Can't Commit to a Long Term Relationship
June 30, 2011 4:32 PM Subscribe
My problem is that I can't commit long term to romantic relationships. This commitment phobia automatically colors me as a bad person because the right thing to do in this society is to find that one special person and commit to them for the rest of your life. (ideally)
posted by BettyBurnheart to Human Relations (36 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
In every relationship I've ever been in I've been the one to do the dumping. I've never had my heart broken. In one relationship a guy cheated on me and I found myself not caring.
I do form romantic bonds and attachments towards other people, but after a period of time the feelings of romance and passion evaporate.
I recently came out of a 3.5 year relationship with a guy I had a really strong bond with. We connected on a deep personal level and had a great friendship in addition to a great relationship. Yet when he started talking about marriage and more serious commitment I began to experience a high amount of anxiety and depression. It was as if I had been placed into a box with no horizon or freedom in sight.
I ended up breaking with the guy, and now he won't even talk/be friends with me.
I feel that I'm a good person. I'm upfront about my commitment issues. I've never cheated on anyone. Rather, I left the relationship as soon as the desire began to occur. Most of my friends and family think I'm a person with strong personal ethics. Yet, because of this culture's norms, I'm an immoral person because I can't commit.
I do end up getting into relationships hoping for a casual movie and dinner once a week type thing. But it always turns into a situation where the guy has stronger feelings for me than I do for him, and I end up breaking his heart. I'm tired of breaking people's hearts and feel like perhaps I should just forever be alone.
As a child I witnessed much spousal abuse between my parents, and was even abused myself in many ways. My parents had a violent, nasty divorce. There were frequent calls to the police and even a night where I had to clean up a pool of my mother's blood.
Sorry for the graphic imagery. But I'm just trying to explain my fear better.
Is there anyone else out there like me?