How do you decide what to share with others? I am a 28-year-old woman with Asperger Syndrome, and my biggest hurdle is figuring out what sorts of things are appropriate to share with others. So far in my life, I have erred too much on the side of caution, and I regret that I have missed out on great friendships just because I can't pick up on signals and I constantly feel like I'm wasting peoples' time even when they assure me I am not. I would like to get better at sharing on social media in particular, but I find myself totally paralyzed trying to decide what's worthy of sharing with others. I need help and advice on how to improve this crucial social skill.
Finally understanding my AS traits has helped me a lot because I used to just think that nobody liked me very much, but I couldn't understand why. Now I know that people like me fine; it's just that I don't know how to pick up on those signals except when they are extremely obvious and explicit. While some AS people respond to this by oversharing, I respond to it by undersharing. When I was a teenager, my family life was horrible (alcoholic father, borderline mother); I didn't know how to deal with my feelings, and I was inadvertently cruel to a lot of people that I cared about. I have worked throughout my twenties to learn how to be considerate, how to stay out of peoples' way, how not to bother people, how to be compassionate and practice loving-kindness (I consider myself a Buddhist) - but now I find I have gone way too far in the other direction, like the only way to be considerate of others is to stay completely out of their way and not bother them unless they explicitly invite me to. I consistently feel like sharing anything with anyone is bothering them, and I can't quite seem to get over it. I am hoping that somebody will want to read my tedious backstory and might have some advice.
I'm currently finishing my B.S., so I'm in school with people a few years younger than me, which exacerbates all of this a bit and makes my failure at social media more visible. Generally, I pass easily for neurotypical (NT), and I have been extremely successful in academic settings and most work settings. However, I have very few friends that I stay in touch with, and I am almost never spontaneously moved to reach out to anyone. It takes me weeks to work myself up to calling a friend or even sending an email. I could probably go a year without feeling the need to share something with anybody but my fiance (who is NT and wonderful and supportive). I have always been this way; I have one intense confidante with whom I share almost everything, two or three extremely close friends (often with blurred romantic boundaries, when I was younger), and a bunch of acquaintance-friends that I see and get along with in daily life, but am generally awkward and distant with. It's that last part that I want to change.
Anyway, social media is the hardest for me because sharing things online makes me feel like I'm just yelling indiscriminately from my porch - "HEY EVERYONE, I WENT CAMPING AND TOOK A BUNCH OF BORING PICTURES! EVERYONE LOOK AT ME!" No matter what, I always feel like I'm oversharing, and I worry that others will see right through my attempts to be friendly and think that I am bothering them or being needy. When I do manage to interact with others through these sites, I tend to over-think and over-edit, and it takes me far, far longer than I'd like to admit to craft appropriately casual-sounding comments (which probably end up coming out stilted and awkward and packed with Latinates, anyway).
So: does anybody have any advice? How do you decide whether something is worth sharing with others?
(I know I'll probably get therapy recommendations, but as an autodidact that has the same trouble asking for help as she does sharing, other suggestions are definitely welcome. I also find that few therapists know how to deal with females with Asperger's, since so much of the clinical knowledge about the condition is based around the male expression of autistic traits; here is a great chart of female Asperger traits, for the record. Women with AS are frequently misdiagnosed with personality disorders or bipolar, which is what happened to me at first and has left me somewhat distrustful of the whole affair)