How do I stop hating myself and find inner peace?
July 6, 2011 8:12 PM Subscribe
I am unhappy about 95% of the time. Seems like no matter what I do, it's never enough and I'm never satisfied with myself. I base my happiness on external things and I'm aware it's the wrong way to go.. but how do I change it?
I'm a guy in my very early 30's. As long as I remember, I've always hated myself.. and while I feel (objectively), I've done great things to improve my life, it's never enough for me and seems like nothing makes me happy.
10 years ago, I had all reasons in the world to be unhappy and hate myself. I was very fat, had zero experience with girls, felt like I was slowly dying at a worthless job, etc. But since then, I've lost a lot of weight, learned how to talk to girls, been in relationships (although I'm single now), quit my job and started a successful business, etc.
But it seems like it's never enough for me. Objectively, I know I'm a successful guy, who's very smart, tall, good looking, has a great and very interesting business, etc. But to myself - I'm still the same loser I've been in my teens. When I'm home alone, this happens a lot: an embarrassing moment from my past resurfaces in my memory, and I yell "I hate myself!!!!" out loud. I don't have control of it, it just comes out. If it happens in social settings, somehow I manage to mumble it instead, but it still happens. I daily think of suicide and while I'm sure I won't do it, to be honest the only thing preventing me from it is because I'm the only child and I love my parents a lot, and I know this will devastate them.
So my question is: how do I stop doing that? How do I learn to look at myself objectively and love who I am? How do I become at peace with the person within and be able to "live in a moment"? Am I so far gone that I need professional help?