What weight loss help is out there?
July 25, 2011 8:17 PM   Subscribe

Weight loss help? I really need to lose weight but I lack the kind of support structure I think I need.

Background details: male, early 30s, located in a major US city, 130lbs overweight

I’ve been overweight since my late teens and have only “successfully” lost weight once. That was during my final semester of college when I was living at home, taking a light class load, had my meals mostly prepared for me and had daily interaction with my supportive parents. I lost about 60 pounds using a low carb diet.

But after graduation I took a high-stress/long-hours job in a new city and promptly re-gained the weight. I’ve gradually gained more weight since then and have never really sustained a weight loss effort beyond a couple days. Now that I’ve entered my 30s, I’m really starting to worry about my long-term physical and emotional health. I’m fine now, but clearly I’m on a dangerous path.

I find myself again at a new job in a new city where I have no friends or family. I’ll eventually build social connections, but that’s a slow process for me. In the meantime it’s really easy to fill free time with over-eating.

So how do I approach this? I know there are nutritionists, physical trainers, online support groups, meal prep services, etc, etc. I need something more comprehensive, I think. I’ve thought about OA, but have reservations about 12-step. I have good health insurance and reasonable financial resources.
posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (28 answers total) 17 users marked this as a favorite
 
Have you thought about Weight Watchers? The structured eating and support groups and online community all combined may be just the combination you need.
posted by DarlingBri at 8:24 PM on July 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


There is no "right way", you just have to commit to a program and keep following it for several months or more since it takes AT LEAST that much time to start seeing little results. For any of these "programs" to work you just have to keep at it.

This previous thread and these comments from me might be helpful.

Also, I strongly suggest becoming knowledgeable about food. That is, take a good Food Nutrition course at a local community college from a great teacher. You can even ask the teacher who is usually a registered dietitian (RD) for personal advice during office hours! Other resources include:
Why We Get Fat: And What to Do About It
Sugar the Bitter Truth by Dr. Robert H. Lustig

The information and resources are out there, but the results come from doing the work. Remind yourself to make a conscious choice to take control of your life everyday. The brain works in a certain way and you have to work with it, by forming habits, squashing negative thoughts right away, controlling your environment, not giving yourself an alternative, using motivation not discipline/willpower, etc. ZenHabits.net blog does a good job explaining these techniques. These things take work, but less work than the alternatives and the results are better.
posted by Mr. Papagiorgio at 8:46 PM on July 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


Well I'm a male in my 50's and have had weight problems also. I personally feel that it's not all about will power, it's about getting into a rut. Some ruts are bad to get into, but a rut where you do healthy things each day and train (fool) your brain into thinking it's satisfied with the type and quantity of food is a good rut (IMHO).

Looking back the things that have worked for me (at those times when I have been closer to my healthy weight) is a combination of:
- aerobic exercise on a machine in my home (years ago a stationary bike, lately an elliptical...they're not cheap but health is valuable, and with it in my home I actually use it almost every day)
- calorie counting
- eating on a schedule that works for me, not necessarily 3 meals a day
- eating foods that satisfy me, and keeping a list posted of those foods
- keeping the healthy foods in abundant supply, no reason to let them run low and be tempted to deviate
- making each day similar to the previous from a calorie standpoint (so many calories before lunch, so many before dinner, so many before bed...once you get a rhythm down that works, there's no reason why this week can't be the same as last week, unless you lead an unusual non-routine life style with travel or constant stress and crises)

Two technological things that have helped me on my recent attempt (12 pounds lost so far since April) has been:
- an Android cell phone with the MyFitnessPal app, which counts *down* the calories remaining from the start of the day
- I stacked three big boxes in the basement in front of my new elliptical and on top I put my laptop with an audio cable leading from the headphone jack to the audio in on the elliptical...I watch action movies for 33 minutes each day, burn about 355 calories which MyFitnessPal adds back to the calories I am allowed...plus the aerobics are good for me.

Of course I am not a doctor, and consult one before you begin any new exercise program.

Feel free to mefi mail me if you want to discuss the above ideas. Struggling with weight is something that I can abundantly sympathize with.
posted by forthright at 8:54 PM on July 25, 2011 [3 favorites]


The thing that has worked best for me is committing to exercise - preferably in the mornings. I work to set myself up to be able to successfully get out of bed in the morning by setting my gym clothes and my clothes for the day out the night before - that way it's easy for me to force myself out of bed, throw my gym clothes on and get to exercisin'. Not only does this burn calories, but I'm less likely to overeat when I'm feeling bored or lonely because I don't want to negate all of the hard work I did in the morning! Regular exercise also has the bonus of making you feel better about yourself (just from the plain old glow you get from working hard) - and from the brain chemical good mojo you get.

I also signed up for a CSA that delivers organic veggies and fruit to me every 2 weeks. It's imperative to cook the stuff quickly because organic stuff spoils quickly. You don't have to be a good cook to make fresh veggies tasty. You can cook everything you get with simple recipes.

I also find that if I find a goal-oriented way to track my fitness and diet, it becomes a game. Healthmonth and Spark People are two sites that are cheap or free (respectively) that help with this. Health Month is actually set up as a game. Spark People gives you spark points.

This may not work for you, but I've had quite a bit of success with these things.

FWIW, I read somewhere once that it takes 2 weeks to form a habit. So if you find a simple diet or exercise regime that you'd like to try, but it seems overwhelming and depressing to think of doing it for months and months or even years, just commit to it for 2 weeks. If after that time it's still too much, you can switch it up, dial it back or try something new. 99% of weight loss is seeing through the brief difficult times to the other side.

Good luck to you! You can TOTALLY do this.
posted by pazazygeek at 9:10 PM on July 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


Depending on how you're handling things, OA has shown itself to be very helpful for some people. Everyone is welcome, meetings are free, no obligations.
posted by unixrat at 9:13 PM on July 25, 2011


Weight watchers. Just do it, don't wait. Follow the program and go to the meetings. Prepare yourself for a slow, gradual process. Good lick.
posted by falameufilho at 9:19 PM on July 25, 2011


I've been having a lot of luck using LoseIt!, which is another phone app like MyFitnessPal that forthright mentioned. I always have my phone with me, so I can make an entry the minute I eat anything. There's something about being accountable to the little number in the corner, my remaining calories for the day, that seems to work. They also send you little summary emails, and you get badges and such for participating. Those don't seem to matter as much as that little number, though.

It's been a month, and I've lost about 20 pounds. Started going to the gym last week. Pretty cool, really.

Good luck!
posted by clone boulevard at 9:28 PM on July 25, 2011


Are you still working a stressful job with long hours?

Because, if that's still the case, changing that could have a huge effect on your quality of life, and the amount of time that you have to tackle this problem.

I know it's not the answer you're looking for, but you do seem to acknowledge that the root causes to your weight problems don't actually seem to have anything to do with diet or exercise -- those are just side-effects further on down the chain.

And, yes. The best thing that you can do is to get yourself on some kind of schedule that you can commit to. Gym "x" number of times a week. Eat out no more than once a week. Make a list of what's "allowed" from the grocery store. Stick to all of this.

Admittedly, I'm a skinny guy (sorry), but got a bit of a shock when I weighed in at my last physical – looks like my genes were finally catching up to me. By cutting out the obvious bad stuff from my diet (soda; fast food), and building a running routine into my schedule (and a light circuit workout on my "off" days), I dropped that "surprise" weight, and then quite a few pounds more after that. I have more energy, and a more positive outlook than I have in years.
posted by schmod at 9:39 PM on July 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


The thing that has worked best for me is committing to exercise - preferably in the mornings.

QFT. If you can do nothing else, the first thing you need to do is figure out what it will take for you to exercise for 60 minutes every day. Everything else will fall into place.
posted by hapax_legomenon at 9:51 PM on July 25, 2011


What I'm finding immensely helpful is having all my food calorie controlled and delivered to me. I'm losing 1-2 pounds per week. I don't need to cook. I'm getting used to appropriate portion sizes and eating more fruit/veges than before. In Australia, this is called Lite & Easy. Perhaps you could find something like that?
posted by b33j at 9:59 PM on July 25, 2011


I'm also going to suggest Weight Watchers. I lost 40 pounds with them (last year, age 29), and I had never before lost any weight. The meetings were helpful, friendly, and involved accountability - the point system is easy to understand and implement. I was highly successful using their etools.

I'm not saying it's easy, it's just that it's very structured and it turns out that's just what I needed. Once I had a month of momentum under my belt, there was no stopping me until I reached my goal.
posted by ORthey at 10:01 PM on July 25, 2011


Several friends have been doing the "slow carb diet" to great effect.
posted by dws at 11:20 PM on July 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


The most important thing is to work out what works for you. I tried gyms and things, and a) didn't enjoy it and b) would only go irregularly. Now I have a job that is 30 minutes walk from home, so I walk briskly for half an hour twice a day. That's my basic exercise and I don't do much more than that - the bulk of my weight loss willpower goes into my diet, and I've lost 13kg (nearly 30lb) over the past year. I find it much easier to eat less if I'm not exercising intensively.

I can completely empathise with the struggle. It really is hard to get started, and then it's hard to keep going, and (for me at least) while the scales say I'm still overweight, even though I've made excellent progress and lost lots of weight, I can't give myself credit for that until I've reached my goal. I have to lay that to one side and KEEP GOING.
posted by altolinguistic at 12:22 AM on July 26, 2011


I've had great success with Sparkpeople, especially when i had also just moved to a new city, and didn't know anyone yet. I focused all my free time researching, shopping for and cooking healthy meals, i committed to a fancy gym and pool subscription that i actually used. Most of all i used the message boards of sparkpeople for support, tips and advice when needed. I loved reading about other people's success stories on there, and they have a pretty good meal planner tool, that i could customize to my own vegeterian tastes, and that lets you print a handy shopping list.
Most of all sparkpeople was free, which i appreciated in the cash hungry diet industry...
posted by PardonMyFrench at 2:47 AM on July 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


Sparkpeople has a Metafilter team.
posted by dog food sugar at 3:17 AM on July 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


New job and new city? This is a great time to change your behavior and set new patterns for yourself, because the truth is that you'll never lose and keep the weight off if you don't change your behavior long term. Weight Watchers is great for a start in that direction and as a support system, but you have to change how you think about food and exercise to make it work and that means changing your behavior.

Behaviors I changed that helped me lose weight (YMMV):
-I used to use food as a reward for things, like if I made it through a shit day, I'd reward myself with pizza or a great dessert. I had to change that, so now I get a manni/peddi for a reward, or buy myself flowers at the market for a pick me up.
-I don't eat anywhere but the kitchen. It's really made me see why and when I was eating, how often I'd sit down with dinner in front of the television/computer and be surprised when I was finished, barely remembering having eaten. Now that I eat in the kitchen (with no tv or computer), when I'm eating, I'm eating and enjoying the food, how it tastes and that it's providing my body with nourishment (Buddhism helped me here a lot, being present).
-I stopped taking shortcuts; I try to park farther away from the store when shopping to walk more and try to take stairs instead of elevators whenever possible.
-Breaking the brainwashing: I was raised in an Italian "eat something, you'll feel better" environment that also featured the "clean your plate, children are starving in Africa" theme. I had to learn that I don't have to clean my plate, it's ok to stop when I'm full and that really, eating (if i wasn't hungry) wasn't going to make me feel better at all. When I'm blue I try to do the things that I KNOW will make me feel better, like talking with friends or watching a funny movie.

Yeah, each of these is a little thing, but they became permanent changes and each has helped me lose and keep the weight off. Also, it isn't about denial of things (like so much of dieting), it was substitution; I recognized a bad behavior that was preventing me from losing weight and I found a way to change it to a positive behavior. You can develop the same kinds of good behaviors that will work for you and going with all that "new" momentum you have, it will make breaking bad habits a bit easier.

Make it a point to go for a walk around your new city and try to find nice markets to get fresh fruits and veggies. Try to find parks for walking, biking and riding. Join a health club to meet new people.
posted by NoraCharles at 6:20 AM on July 26, 2011


If you can afford it, you might want to work with a nutritionist to talk about your diet and how to set up realistic, healthy eating options for yourself that will work within the framework of your busy life. Connecting with someone every week or so who is helping you work toward your goals and focused on your needs might help get you the support you need.
posted by foxy_hedgehog at 6:29 AM on July 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


Your question makes a huge assumption, i.e. that losing weight, in and of itself, will increase your emotional and physical health. This is just not true. So, I would offer the following suggestions to address your concerns about your physical and emotional health.

1) Focus on health. That means forgetting about losing weight. There are no reputable studies that connect obesity alone with negative health outcomes. (And, before the flaming starts, please check any studies that you are going to link and make sure that they have controlled for sendantary lifestyle.)
2) Start exercising. Walking, swimming, eliptical machines are all great ways for larger folks to exercise. (There is excellent research that moderate aerobic exercise is health-enhancing.)
3) Learn stress reduction techniques (Meditation, biofeedback, etc.) Again, the research on the health-enhancing effects of these techniques are clear.
4) Meet new people. We are social animals and do better when we are connected to other members of our species. Classes, neighorhood associations, political groups, interest groups, etc.
5) Take cooking classes. This may seem counterintuitive, but when you can make delicious fresh meals yourself, you are less likely to eat processed food with the same satisfaction. Because, while your weight, in and of itself, is not a health issue, the food you are eating might be.
6) Seek therapy. Therapy is a great way to maintain and improve emotional health.
posted by hworth at 6:47 AM on July 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


check out the NoS website--it is the only structure that has ever really worked for me, having done everything else in the entire universe ever to lose weight. I don't really do the "S" part of No S (No Snacks, Seconds, or Sweets except sometimes on days that start with S). I don't have my first meal til 11, my second at 3 and my final at 7. I don't EVER snack, which has done the best possible thing ever for me. My "S day" behaviors are minimal, and might mean a pastry in the morning and a shared dessert and beer if I go out to dinner. My actual meals are whole foods, mostly fish, fruits, and veg---I find that eating nothing ever processed has also made a huge difference for me. Kind of a combo of NoS and Primal eating. Mark Sisson's site, Primal Blueprint has great info on that style of eating. Good luck!
posted by chaoscutie at 7:21 AM on July 26, 2011


My Y recently did a weight challenge where we committed to exercise and nutrition classes for 12 weeks. It worked wonderfully because there was a group for camaraderie and support; there were professionals for advice; and the focus was on changing the bodyfat composition, not just weight (building muscle for the win!).

This worked better for me than just seeing a nutritionist or just going to the gym ever had. So my advice to you is to find a group - I've always avoided Weight Watchers, but they might be a good option - to give you social support and expert advice. It's a whole change of lifestyle to be fit, but it feels so great - and you can do it, too!
posted by ldthomps at 7:57 AM on July 26, 2011


I am roughly as overweight as you are, mmmmaybe a little less. In the past year and a half, I've lost nearly fifty pounds, most of it through a metabolic trick (I lose weight when I'm pregnant) but a good chunk of it through straight up diet and exercise.

I started focusing on the health aspect, recognizing that I could make choices that would improve my metabolic and cardiovascular health whether or not I lost weight. I made it as easy as possible to get to the gym, and as easy as possible to stay there. (Like, there is some TERRIBLE tv that I secretly adore, and I only get to watch it while I'm on the elliptical.) I've been doing that for about seven months now, and now if I take a whole day without getting SOME kind of movement in, I feel antsy and out of sorts until I at least take a brisk walk.

Then, I started tracking my intake with the MyFitnessPal app. I started doing this just for tracking purposes, to see how many calories I was eating, on the basis that it's impossible to make informed decisions without information. What I discovered is that there were some intensely caloric things that I was eating without even really enjoying them or getting enough satiety out of them to be worthwhile. Like, I don't particularly LIKE rice, why am I adding 300 calories' worth of rice to my dinner? I do enjoy a Snickers bar, but I don't enjoy it 500 calories' worth, and I certainly don't feel 500 calories' worth of full after I eat one. After a couple months of doing this, I've now figured out about how much I need to eat, and what, to give me the energy and nutrition I need for my day without being hungry or tired. I absolutely do not feel like I'm dieting, but I'm probably eating fewer calories per day than I've ever eaten in my adult life.

If what you want is some oversight, though. . . look up the health clubs and gyms in your area. My Y offers personal training and nutritional counseling, and even cooking classes, as well as any number of options for working together in groups and getting peer support. Or there's weight watchers. MyFitnessPal includes a "friends" function, and if you (or anyone else) memail me, I'll give you my username there so you can add me if you want.
posted by KathrynT at 10:03 AM on July 26, 2011


I'm a guy in his mid-thirties like you, and I've lost about 30lbs on Weight Watchers since the beginning of May (I have about that much to go). There is a supportive environment (I suggest attending the meetings) and the diet is pretty flexible - which is pretty useful since you sound busy.

With the amount of weight you want to lose excercise will help, but eating right is probably 80% of the struggle you are facing - a 20 minute walk burns off about one spoonful of mayo.

I'm in a relationship, but my WW group is about 95% women - just a thought for someone who is trying to meet people in a new city.
posted by Intrepid at 10:34 AM on July 26, 2011


A support program is a great idea for getting into good habits.

I found, when I first started attempting to lose weight after never really having had to worry about it before, that my own habits were pretty bad and hard to break.

I really liked the simple, easy to follow stuff that I knew I could stick with, because I've seen so many go overboard, starve themselves, lose a few pounds, and then not be able to maintain that level of intensity and gain the weight back. That leads to a learned helplessnes; when you feel like you can't do what it takes to lose the weight, you stop trying.

So, for me, what helped:

Tracking my actual calories on the Daily Plate gave me a much better idea of how much I was taking in each day, in what ways my own diet was imbalanced, and what my personal weaknesses were. Then I could set up reasonable goals of how many calories I could take in to maintain or lose weight.

Have you read Good Calories, Bad Calories? Very helpful to dispel your own misconceptions about fat and carbs and all the rest.

Also, I spend too much time in my car as a result of driving my kids everywhere (changed that a little bit, but still true), and sometimes eating on the run, so I keep these handy in my car, to remind me to at least make the smartest choice when I do.

Walking is the easiest exercise routine to stick to. Keep a pair of comfortable walking shoes (and socks if you need to) handy at work so you don't have an excuse not to walk. For instance, you could put them on and walk for just twenty minutes of your lunch hour every day without really sacrificing much, and you will feel really good about having exercised!

Drink water before you walk, and drink more water during the day, especially before meal times. It will really help to keep the hunger pangs down.
posted by misha at 11:09 AM on July 26, 2011


Can I add something no one has mentioned? Diets don't work long-term. You know this from personal experience. You hear it in statistics like 95% of people who lose weight by dieting will regain it in 1-5 years.

I sense with your mention of OA that you know deep down it's not about another diet. Can I point you in a direction you may not be aware of?

A respected friend who happens to be a therapist turned me on to this revolutionary book: Intuitive Eating. Check out the reviews. Read about the principles.

It's not a quick fix solution, but might just free you forever.
posted by Falwless at 11:15 AM on July 26, 2011


Low Carb worked for you before; why not keep going on that? There are tons of support sites like Low Carb Friends where you can commit yourself to any degree of accountability you like, from daily checkins to just chatting.
posted by bink at 11:18 AM on July 26, 2011


Also, you might find this article from TIME interesting: Why Exercise Won't Make You Thin.
posted by Falwless at 11:24 AM on July 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


Nthing Weight Watchers. Unlike Intrepid, I stick with the online service, just because it's more flexible with my schedule, and I like being able to look up anything whenever I want. There's an added bonus with Weight Watchers: you can eat anything you want, as long as it's in moderation. I'm a woman, and I'm on a lot of anti-seizure medication that supposedly slows my metabolism down, but I've lost 28 of the 45 lbs I intend to lose. Good luck - it's not as difficult, on any plan, as it first seems.
posted by mitzyjalapeno at 11:37 AM on July 26, 2011


I wish you left a throw away email. Being obese is really lonely and hard- feel free to memail me. I lost over one hundred pounds about five years ago, and while I'm no Queen of Health, I've kept most of it off, give or take 10 or 15.

Things that most helped me? I stopped thinking of being fat = immoral. Tossing that bullcrap ("im such an asshole why can't i just be BETTER and lose this!?") made a huge difference. Cause it aint about you being good or bad. It's about how much energy is stored in that apple over there, and how much is in this here little debbie. fat isn't "bad". it is just a reflection of ill health, just like a runny nose.

I'm backing up the people who are saying go to weight watchers. It's Hard and Lonely to be obese. It's even harder that being alone in a new city. They are great- they are a built in group of people who totally know what you are dealing with AND they do an AMAZING job of explaining what specifically you should eat to get where you want to go.

Losing weight is pretty simple (for 95% of people)= but it isn't easy at all. It's all facts and figures and absolutly nothing to do with moral value or the worth of a person. they're not even apples and oranges- they're like apples and jeeps.
posted by Blisterlips at 3:58 PM on July 28, 2011


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