needing a break from a friendship? Text, phone, IM, email, or face to face? The reason I need this break is because I am in love with him but he's not over his ex, and I've recently realized all this, and discovered it's too painful to keep hearing about her. We've been sleeping together, too, and I thought I would be able to keep it casual but I was wrong.
I've read this thread
and decided on a break. But how to I initiate this break?
He's constantly texting and IM-ing me. That's our main form of communication. Also, he'll FB-chat me. Sometimes he'll call. We see each other once or twice a week. We've spent whole weekends together at times. This has been going on for a couple months with no strings in the context of a deep friendship. But for the last couple weeks, he's been talking about his ex a lot. I didn't realize he still felt so strongly for her. I've distanced myself and haven't seen him since he started talking about how much he missed her, but he has pursued. I decided to talk to him again, but he started bringing her up again and it's very painful. We've only had electronic communication for the last week, but it gets really deep.
I need a break. There's someone else more appropriate for me I want to focus on, but even if there weren't, this situation would be excruciating. It's going to hurt my friend. Our friendship is important to both of us and I think he thinks we're on the same page. And we used to be, until one day I just felt differently and never really went back to the way I had been.
Since IM-ing is such a huge part of our friendship, should I tell him about needing a break online? Should I write a letter? Should I say it face to face? And if so, how?
What I really need is an equivalent of the famous Miko breakup speech
for this situation. Anyone care to help me with the medium AND the message?