The thick cord of hypochondria running through my life
July 19, 2011 6:13 PM Subscribe
I am a huge hypochondriac, and I have been since I was 18. I need help making it stop.
This is very difficult for me to ask about, because even talking about things makes me feel as though I'm legitimizing them, and I'm always afraid someone will speak up and say, "oh yeah, you're totally doomed".
29 year old female, happily married, no children or desire for any. No job, because I was laid off last month. Lifelong anxiety problems stemming from childhood chaos and relationship abuse. Through my youth, several members of my family died or (nearly died) from bizarre diseases that seemed to come from nowhere.
Being laid off was crappy and shady, but my psychological health has improved overall, since I've been free of that place. My physical health is fine, according to all recent check-ups. My only real issues are sinus problems, allergies, and a touch of asthma. Even with those issues, I very rarely get a cold, flu, or stomach virus.
But I am not able to see my general health for what it is. I always KNOW some ludicrous illness is coming for me. Last fall, it was rabies. A few months ago, it was rocky mountain spotted fever. Right now, my main terror is cold sores. I have had an occasional cold sore outbreak for the past 20 years, always on my lip – except for last month, when I came down with both a rotten sinus infection, and a cold sore on my nose. My doctor's reaction: "This is really not a big deal". But ever since then, my hypochondria has been whispering and sometimes shouting, “Just a matter of time until it's in your brain, and then you will die of brain herpes!”
I take a multivitamin and lysine every day, and antihistamines as needed. Never any recreational drugs, never any alcohol. I started the lysine because of my herpes fear, since it is very effective against my cold sores, and was even effective against shingles. But it also has anxiolytic properties, and I haven't had a panic attack since I began taking it.
Anyway, I can't live like this. I'm afraid to even kiss my husband (let alone have sex), because I'm afraid of giving him the nose herpes and killing him. This doesn't make sense, but I can't figure out how to make myself KNOW that. With regard to any current phobia, my mind translates any remote possibility of risk, into a certainty of occurrence. This is all complicated by my mother, who has bad health problems and wants me to have all the same ones that she does.
What can I do to get this hypochondria to ease off? And in the meantime, how can I convince myself brain herpes is not coming for me? It took me about 4 horrible months to calm myself down from the rabies crap. (By the way, I had zero reason to suspect I had been exposed to rabies.) I am already in therapy, which we can't really afford. I like my therapist, but she's not as great at the hypochondria issue, as she is for the rest of my problems.
Anonymous, because there's already enough here that my family could put 2 and 2 together, and they don't need the help of my identifiable username. Throwaway email: hypochondriafreakout@gmail.com
This is very difficult for me to ask about, because even talking about things makes me feel as though I'm legitimizing them, and I'm always afraid someone will speak up and say, "oh yeah, you're totally doomed".
29 year old female, happily married, no children or desire for any. No job, because I was laid off last month. Lifelong anxiety problems stemming from childhood chaos and relationship abuse. Through my youth, several members of my family died or (nearly died) from bizarre diseases that seemed to come from nowhere.
Being laid off was crappy and shady, but my psychological health has improved overall, since I've been free of that place. My physical health is fine, according to all recent check-ups. My only real issues are sinus problems, allergies, and a touch of asthma. Even with those issues, I very rarely get a cold, flu, or stomach virus.
But I am not able to see my general health for what it is. I always KNOW some ludicrous illness is coming for me. Last fall, it was rabies. A few months ago, it was rocky mountain spotted fever. Right now, my main terror is cold sores. I have had an occasional cold sore outbreak for the past 20 years, always on my lip – except for last month, when I came down with both a rotten sinus infection, and a cold sore on my nose. My doctor's reaction: "This is really not a big deal". But ever since then, my hypochondria has been whispering and sometimes shouting, “Just a matter of time until it's in your brain, and then you will die of brain herpes!”
I take a multivitamin and lysine every day, and antihistamines as needed. Never any recreational drugs, never any alcohol. I started the lysine because of my herpes fear, since it is very effective against my cold sores, and was even effective against shingles. But it also has anxiolytic properties, and I haven't had a panic attack since I began taking it.
Anyway, I can't live like this. I'm afraid to even kiss my husband (let alone have sex), because I'm afraid of giving him the nose herpes and killing him. This doesn't make sense, but I can't figure out how to make myself KNOW that. With regard to any current phobia, my mind translates any remote possibility of risk, into a certainty of occurrence. This is all complicated by my mother, who has bad health problems and wants me to have all the same ones that she does.
What can I do to get this hypochondria to ease off? And in the meantime, how can I convince myself brain herpes is not coming for me? It took me about 4 horrible months to calm myself down from the rabies crap. (By the way, I had zero reason to suspect I had been exposed to rabies.) I am already in therapy, which we can't really afford. I like my therapist, but she's not as great at the hypochondria issue, as she is for the rest of my problems.
Anonymous, because there's already enough here that my family could put 2 and 2 together, and they don't need the help of my identifiable username. Throwaway email: hypochondriafreakout@gmail.com
Anxiety meds will help. Can your therapist prescribe something or send you to someone who will?
posted by pised at 6:28 PM on July 19, 2011
posted by pised at 6:28 PM on July 19, 2011
I had this problem for a long time and I eventually got over it. I had anxiety symptoms that I convinced myself were various neurological diseases. That made me more anxious.
The first thing that helped me was realizing that I had a problem with anxiety about my health. The next thing that helped me was taking prozac. It made me able to shut off that part of my brain that kept obsessing about diseases. Somehow I was able to not obsess about it when stopped taking the drug.
I did a whole site about my problem and my recovery. Since I think we are not supposed to self link, if you google Health Anxiety Support it is the first site that pops up.
Good luck with your recovery!
posted by Melsky at 6:36 PM on July 19, 2011
The first thing that helped me was realizing that I had a problem with anxiety about my health. The next thing that helped me was taking prozac. It made me able to shut off that part of my brain that kept obsessing about diseases. Somehow I was able to not obsess about it when stopped taking the drug.
I did a whole site about my problem and my recovery. Since I think we are not supposed to self link, if you google Health Anxiety Support it is the first site that pops up.
Good luck with your recovery!
posted by Melsky at 6:36 PM on July 19, 2011
I second punkfloyd's recommendation. CBT is really, really good for anxiety like this. There are some OCD elements that are a little more than hypochondria from what you're describing, and those typically respond really well to CBT.
posted by goggie at 7:06 PM on July 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by goggie at 7:06 PM on July 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
It's perfectly OK to care about your health and be proactively engaged, but it obviously should not be a pervasive, groundless fear that interferes with your happiness and daily functioning. I have dealt with this personally before and I only made headway when I treated it like OCD and anxiety. Low dose lexapro was very effective. On the alternative side, believe it or not, a paleo style diet and magnesium supplementation brought me permanent relief.
posted by blargerz at 7:48 PM on July 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by blargerz at 7:48 PM on July 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
I think it has to do with your own perception of your identity, rather than anything to do with anxiety. Change the label of the person who you think is the wrong person to be, into the person you actively, intentionally are.
Imagine two circles, one with arrows pointing in, and the others pointing out. Loosely: --> o <-- and <-- o -->. At any given moment, your identity is one or the other of these two, and the default setting is the first one, that is always reacting to incoming stimulus. Change your identity to the second, the one who acts and changes your identity because you insist, not that outside forces insist. Instead of being the grass that is whipped around by the brisk wind, be the wind that does the whipping. The only obstacle preventing the change is you insisting you can't. You can. Don't react, Act. Define your identity. At any point if you feel horrible that such-and-such is going to get you, realize you're being the first circle, and change it. I'm not sure how else to explain it, until you realize it instead of just knowing it =)
posted by Quarter Pincher at 9:32 PM on July 19, 2011 [4 favorites]
Imagine two circles, one with arrows pointing in, and the others pointing out. Loosely: --> o <-- and <-- o -->. At any given moment, your identity is one or the other of these two, and the default setting is the first one, that is always reacting to incoming stimulus. Change your identity to the second, the one who acts and changes your identity because you insist, not that outside forces insist. Instead of being the grass that is whipped around by the brisk wind, be the wind that does the whipping. The only obstacle preventing the change is you insisting you can't. You can. Don't react, Act. Define your identity. At any point if you feel horrible that such-and-such is going to get you, realize you're being the first circle, and change it. I'm not sure how else to explain it, until you realize it instead of just knowing it =)
posted by Quarter Pincher at 9:32 PM on July 19, 2011 [4 favorites]
The first thing that helped me was realizing that I had a problem with anxiety about my health.
Amen!
I have/had the same problem, but it got a lot better when I realised "Oh, I am feeling anxious about my health again" and not "I have this terrifying health issue and I'm going to DIIIIEE".
Now, when I start to feel the beginnings of health-related anxiety, I force myself to think about something else. Just tell myself "No" and start thinking about something else which is relaxing, reading a trashy magazine or youtubing kittens.
Limit your exposure to things that trigger your anxiety. Don't read about diseases. Don't watch scary body-shock programmes on TV. I'm no good at internet-related things but if you can put a block on medical websites so that you can stop yourself from Googling symptoms, that might help.
I've suggested this elsewhere on AskMeFi, but please print this question out and show it to your therapist. Does she get how huge a thing this is for you? Maybe, because you find it so hard to talk about, you may unintentionally be downplaying it when you speak to her. Even if she can't help herself she may be able to point you to some useful resources.
Good luck. I really know where you're coming from and I hope you start to feel better soon.
posted by Ziggy500 at 4:50 AM on July 20, 2011 [2 favorites]
Amen!
I have/had the same problem, but it got a lot better when I realised "Oh, I am feeling anxious about my health again" and not "I have this terrifying health issue and I'm going to DIIIIEE".
Now, when I start to feel the beginnings of health-related anxiety, I force myself to think about something else. Just tell myself "No" and start thinking about something else which is relaxing, reading a trashy magazine or youtubing kittens.
Limit your exposure to things that trigger your anxiety. Don't read about diseases. Don't watch scary body-shock programmes on TV. I'm no good at internet-related things but if you can put a block on medical websites so that you can stop yourself from Googling symptoms, that might help.
I've suggested this elsewhere on AskMeFi, but please print this question out and show it to your therapist. Does she get how huge a thing this is for you? Maybe, because you find it so hard to talk about, you may unintentionally be downplaying it when you speak to her. Even if she can't help herself she may be able to point you to some useful resources.
Good luck. I really know where you're coming from and I hope you start to feel better soon.
posted by Ziggy500 at 4:50 AM on July 20, 2011 [2 favorites]
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posted by punkfloyd at 6:20 PM on July 19, 2011 [3 favorites]