When my girlfriend gets stressed out, she dumps me.
July 18, 2011 5:29 PM Subscribe
When my girlfriend gets stressed out, she dumps me. Should I put up with this?
posted by anonymous to human relations (47 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
I am in a new-ish relationship (3 months in.) At first (6 weeks,) it was awesome, she was awesome, we were bring out the best in each other. She introduced me to her family. She introduced me at her work. We went on a weekend getaway. Then she dumped me. It didn't take. We liked each other and liked our relationship but she said "I can't be a girlfriend." She said "this was too much, too fast!" We dialed the intensity way back from "girlfriends" to "dating." We like each other. We have great chemistry.
If anything, I should be breaking up with her. There are some bigtime red flags. She has hardcore drug use in her past and never did 12 steps; she says it's "for weaklings." She has been clean since 2002. Off hard drugs. But she still uses some drugs (weed, and then it turns out, "pills.") My friends at first thought she was awesome and even helped me to feel okay about her past, because now she is a very responsible, upstanding citizen and is serious about her career. But she's no longer friend-approved because she has this tendency to break up with me and also to hurt my feelings by spoiling big nights for me (that's happened twice.)
I have never used any drugs. She originally said she smokes weed about once a month. I really have no issue with that; most of my friends do. More recently she said she smokes weed about once a week. And then corrected herself to "twice a week." I still don't care, but it kinda bugs me that she misrepresented it originally. Also, she never ever does drugs in front of me, and is very insistent on alone time--I can respect her independence but I wonder if that is just an excuse for her to use drugs without me witnessing it.
It's hard for me to walk away from someone I like but I also recognize in myself a tendency, in past relationships, to give a girlfriend way too many chances and make excuses for her crummy treatment of me. After an appropriate healing period from my last major relationship I went out with a lot of girls before I met this girl and I never liked any of them. I like this girl, and dating really sucks! I have great sex with this girl and that's not nothing!
She's away on a trip for 2 weeks. We're one week in. I'm trying to use this time to get some clarity on the situation. Intellectually I am pretty sure I should walk away from her. I just don't actually want to.
The last contact I had with her before she went away was an email from her breaking up with me. She was so stressed out about the trip and had convinced herself that when she gets back she'll have been fired from her job. This is irrational, the owner assured her she wouldn't be. I emailed her back and said "you're stressed out about other stuff, don't take it out on me. Let's talk when you get back, okay?" And she didn't respond.
How should I handle this situation?