I'm not normally jealous, but one of my bf's female friends is making me feel a twinge of jealousy and I don't know if I should say something to him or not.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (31 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
My boyfriend and I have been together for about 9 months now, known each other for a year and a half. I've got mostly guy friends, he seems to have mostly female friends. The way we see it, there's not really any reason to get jealous under normal circumstances because if something was likely to happen between one of our friends and us, it would have already happened. I'm not a huggy kind of girl with other guys usually, unless it's normal for that guy friend. He's a bit huggier, he hugs everyone - guys and girls alike. He's 30, and I'm his first long-term girlfriend because he has a weird way of reading girls' flirting, he won't clue in to it unless she's being very direct and obvious. And his immense loyalty to friends and family say to me that if I treat him well, he's mine for life. So this has usually been far more than enough reassurance that he won't stray, I have no reason to get jealous.
The first time I met S was at her wedding, we flew to Kelowna for it a couple weeks ago. I'd heard about her only on occasion, apparently she and my bf go to the same ass-kicking triathlon club workout on Saturdays while I'm at the farmer's market with my mom. She's also friends with L, a waitress at the bar where my BF used to be a bouncer. L and S would go to the bar to hang out on L's off-evenings and they'd visit with my BF while he worked. I can't recall them hanging out outside of the gym or the bar, there might have been an occasional coffee, but that would have been a long time ago at the beginning of our relationship.
I noticed it at the wedding and again last night, the 2nd time I've ever met her - she has these big doe eyes that easily seem full of love and affection, and her gaze seems to linger on him a little too long on occasion. She seems to be one of those people that's just so cuddly and touchy-feely with everyone. She sat on his lap while at the wedding, when coming to visit with our table. Yes they danced together a few times, but my bf's notorious for dancing all night long with a variety of girls at weddings, it's his favorite thing, and I usually get half the dances at least.
We've both been under a lot of stress lately, from being busy at work, my moving to a new apt soon, his moving to a new city 7 hours away, my looking for a new job in his city, and all of his friends wanting to get social time in before he goes. We had a sort of fight a few days ago from my wanting to take a break in the midst of rushing around and his unwillingness to let me have one because he wanted to just power through. Yesterday was a bad day due to several bits of bad luck that happened to my bf and I, and the last one was cleaning up a bucket of paint that got everywhere. It just so happens that S was there, wanting to visit, and while we were busy cleaning she left without a word, wanting to just let us have some time to ourselves.
I felt bad that she left, so my bf suggested we go over to see her instead, after we were cleaned up and wanting to just relax. Her husband was gone, he's a bush pilot apparently gone for a few weeks at a time, so she probably gets lonely. We had a nice evening over there, and then I hear about their triathlon club, how they became partners to save her from another creepy guy, how they've physically held eachother up after a particularly bad workout, and at the end she sneaks in an extra hug when we leave (him, me, him). On the way home, he suggested when I make my commutes out to see him, S would probably love to come along sometime. And well, at that point I was thinking to myself, uh, probably not. They seem awfully close for someone I've only met twice.
So maybe my jealousy stems from the fact they're a little too physically comfortable with each other, and that she is more of his type of athlete - I'm not really athletic at all in comparison, though I'm making an effort to keep us physically active together. I think he sees me as more of someone to relax and have fun with instead, not the intense workout buddy.
I don't know if I should talk to him about it though, given it just makes me look unusually insecure and the problem will basically go away because he's moving. I don't know if it's a lot of the stress talking either, and I wouldn't be bothered to this degree otherwise. This is the only girl I've met through him who makes me feel at all jealous though , the rest of them treat him in a more chummy kind of way.
I'd just like the mefites to weigh in with some perspective, before I create unwarranted turmoil with my bf over this.