I've hit my breaking point.
July 25, 2011 7:46 PM Subscribe
It's not a quarter-life crisis, I'm almost broken. How can I turn things around before it's too late?
posted by signondiego to human relations (51 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
The past week has been a whirlwind for me with so much thoughts running through my mind about the past, present and future ... and I'm finally at that point where I'm seriously going to snap unless some things change. I have hardly had any major setbacks this year at least, but I constantly think about the past and also right now/the future, and not just this week either.
I'm only 21, but I feel broken. Now your definition of broken my vary or you may think there's no way I can possibly be at a young age, but I am.
I can still do a great thing here and move on. For fear of making this post too long, I won't go into detail about what has happened to me. I wasn't even sure how to word this question/post. By the way, first question here on MeFi.
From age 16 to now, things have happened to me and I've had a rapid departure from who I was. Even before then I can't say I had a really happy childhood, but that's when the big things happened. I'm pretty different from most people.
Some of it (most of it, actually) is my own fault and some of it isn't. I can't seem to forgive myself no matter what, at least not yet. And these aren't small things, but things that will shape me for the rest of my life. Some stuff I can't come back from.
I know exactly the person I want to be in 2-4 years time, just my problem is getting there. I think about it everyday, and it's beautiful. Not the happiness I would have dreamed about as a kid, the best I can do now. I really want to be in that world 2-4 years from now.
I don't even know what specific question is, really, but I do know I'm running out of time. I keep telling myself I'm going to make that jump to start being the person I want to be, in steps. I will be 22 in January, and over the next few weeks I would like to just wake up one day and start doing it. I don't know if I need advice on that part, it's something I could accomplish on my own ... but perhaps I need that extra motivation. I'm thinking all the time about the life I'm going to make for myself, but without moving any steps towards that.
I don't think I'm suicidal, at least not yet. I have thought about it, I want to live and be the person I want to be, although if this doesn't happen in the next few years than I might seriously be suicidal. Changing and moving steps towards this would be easy for me, so it's not like I'm someone who would have a hard time doing so. I just need to act on it.
I should add that right now I am living with my parents, and a major step towards achieving this goal would be moving across-the-country. I am saving up for that and should be gone in the winter or beginning of next year.
What can I do now and in the future to forgive myself and become who I want to be? I think even when I do this, I'd still be somewhat broken because of my past and other things ... but at least I'd be living the life I want to live. It'd be my own kind of happiness.
Sorry I didn't go into detail about some of the important aspects. This post is long already.