When do I disclose my preference for nonmonogamy?
July 20, 2011 2:09 PM Subscribe
I don't want to have monogamous relationships anymore. At what point should I tell this to people I'm interested in?
posted by Cogito to Human Relations (29 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
After a couple years of interest in non-monogamy and several relationships where I made the compromise of monogamy to be with people I deeply cared for, I'm single and I've decided to give the open/poly thing an honest try to see if it's for me.
I've done a decent amount of online dating, and in those contexts it's usually clear upfront whether someone is interested in open relationships. However, when meeting people more organically, it usually isn't. Given that I want to include people who are amenable but inexperienced in non-monogamy as well as the veterans among my potential partners, when is a good point to broach the topic?
There's a certain purity to the idea of telling someone "I will never be monogamous with you" before even the first date, but I think that's presumptive and could scare off people who could be interested in openness if it were introduced more skillfully. When it comes to things like sexual histories, it's clear that discussion should take place before sex, but not necessarily much earlier. However, this is an emotional issue, so it's murkier. These days, I don't think exclusivity is assumed from the outset of dating. Should I bring up openness before the question of exclusivity comes up naturally? Are there are relationship milestones the discussion should come before or after? I know there's not one right answer, but hearing people's preferences and experiences would be useful for me.