What both sucks and blows while at the same time doing neither?
July 16, 2011 8:38 AM   Subscribe

Sugesstions for synonym/alternative expression to "that sucks"?

I have a friend who is a very righteous fellow. His name is JT Thompson aka He who started the "All people are created equal members of ONE HUMAN FAMILY" movement (which just celebrated its 10th anniversary as the Official Philosophy of the City of Key West).

At a recent public meeting someone said out loud, "That sucks!" in reply to something or other disagreeable or undesirable.

At the meeting, Mr Thompson, being our island's own cheerleader for equality and fair play, actually stood up and made a point to all amassed that "sucks is not a bad thing". It took a second for everyone in the room to get it, and then everyone cracked up while nodding in point-well-made agreement.

I did some googling on the subject, and the consensus is pretty much that "that sucks" and "that blows" is referring to [something widely thought to be often desirable and frequently agreeable].

So, it may sound trite or adolescent, but seeing as I work with just as many kids as I do adults, I would like to be able to offer the suggestion of an alternative to "that sucks" which 1) seems at least as edgy and harsh without being exploitative or derogatory to one group or another, and 2) makes sense.

Once again, I turn in my time of contextual metaphoric quandary to the awesome power of a fully operational hivemind. Suggestions?
posted by Mike Mongo to Society & Culture (52 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
 
Best answer: "That farts."
posted by Gator at 8:40 AM on July 16, 2011


I don't have an expression, per se, but in mental health, but we're always joking about "owning up to our feelings." We'd say, "I totally disagree with that!" instead of "that sucks, that blows, that's lame,". We often use it in a funny/sarcastic way.

Coworker1: That sucks!
Coworker 2: Sounds like you're feeling frustrated!
Coworker 1: Brilliant, Holmes. Ya think?!
posted by ShadePlant at 8:43 AM on July 16, 2011


Laaaaame.

I also like the more wordy, "I've pooped better [ideas] than that."
posted by phunniemee at 8:44 AM on July 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


People complain about stuff in the library world all the time. I find that it's hard to get people to take you seriously if you say that something sucks [even if it's terrible software or whatever]. I also take your point as well. I, instead, refer to things as "sub-optimal" which, while a little precious, gets the point across that it could be better and what we're striving for is improvement.
posted by jessamyn at 8:45 AM on July 16, 2011 [15 favorites]


"That stinks."
posted by sciencegeek at 8:49 AM on July 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


I take the polite road and say "that's unfortunate!".
posted by just_ducky at 8:52 AM on July 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


"That's lame."
posted by sunnychef88 at 8:53 AM on July 16, 2011


I have, on occasion, heard "that rots".
posted by pemberkins at 8:54 AM on July 16, 2011


I was going to echo what jessamyn said. Works really well when said slightly louder than one would talk to themselves.
posted by neilbert at 9:02 AM on July 16, 2011


I've had the same question for years! I just don't like the way "that sucks" sounds. I've been using "oh no!" or "that's terrible," but they don't always fit the sentiment. I'll be watching this thread with interest.
posted by Majorita at 9:02 AM on July 16, 2011


"That's lame."

What's wrong with being disabled such that walking is difficult or impossible?

I don't think there is an expression that means the same thing and is just as "edgy," yet is totally inoffensive. Just say "that's too bad" and move on. No one will care.
posted by John Cohen at 9:03 AM on July 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


That is maggot infested testicle meat!
posted by ian1977 at 9:05 AM on July 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


"Ooh! Craptastic!"
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 9:07 AM on July 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


I worked at a Catholic after-school program for many years, and "sucks" was disallowed. Consensus among the kids was "stinks." Or "smells."
posted by jessicapierce at 9:08 AM on July 16, 2011


My dad occasionally says, "that sucks donkey balls." I think we can all agree that sucking donkey balls is not enjoyable. (Well, maybe for the donkey.)
posted by phunniemee at 9:09 AM on July 16, 2011 [4 favorites]


"That's lousy." I wonder if any of the kids will make the connection to having lice? stupid irregular English plurals
posted by Quietgal at 9:17 AM on July 16, 2011


phunniemee: "My dad occasionally says, "that sucks donkey balls." I think we can all agree that sucking donkey balls is not enjoyable. (Well, maybe for the donkey.)"

Agreed, I think maybe Mr. Thompson has lost track of the... adolescent intent? of "[whatever] sucks." Or, whatever blows, or bites, for that matter. Part of the unspoken context is that the thing being blown/sucked/bitten is an undesirable thing--sweaty donkey balls, rocks, goats--and that you are not on the receiving team.

That being said, I like, "That's a bummer."
posted by Jinkeez at 9:22 AM on July 16, 2011


I just say, "Ouch." With the right intonation, it works fine.
posted by Tamanna at 9:23 AM on July 16, 2011


I say "It both sucks and blows" while making a scrunchy face.
posted by soft and hardcore taters at 9:34 AM on July 16, 2011


I either go with Jessamyn's "sub-optimal" or "that's no good".
posted by pdb at 9:36 AM on July 16, 2011


That being said, I like, "That's a bummer."

Except that "that's a bummer" also originates in disparagement of a gay sex act. (All slang, you see, was invented by a single twelve-year-old boy.)
posted by foursentences at 9:38 AM on July 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


So now we can respond to posts by saying, "That sucks, but in a good way! A delicious way! A mighty tasty way!"
posted by jasper411 at 9:38 AM on July 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


N'thing "stinks".
posted by genehack at 9:39 AM on July 16, 2011


I just use a more accurate adjective (phrase) because being intellectually rigorous and constuctive actually catches people off guard, while being 'edgy' is glossed over as the norm.

That's unfortunate
That's childish
That's inconvenient
That's inappropriate
That's going to leave a mark, let's get you some ice
That's a learning experience
That's a real dilemma, are there any options we haven't considered?

As a child, I was taught that swearing was lazy, and I think 'sucks' falls into that category of lazy speech. Why trade one lax mannerism for another?
posted by bilabial at 9:42 AM on July 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


That Technos? (per Get Fuzzy)
posted by Ranucci at 9:49 AM on July 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


Try "That's less than ideal."
posted by CheeseLouise at 9:50 AM on July 16, 2011


Funny. I had always thought that the phrase 'That sucks' was a short shortened form of a phrase that was very popular with us kids when we were in middle school (circa early 80's):

"That sucks shit." Sure takes the pleasure part out of it.
posted by SquidLips at 9:51 AM on July 16, 2011


I say "boo!" when something less than ideal happens or "booooooooo" when I'm disappointed.

But yeah, I kind of feel like you're over-thinking this one. Words mean what we use them to mean.
posted by i_am_a_fiesta at 9:52 AM on July 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


We say "that bites" or "that stinks".
If necessary, "that sucks donkey".
posted by flex at 10:00 AM on July 16, 2011


When working with the kids, I had limited success in trying to popularize "That pukes."
posted by jessicapierce at 10:22 AM on July 16, 2011


If you're trying to literally parse sexual or scatological metaphor, good luck. "Well, fuck me" has a quite different literal meaning than what I mean if I come back and have a parking ticket on my windshield.

I'm in the camp that there is a right and wrong time to use rude language, and am disconcerted by teenage girls saying "that sucks" in my creepy-old-guy-at-the-rock-concert presence. But I think it shows they probably have no idea where it even comes from. In the '80s everyone was saying "I'm screwed" or "that's screwed up" and in all likelihood we were, with varying degrees of innocence, employing a transmogrified sexual metaphor ourselves.

I teach kids in music lessons and I feel I should be very polite and grown-up with them, even if they're being slangy and even if there's a touch of archness about it, like:

Them: My reed broke right before the audition. That sucked!
Me: That's too bad. You did have another one broken in and ready to go like I'm always telling you, right?
Them: No - I was just screwed. (so far, I haven't had a kid use an f-bomb in my presence)
Me: Yes, you were most unfortunate

So I don't get on to them about language as long as it's not too raw and they're not being disrespectful to me (I won't put up with that), but I don't talk like they do in front of them. With other adults who aren't offended by it, I talk quite differently.
posted by randomkeystrike at 10:32 AM on July 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


You've made me realize how much I use "That sucks"!

If I had to replace it, I'd go with:

That bites.

That stinks.

or the French merde.
posted by Paris Elk at 10:38 AM on July 16, 2011


Weird. When I was a kid I assumed "that sucks" was in reference to a child who couldn't give up sucking their thumb.
posted by waterandrock at 10:40 AM on July 16, 2011


My highschool german teacher, who also took issue with the phrase for more puritanical reasons (though he would probably laugh to hear himself described as "puritanical"), would unfailingly correct us with the phrase "that's substandard".
posted by ropeladder at 10:52 AM on July 16, 2011


I'm switching to "sub-optimal."
It's optimal.
posted by fivesavagepalms at 1:18 PM on July 16, 2011


Growing up, my kids spent a silly summer exclaiming "That wilts broccoli!" in response to bad ideas. 'Cause, ya know, broccoli is really hard to wilt.
posted by paulsc at 1:47 PM on July 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


Much like jessamyn I say "not optimal"
posted by pointystick at 2:35 PM on July 16, 2011


"That (person/thing/idea) would need to improve a great deal to become a (failure/piece of junk/joke)."

I like to think that covers it all.
posted by forthright at 3:14 PM on July 16, 2011


My British husband has quite a selection of these withering assessments:

"The selection was really dire."
"That's appalling."
"Just dreadful!"
"That movie was absolute rubbish."
"I thought it was quite dismal."
"That's pants, mate. Pants!"
posted by anemone at 5:29 PM on July 16, 2011 [8 favorites]


I agree with Jinkeez, and say go with "Bummer, man!" or "Man, that's a bummer!".

I disagree with foursentences:

... "that's a bummer" also originates in disparagement of a gay sex act.

I've never heard that before. I goggled "bummer entomology" and in only one instance did I see any such reference way down at the fourth origin given: (UK, slang, rare) homosexual male.

So my understanding is that "bummer" does not disparage gay men, or if it does, it only does in the UK. If I'm wrong, please feel free to correct, but otherwise, I say use "Bummer!" freely, at least in the US.

The entomology that I like best and that reads truest to me comes from the pain you get in your 'bum' from a long, uncomfortable motorcycle ride and is given at the bottom of this page:

According to Wolfe in The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test:

"The Angels were adding LSD to the already elaborate list of highs and lows they liked: beer, wine, marijuana, Benzedrine, Seconal, Amytal, Nembutal, Tuinal. Some of them had terrible bummers — bummer was the Angels' term for a bad trip on a motorcycle and it very quickly became the hip world's term for a bad trip on LSD."

The Oxford English Dictionary defines the term as: "An unpleasant or depressing experience, esp. one induced by a hallucinatory drug." Note: The OED's first citation for the term is from 1967 (Joan Didion in the Saturday Evening Post): "I ask if he found a ride to New York. ‘I hear New York's a bummer,’ he says."

posted by marsha56 at 7:46 PM on July 16, 2011




"That chews" or "Blech!"
posted by Dojie at 10:37 PM on July 16, 2011


"Worst."
posted by Pomo at 11:39 PM on July 16, 2011


"Incompatible with life"
posted by JujuB at 12:54 AM on July 17, 2011


If something sucks, I often say "Horseshit."

Related---how come you can say "That blew my mind!" but you can't say "That sucked my mind's dick!"?
posted by TheRedArmy at 4:32 AM on July 17, 2011


I like "drag" as in "That's a drag".
posted by davey_darling at 5:45 AM on July 17, 2011


WOE.
posted by mimi at 6:12 AM on July 17, 2011


Although it doesn't solve the 'sucking being a good thing' problem, I like saying "That sucks noodles."
posted by lovedbymarylane at 7:15 AM on July 17, 2011


Response by poster: *WOW!* What a thread!

My favorites so far:

"That farts." Just hilarious. Who can't laugh upon saying or hearing that? "That farts! LULZ

Also, "that poops". Ha.

"Sub-optimal" (or "not optimal") is quite good but doesn't work with real zest or emphatic expression. Ie, "That's SUB OPTIMAL!!" is actually sort of scary to imagine saying for reelz. In fact, I am sitting here saying "sub-optimal, sub-optimal, sub-optimal" over and over in a robot voice.

"That's pants. Pants!" cracked me up as I have a soft spot for the absurd.

Most spot on but open to refinement is "That sucks shit." Wow. Yes, yes it does.

Which is kind of the point. Be clarifying what is [being sucked], the whole quotient is nullified and re-invented. This. Like.

But it will have to be perfected. Obviously, I can't go around saying or re-directing people to say, "that sucks shit" but I can figure out some suitable substitute for shit. For instance, poop. That sucks poop. It might work. It just might.
posted by Mike Mongo at 8:17 AM on July 17, 2011


Response by poster: Lastly, for the record, there is no way in cold hell I could get away with saying "that's a drag" as a replacement for "that sucks" in Key West.

Drag? Key West? At first people would look at you like you're confused—"honey, drag is good"—after which if you continued to assail the character of the Ladies of Key West, you might actually get good and THWACKED by an 8-inch heel reinforced with a steel shaft for the support of 200-lb humans proudly happily and regularly wearing...drag.

posted by Mike Mongo at 8:20 AM on July 17, 2011


Honest to god, my dear departed mother used to say, "That sucks big hairy moose cock."
posted by Lexica at 9:34 PM on July 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


I also tend toward the precious. "Heavens, that's regrettable." "Suboptimal" is a favourite for me too. "Drat!" "Curses!" "Bugger" and "bollocks" may be inappropriate in the same way that "that sucks" is, as might "balls!" However, I also have no problem with a good, hearty "damn, that sucks!" when I deem it appropriate. In my case it's generally short for "that sucks ass", which, while it may be some people's cup of tea, does not interest me personally as a leisure activity. So it works for me.
posted by Because at 5:31 PM on July 18, 2011


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