She's the Vegemite in my friendship cupboard.
July 7, 2011 12:40 PM Subscribe
I’m hosting a party tonight for about 18 people and I have a friend coming who has a difficult personality (and most of my other friends dislike and prefer to avoid her when possible). How can I, as the hostess, make sure everyone still has a good time, including her?
My husband extended a party invite to “Katie,” whom I actually, uh, didn’t intend to invite. She’s my friend (mostly due to shared childhood history), but her personality is not for everyone, and most of my other friends dislike her. For this reason I prefer to hang out with her one-on-one instead of in large groups. She’s not actually mean, but she seems to have this innate ability to get on people's nerves.
Some people at this party will know Katie (and don’t like her very much, with one or two guests at the "ugh I cannot STAND her" level), others will be meeting her for the first time.
Katie is an extrovert's extrovert. She's super talkative, and can easily end up monopolizing a conversation. She's opinionated and makes strong, polarizing statements without having the facts to back them up. She has no mental filter and says what she's thinking, sometimes coming across as blunt or rude. She wants to be everyone's friend and can scare people off with her eagerness (telling you very personal life details after knowing you for only 15 minutes, hijacking your Facebook wall with a barrage of "likes" and comments, etc.) She has a hard time accepting that some people just aren't going to like her, so if she thinks you don't like her, she works that much harder at becoming your friend...which really doesn't go over well. And she has this general hyper bubbly attitude that just rubs some people the wrong way. My personality actually compliments hers pretty well, but others? Not so much.
I’m in my mid-twenties and new to hosting large parties, especially with Katie, who is usually not in town. I’m not really sure how to 1) keep Katie from managing to piss off everyone else at the party, 2) keep the other guests from eating Katie alive or shunning her in annoyance, and 3) make sure everyone has a good time with minimal conflict. I want my guests to enjoy the party without being annoyed by her, and I want her to enjoy the party without feeling shut out. I realize this may be impossible, but I at least want to minimize potential damage.
My husband extended a party invite to “Katie,” whom I actually, uh, didn’t intend to invite. She’s my friend (mostly due to shared childhood history), but her personality is not for everyone, and most of my other friends dislike her. For this reason I prefer to hang out with her one-on-one instead of in large groups. She’s not actually mean, but she seems to have this innate ability to get on people's nerves.
Some people at this party will know Katie (and don’t like her very much, with one or two guests at the "ugh I cannot STAND her" level), others will be meeting her for the first time.
Katie is an extrovert's extrovert. She's super talkative, and can easily end up monopolizing a conversation. She's opinionated and makes strong, polarizing statements without having the facts to back them up. She has no mental filter and says what she's thinking, sometimes coming across as blunt or rude. She wants to be everyone's friend and can scare people off with her eagerness (telling you very personal life details after knowing you for only 15 minutes, hijacking your Facebook wall with a barrage of "likes" and comments, etc.) She has a hard time accepting that some people just aren't going to like her, so if she thinks you don't like her, she works that much harder at becoming your friend...which really doesn't go over well. And she has this general hyper bubbly attitude that just rubs some people the wrong way. My personality actually compliments hers pretty well, but others? Not so much.
I’m in my mid-twenties and new to hosting large parties, especially with Katie, who is usually not in town. I’m not really sure how to 1) keep Katie from managing to piss off everyone else at the party, 2) keep the other guests from eating Katie alive or shunning her in annoyance, and 3) make sure everyone has a good time with minimal conflict. I want my guests to enjoy the party without being annoyed by her, and I want her to enjoy the party without feeling shut out. I realize this may be impossible, but I at least want to minimize potential damage.
Hrm. Can you assign a "victim" friend to monopolize Katie's time during the event? If you can find someone willing to play along, this might work. I have done this for friends in the past, upon request.
posted by adipocere at 12:46 PM on July 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by adipocere at 12:46 PM on July 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I'm wondering if you and your husband (enlist him on this too, since he invited her) could do some kind of "enlisting her help" thing? You know -- if you see there's a point where it looks like she's starting to get on people's nerves, come over looking a little flustered and say, "sorry guys -- Katie, I think I may need an extra hand pulling the popovers out of the oven/I got a little overwhelmed trying to set the canapes up/hubby needs some help carrying in ice, can you lend a hand?" You've gotten her away from a situation, but you've also made her feel like she's being helpful. It's a little cop-out-y, but subtle.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:46 PM on July 7, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:46 PM on July 7, 2011 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I have a Katie, too. I don't bother to try and "manage" her. The parties that I host, unless they're dinner parties, are not overly structured and people tend to mill about and talk to whomever. Katie will find someone to talk to. If they don't want to talk to her, they'll find an excuse to leave.
She always seems to find at least one person to talk to who doesn't want to run away from her; often that's a person she hasn't met before.
Now, if literally everyone except for you dislikes her, then you may have to jump on the grenade and spend most of the time hanging out with her and less time interacting with your other guests. This kind of sucks, but at least it'll keep everyone relatively happy (except, maybe, for you -- sacrifices of being the host, I guess).
posted by asnider at 12:47 PM on July 7, 2011 [10 favorites]
She always seems to find at least one person to talk to who doesn't want to run away from her; often that's a person she hasn't met before.
Now, if literally everyone except for you dislikes her, then you may have to jump on the grenade and spend most of the time hanging out with her and less time interacting with your other guests. This kind of sucks, but at least it'll keep everyone relatively happy (except, maybe, for you -- sacrifices of being the host, I guess).
posted by asnider at 12:47 PM on July 7, 2011 [10 favorites]
First, nice title.
A few ideas:
You can try to control seating at your table...maybe make place cards for everyone and sit her next to you and your husband, or others who might be okay with her personality.
A good friend of ours started dating someone we found annoying. I discovered by giving her a job when at our house, she felt more important and stopped trying so hard to get attention. Maybe you can have an official cocktail for the night, and ask her to be the mixologist? Or to select music?
Try not to obsess over everything she does and says. That will be no fun for you. Worst case scenario, people are annoyed. They'll get over it.
On preview, I like Empress' idea of an exit strategy as well.
posted by fyrebelley at 12:48 PM on July 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
A few ideas:
You can try to control seating at your table...maybe make place cards for everyone and sit her next to you and your husband, or others who might be okay with her personality.
A good friend of ours started dating someone we found annoying. I discovered by giving her a job when at our house, she felt more important and stopped trying so hard to get attention. Maybe you can have an official cocktail for the night, and ask her to be the mixologist? Or to select music?
Try not to obsess over everything she does and says. That will be no fun for you. Worst case scenario, people are annoyed. They'll get over it.
On preview, I like Empress' idea of an exit strategy as well.
posted by fyrebelley at 12:48 PM on July 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
Best answer: 1) keep Katie from managing to piss off everyone else at the party
I'm not sure how long this event is but in a party of nearly 20 people, she's not going to be able to piss everyone off. She might piss off someone, but that's how thing go. Unless you invited whole bunch of people who have never hosted a party before, have no Katies in their life (fat chance), they'll understand.
2) keep the other guests from eating Katie alive or shunning her in annoyance
There's really nothing you can do about this. If you go around saying "my friend is weird please be nice to her," it'll blow up in your face (not that I assume you would.) Your friends will do what it is that they do and whether it is shun or eat her alive or, most likely, smile and nod and walk away, it is beyond your control.
3) make sure everyone has a good time with minimal conflict
Trust your guests to be good, civil people, assuming that they are. If Katie is the only, well, Katie at the event and everyone else is alright, things will be okay.
posted by griphus at 12:49 PM on July 7, 2011 [2 favorites]
I'm not sure how long this event is but in a party of nearly 20 people, she's not going to be able to piss everyone off. She might piss off someone, but that's how thing go. Unless you invited whole bunch of people who have never hosted a party before, have no Katies in their life (fat chance), they'll understand.
2) keep the other guests from eating Katie alive or shunning her in annoyance
There's really nothing you can do about this. If you go around saying "my friend is weird please be nice to her," it'll blow up in your face (not that I assume you would.) Your friends will do what it is that they do and whether it is shun or eat her alive or, most likely, smile and nod and walk away, it is beyond your control.
3) make sure everyone has a good time with minimal conflict
Trust your guests to be good, civil people, assuming that they are. If Katie is the only, well, Katie at the event and everyone else is alright, things will be okay.
posted by griphus at 12:49 PM on July 7, 2011 [2 favorites]
Can you give her a job to do? Maybe if she has something to distract her from excitedly talking at people the whole time, there will be enough Katie breaks for everyone else to have a chance to talk. Just anything that would draw her attention away from the other guests for even a moment. This can be something as simple as, "it would really help me out if you could keep an eye on the crackers and let me know when I need to put more out!"
On preview, kind of agreeing with Jairus. I knew a Katie in college who ran in my circle of friends, only instead of being bubbly and hyper, my Katie was opinionated, bitchy, and sanctimonious (e.g. "don't save that bottle, recycle it!"). Anyway, I was in the "ugh, I cannot STAND her" crowd, and her presence at any event absolutely ruined it for me. Even if I intentionally avoided her and stayed in another room, I could always hear her shrilly pontificating something or another. It depends how much you want the other 18 people to want to come back to your parties.
posted by phunniemee at 12:50 PM on July 7, 2011
On preview, kind of agreeing with Jairus. I knew a Katie in college who ran in my circle of friends, only instead of being bubbly and hyper, my Katie was opinionated, bitchy, and sanctimonious (e.g. "don't save that bottle, recycle it!"). Anyway, I was in the "ugh, I cannot STAND her" crowd, and her presence at any event absolutely ruined it for me. Even if I intentionally avoided her and stayed in another room, I could always hear her shrilly pontificating something or another. It depends how much you want the other 18 people to want to come back to your parties.
posted by phunniemee at 12:50 PM on July 7, 2011
If your husband invited her, then he gets to either disinvite her or be the "victim" as adipocere suggests.
posted by desjardins at 12:52 PM on July 7, 2011 [21 favorites]
posted by desjardins at 12:52 PM on July 7, 2011 [21 favorites]
With a crowd that large you may find that Katie's effect will be considerably muted. A few maneuvers involving asking Katie to help you with something in the kitchen should be all that is necessary for any really iffy moments.
posted by orange swan at 12:53 PM on July 7, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by orange swan at 12:53 PM on July 7, 2011 [2 favorites]
When she's at her worst, someone (you?) should tell Katie that she's being overbearing and annoying. Cushion it however you like, but if she's as extroverted as you claim, she deserves a little confrontation due to her abrasive personality.
It's not fun, but it might embarass her into toning things down or finding a new group of friends where she'll fit in.
posted by General Tonic at 12:58 PM on July 7, 2011
It's not fun, but it might embarass her into toning things down or finding a new group of friends where she'll fit in.
posted by General Tonic at 12:58 PM on July 7, 2011
To add on to what griphus said - most of us have a "Katie" in our lives, or have good friends with a "Katie" in theirs. Chances are your guests will be kind and understanding unless she is this girl!
I agree with giving her a job to do. Have her help you chop the crudites, put the condiments on the table, clear up afterwards, and so on. And seat her with you and/or your husband if at all possible.
Again, remember that there is a "Katie" in just about everyone's life with whom they have to put up and chances are little harm will be done except for "Katie" providing great day-after anecdotes for the rest of your guests. Sometimes this even adds to the charm of parties - "do you remember Mr. and Mrs. Castlebravo's party where that Katie said such-and-so? Wasn't that hilarious? That was a great party!"
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 1:03 PM on July 7, 2011
I agree with giving her a job to do. Have her help you chop the crudites, put the condiments on the table, clear up afterwards, and so on. And seat her with you and/or your husband if at all possible.
Again, remember that there is a "Katie" in just about everyone's life with whom they have to put up and chances are little harm will be done except for "Katie" providing great day-after anecdotes for the rest of your guests. Sometimes this even adds to the charm of parties - "do you remember Mr. and Mrs. Castlebravo's party where that Katie said such-and-so? Wasn't that hilarious? That was a great party!"
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 1:03 PM on July 7, 2011
i hope you did not "uninvite"her--strikes me a somewhat tacky solution to a problem you/husband created. I have quite a bit of confidence in people and I would guess your guests will find their own way to deal with her. It is your party, enjoy yourself, do not attempt to over manage Katie, trust your guests. If worse comes to worse and Katie is monopolizing a person/group go to her and tell her your husband was especially looking forward to spending time with her and gently, but firmly, steer her to him. Have a good time. If it is a dinner party or fixed seating put her between you and your husband.
posted by rmhsinc at 1:27 PM on July 7, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by rmhsinc at 1:27 PM on July 7, 2011 [4 favorites]
If I had to invite her, I'd invite a couple dozen more people--she's probably diluted in large numbers. If you've got two close pals, make a deal with them to tag team her. Get her to do something useful, and then have the pals trade off chatting with her, introducing her to others, and keeping her away from people who don't like her. But I wouldn't poison the well by telling people who don't know her how weird she is--someone might think she's swell.
posted by Ideefixe at 1:35 PM on July 7, 2011
posted by Ideefixe at 1:35 PM on July 7, 2011
You can say to a very close, discreet friend, "Would you make an effort to help Katie feel welcome?" Unless she is out of control, 18 of your friends can cope with a person with poor social skills for an evening.
posted by theora55 at 1:38 PM on July 7, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by theora55 at 1:38 PM on July 7, 2011 [2 favorites]
Can you ask Katie for help? Tell her your friends are like feral cats and you hope she'll be extra quiet and stand-offish with them til they all get to know each other- you're asking her for this because you know she's the kind of person you know will want to help you make them feel comfortable!
posted by small_ruminant at 1:52 PM on July 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by small_ruminant at 1:52 PM on July 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thanks for the answers, everyone! It's reassuring to know that others have their own version of Katie.
Uninviting her is not an option; it'd feel too mean, and the party is tonight. It's a casual grilling party, so time consuming jobs may be limited. But my husband is going to take the Katie bullet should the need arise (and he will be checking with me in the future before inviting her to events). I have two other friends who can tolerate her for limited periods, she may end up gravitating towards them anyway. I'm hoping there will be enough new people there for her to mingle without annoying any one person too much. She's already been comment-bombing the Facebook event wall for a few days now, which I hope won't work against her. I don't know some of these guests myself (friends of a friend), so that's an unknown variable. It would be awesome if she did end up with a couple new best friends.
Mostly I am hoping to avoid potential conflicts with one or two others who I really think will not get along with her (they're abrasive in their own sarcastic way, and may not hold back if she says something they think is stupid), but I suppose there's not much I can do about that; they're all adults anyway. I've been working on not feeling somehow responsible for the crazy things she says, which is an ongoing personal project.
posted by castlebravo at 2:03 PM on July 7, 2011
Uninviting her is not an option; it'd feel too mean, and the party is tonight. It's a casual grilling party, so time consuming jobs may be limited. But my husband is going to take the Katie bullet should the need arise (and he will be checking with me in the future before inviting her to events). I have two other friends who can tolerate her for limited periods, she may end up gravitating towards them anyway. I'm hoping there will be enough new people there for her to mingle without annoying any one person too much. She's already been comment-bombing the Facebook event wall for a few days now, which I hope won't work against her. I don't know some of these guests myself (friends of a friend), so that's an unknown variable. It would be awesome if she did end up with a couple new best friends.
Mostly I am hoping to avoid potential conflicts with one or two others who I really think will not get along with her (they're abrasive in their own sarcastic way, and may not hold back if she says something they think is stupid), but I suppose there's not much I can do about that; they're all adults anyway. I've been working on not feeling somehow responsible for the crazy things she says, which is an ongoing personal project.
posted by castlebravo at 2:03 PM on July 7, 2011
It's a casual grilling party, so time consuming jobs may be limited.
Not as much as you may think --
"Katie, I think we're short on napkins, can you run in the kitchen and grab 'em? [Husband] can tell you where they are."
"Katie, can you fetch the mustard? It's in the fridge, top shelf."
"Katie, could you give [husband] a hand with the watermelon?"
The tasks don't need to be time-consuming, just well-timed. Even if she's only gone two minutes, it gives guests who were starting to tire of her a chance to shift somewhere else.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:08 PM on July 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
Not as much as you may think --
"Katie, I think we're short on napkins, can you run in the kitchen and grab 'em? [Husband] can tell you where they are."
"Katie, can you fetch the mustard? It's in the fridge, top shelf."
"Katie, could you give [husband] a hand with the watermelon?"
The tasks don't need to be time-consuming, just well-timed. Even if she's only gone two minutes, it gives guests who were starting to tire of her a chance to shift somewhere else.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:08 PM on July 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Everybody has a Katie in their circle, of one flavor or another. Sure, keep your eye on things to diffuse anyone getting monopolized, but everyone's ultimately responsible for their own behavior.
Your friends who know they don't like Katie? They should just politely avoid her, and resist the urge to be mean about it. When you're a guest in someone's home, it's not cool to be a jerk to other guests -- because it's rude to the host.
I'm sure you already have a gracious typical reply for anyone who might say "WTF is up with that Katie girl, who invited her?" My typical response was along the lines of "we're friends from way back, she may be a bit much at times, but she's got a really big heart." (Make sure that this reply is something that you won't mind being repeated by others, possibly in front of Katie.)
It's totally okay to ask her to cool it on stuff that actually irritates you (like comment-bombing the FB invite wall, uh, c'mon.) Seconding to harness her energy into helping you with stuff, too.
posted by desuetude at 2:16 PM on July 7, 2011 [5 favorites]
Your friends who know they don't like Katie? They should just politely avoid her, and resist the urge to be mean about it. When you're a guest in someone's home, it's not cool to be a jerk to other guests -- because it's rude to the host.
I'm sure you already have a gracious typical reply for anyone who might say "WTF is up with that Katie girl, who invited her?" My typical response was along the lines of "we're friends from way back, she may be a bit much at times, but she's got a really big heart." (Make sure that this reply is something that you won't mind being repeated by others, possibly in front of Katie.)
It's totally okay to ask her to cool it on stuff that actually irritates you (like comment-bombing the FB invite wall, uh, c'mon.) Seconding to harness her energy into helping you with stuff, too.
posted by desuetude at 2:16 PM on July 7, 2011 [5 favorites]
As a "Katie" I'm going with if you feel like she's overstepping, mention it when she's alone. I am always grateful to others, like my girlfriend, who say, "Hey dude, you are being 'that guy'.".
Katie's MMV.
posted by josher71 at 2:22 PM on July 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
Katie's MMV.
posted by josher71 at 2:22 PM on July 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
If this is a big enough group that people will be mingling, not all sitting in one spot talking together the whole time, then there may be a few guests who don't know her yet who won't really mind her. I know I've been at parties where I've been glad for that one uber-talkative person whose extroversion and insta-familiarity saves me from standing in a corner all alone. I wouldn't particularly want to hang out with them again, and I might find them sort of boring, but they can be quite useful. If you have two or three introverts who don't know a lot of other guests, they might absorb some of her, well, Katieness by happily listening for a while. Maybe you could sort of steer her towards those people. Of course it depends just how awful she really is, but since you say she's your friend and not actually mean, it might not be as bad as you think.
posted by DestinationUnknown at 2:27 PM on July 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by DestinationUnknown at 2:27 PM on July 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
One specific suggestion-do not let her monopolize a group conversation. Find a way to pull her away and break it up.
Years ago I was part of a group of friends doing a lady's night out thing and dinner was ruined by ONE person's inability to fermay la boosh. I mean, RUINED.
Also, if you are aware of some of her more problematic behaviors are you close enough to her to have a heart to heart talk about things she might want to do differently? If you are it would be a true kindness.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 3:21 PM on July 7, 2011
Years ago I was part of a group of friends doing a lady's night out thing and dinner was ruined by ONE person's inability to fermay la boosh. I mean, RUINED.
Also, if you are aware of some of her more problematic behaviors are you close enough to her to have a heart to heart talk about things she might want to do differently? If you are it would be a true kindness.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 3:21 PM on July 7, 2011
I used to be the organiser/'moderator' for a meetup-style group. Imagine for a moment how painful a 'Katie' or two, would be in that situation?
First, if you're sitting at a table, conspire to rearrange things so that she's talking with people at the *end* of a table. With several of my 'katies', they might only be talking with one person, but they'd talk loudly across an entire table at them, shutting everyone else down. Good feng shui ensures Katies do not talk across other people. ;)
Also, find another 'katie'. If you have two of them, you can pair them up (at the end of a table!) so they can talk to each other. With anyone talking to them, monitor conversations, and occasionally swing by to abruptly provide topic changes (even to things you know Katie will talk about, and the other person will actually find *interesting*), or 'rearrange' groups of people if anyone is starting to look really trapped. (This is where party tasks can help).
Fortunately, when someone is a little socially tactless, you can generally be a little more 'tactless' when you abruptly change conversations or rearrange them, because they won't notice.
For your dinner, I'd suggest arranging it so that people can break into small groups, possibly little spaces that will really only fit 4 or so people, so that people can mix, mingle, and escape a 'Katie' if they so choose, without having her follow them everywhere.
posted by Elysum at 7:33 PM on July 7, 2011
First, if you're sitting at a table, conspire to rearrange things so that she's talking with people at the *end* of a table. With several of my 'katies', they might only be talking with one person, but they'd talk loudly across an entire table at them, shutting everyone else down. Good feng shui ensures Katies do not talk across other people. ;)
Also, find another 'katie'. If you have two of them, you can pair them up (at the end of a table!) so they can talk to each other. With anyone talking to them, monitor conversations, and occasionally swing by to abruptly provide topic changes (even to things you know Katie will talk about, and the other person will actually find *interesting*), or 'rearrange' groups of people if anyone is starting to look really trapped. (This is where party tasks can help).
Fortunately, when someone is a little socially tactless, you can generally be a little more 'tactless' when you abruptly change conversations or rearrange them, because they won't notice.
For your dinner, I'd suggest arranging it so that people can break into small groups, possibly little spaces that will really only fit 4 or so people, so that people can mix, mingle, and escape a 'Katie' if they so choose, without having her follow them everywhere.
posted by Elysum at 7:33 PM on July 7, 2011
Best answer: I am in love with the title of this post.
I have a few vegemite friends too. The best way I have found to integrate them into other friend groups is to explicitly tell people why I like them. There are reasons you like Katie, right? Pointing out her good points will let other people see them too and help them appreciate her better. If you are really good at social stuff, you may be able to do this while introducing her, but often that can make people embarrassed (although Katie may not be the sort of person who is easily embarrassed!) Otherwise, when you are talking to someone who doesn't know her, say, "Hey, my old school friend Katie is here tonight. You must meet her. She's kind of full on, but I love her because XXX".
In my case the XXX for my happy little vegemites is stuff like, "has an awesome sense of humour" or "is incredibly honest. You can always rely on her if you REALLY want to know the answer to awkward questions" and "is so daring! Would you believe she once prank called the Prime Minister?!"
posted by lollusc at 10:00 PM on July 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
I have a few vegemite friends too. The best way I have found to integrate them into other friend groups is to explicitly tell people why I like them. There are reasons you like Katie, right? Pointing out her good points will let other people see them too and help them appreciate her better. If you are really good at social stuff, you may be able to do this while introducing her, but often that can make people embarrassed (although Katie may not be the sort of person who is easily embarrassed!) Otherwise, when you are talking to someone who doesn't know her, say, "Hey, my old school friend Katie is here tonight. You must meet her. She's kind of full on, but I love her because XXX".
In my case the XXX for my happy little vegemites is stuff like, "has an awesome sense of humour" or "is incredibly honest. You can always rely on her if you REALLY want to know the answer to awkward questions" and "is so daring! Would you believe she once prank called the Prime Minister?!"
posted by lollusc at 10:00 PM on July 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
Best answer: They are all adults. The way I see it, when I hold a party of adults, I expect everyone to act like adults. It's not bad form as a host to invite friends. It is bad form for people to act like they're in high school when someone who doesn't fit "the mold" is present.
I have many circles of friends and they've mingled together at several events I've held. Yes, I've heard snarks about certain people. The way I handle it is, "she's my friend, and I don't expect you to like her, but I do expect you to be tolerant and respectful of someone I care about". You shouldn't have to apologise for your friends or explain their personalities. If they're happy being who they are, who cares?
Lastly, if Katie gets on people's nerves and they react, it's their bad form and you don't have to worry about it. Katie is who she is, somehow manages to maintain friendships and a life, and doesn't need baby sitting at a gathering of presumably lovely adults.
posted by shazzam! at 1:38 AM on July 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
I have many circles of friends and they've mingled together at several events I've held. Yes, I've heard snarks about certain people. The way I handle it is, "she's my friend, and I don't expect you to like her, but I do expect you to be tolerant and respectful of someone I care about". You shouldn't have to apologise for your friends or explain their personalities. If they're happy being who they are, who cares?
Lastly, if Katie gets on people's nerves and they react, it's their bad form and you don't have to worry about it. Katie is who she is, somehow manages to maintain friendships and a life, and doesn't need baby sitting at a gathering of presumably lovely adults.
posted by shazzam! at 1:38 AM on July 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: Hi everyone, thanks again for all the help!
The party went really well. We had an even higher turnout than expected (more like 28 instead of 18 guests) so Katie was able to make the rounds without monopolizing any one person's time. She really enjoys meeting new people so that worked well for her. Later she hung out with some of my friends who know and tolerate her (they all have their own Katies, interestingly), and that was fine. Even the friends that I thought would Have a Problem were on their best behavior around Katie. Everyone appeared to have a really good time.
There was a little snarking behind her back (mostly of the "what is UP with the bajillion Facebook comments she made?" variety), but my husband and I used desuetude's method and said "Yeah, she's ridiculously bubbly but she's such a sweetheart! Did you try the cheesecake she brought?" and that worked well.
I don't plan to talk to her about her behavior- it's really just who she is, she's been like this since childhood. She manages to have friends and a boyfriend and a job, and she's happy. It ain't easy being a true extrovert in Minnesota, and the nonstop perkiness and enthusiasm is fun in controlled doses.
We've been friends since elementary school and as a kid/teen I used to get a lot of flak for associating with her, so some part of my brain still expects friends to whine "oh my gaaaawd why did you invite HER!! UGH she ruins EVERYTHING!!" which always made me paranoid about how she behaved around others. It's nice to find out both she and my other friends have mellowed out and matured.
posted by castlebravo at 7:41 AM on July 8, 2011 [14 favorites]
The party went really well. We had an even higher turnout than expected (more like 28 instead of 18 guests) so Katie was able to make the rounds without monopolizing any one person's time. She really enjoys meeting new people so that worked well for her. Later she hung out with some of my friends who know and tolerate her (they all have their own Katies, interestingly), and that was fine. Even the friends that I thought would Have a Problem were on their best behavior around Katie. Everyone appeared to have a really good time.
There was a little snarking behind her back (mostly of the "what is UP with the bajillion Facebook comments she made?" variety), but my husband and I used desuetude's method and said "Yeah, she's ridiculously bubbly but she's such a sweetheart! Did you try the cheesecake she brought?" and that worked well.
I don't plan to talk to her about her behavior- it's really just who she is, she's been like this since childhood. She manages to have friends and a boyfriend and a job, and she's happy. It ain't easy being a true extrovert in Minnesota, and the nonstop perkiness and enthusiasm is fun in controlled doses.
We've been friends since elementary school and as a kid/teen I used to get a lot of flak for associating with her, so some part of my brain still expects friends to whine "oh my gaaaawd why did you invite HER!! UGH she ruins EVERYTHING!!" which always made me paranoid about how she behaved around others. It's nice to find out both she and my other friends have mellowed out and matured.
posted by castlebravo at 7:41 AM on July 8, 2011 [14 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by Jairus at 12:43 PM on July 7, 2011 [3 favorites]